The stupidest warning label I've seen is on a can of nuts, "May Contain Nuts"

How would you fix a gunshot wound, using the same gun?

Turn it sunny-side up.

Where can you find the party store?

Just imagine, trash piles taller than Everest...

How many bullets will it take to kill Death?

4

Why won't my car start?

Sometimes when they're a little shy you need to ply them with ethanol.

Is this really all there is?

Yes there is only subeta

Whats your favorite animal?

The dog can come in, but you animals stay outside.

Do you know anyone without allergies?

Sadly no, the allergies are an essential part of my sensory apparatus, and without the blurriness and constant itching, I wouldn't be able to recognize my own sainted (faintly wheezing) mother.

Wanna buy a watch?

Only if it's broken

How many eggs can a cat lay?

Usually 3-5 per clutch, every few months, unless they are fertilized and hatch, in which case your cat will stop laying until the kittens are weaned. The upward limit is sevenish in unusual cases, though one housecat in Bristol was recorded by the UK Ministry of Kittens to have laid 24 eggs (into a carton!) in 1962. Tigers, famously, only lay one egg per year.

How's your day?

Kick'em until your shoes are red with their blood, and spray their eyes with automotive paint stripper. No guy can make you do anything. My advice to my nieces.

Is love stronger than mental illness?

The last match in Las Vegas had 3:5 odds, but was called due to rain and dispute over television rights.

Why is the sky blue?

Because mothman deems it so

Why does my toe itch?

Despite being pegged an airhead, Eris the Eagle is nonetheless beautiful.

How can any relationship cure loneliness?

With a drop of molasses and two drops of laudanum.

How many is too many?

This poor creature, it knows not even of two.

Why does the Force avoid southpaws?

The leg before wicket rule confuses its mitochondria too much and then: whales, self-aware one-use missiles, and pots of petunias...

How much is a bag of bird crumbs?

I guess that depends if you're interested in Pigeon or Peacock crumbs; say 20 USD for an ounce, and if you find a bag for much less, it's probably mostly feathers.

Why are you like this?

Pride has no place in a marriage.

How long can a human live without hope?

In clinical testing, from 36-48 hours, with a statistical outlier lasting an astonishing two dejected, pitiful weeks. Quite a bit longer if hope can be replaced with an alternative such as spite or revenge.

Ew, what's that?!