Hey hello there. I was just thinking of you last night (or rather at 4am this morning). I was going to poke you and say hello, but here you've done it already :). I'm fine, but a little burnt out from all the recent questing.

I've known a few people like your sister, for whom marriage is the only thing that matters. She can not be happy single, and yet with the wrong person, she can not be happy married either. Seems to me if I'm going to be unhappy either way, its way simpler to be unhappy single than feel enslaved to another.

I know you're angry because you love her and want what's best for her, but please try not to be angry. Instead, offer your support. The right answer seems simple from your perspective, but it feels very different to her, or she wouldn't be doing this to herself. This is not something you can protect her from, she needs to learn it for herself. All you can do now is be patient, maintain the relationship for when she does realize she's made a mistake and may need help getting out.

The more you behave like he's an asshole (which he is), the more she will feel a need to defend him and stick to her guns. And it may also cause her to withdraw from you, and leave her without options when and if she will need it.

pee control is a very underrated major life skill.

I know you are right, but she comes to me with her problem and I'm really trying to say the "right" words but sometimes I just can't.. and then she's hurt.. I really don't know what to do.. I'm talking about it a lot with my mom and she's backing me up, well.. I guess to let her swim alone and to understand that she's drowning is the right option.. I'll be happy at the wedding of course.. My mom says that maybe he will change but I know he won't, men don't change.. and if they do it's for the worst X_X

Your mom is saying he might change to console herself and probably help her deal with her own issues about the mistakes her daughter is making. I get that attitude and it can help in the short term, but I don't think its helpful as a long term strategy.

Being supportive doesn't mean you have to listen to your sister complain about her man, especially as its making the situation worse between the two of you. Its a delicate balancing act between being supportive and not letting her complain too much. You can say something like "I'm sorry its hard for you (or he did that. or you feel that way) but last time we talked you said (bring up something else you talked about) and I'd like to hear more about that (or ask a specific question)."

In other words, prepare a script ahead of time to change the topic. Have some idea of what you can ask that will steer the conversation in a different way. Keep your comments about her complaints to a minimum, sympathize while not giving her much room to keep talking about it. Maybe ask about wedding details, people invested in marriage can often spend hours talking about these details and they don't have to involve the groom at all. But you know your sister best and can probably work out several different ways to get her talking about something else.

Thanks, I'll start to do that, let's see her reaction, she can be very difficult, she gets angry easily and she's not understanding what other person is telling her, like "all the world is against me and I'm the victim" kinda of girl.. and she's only 26.. she's so young.. Now there's a new problem, he's forbidding her to do a bachelorette party and she's very sad right now (while he's doing..) and he's reason is that he's scared that her friends will bring a male stripper.. ugh.. maybe just let her have fun in her own way.. it's just a stupid stripper, nothing is gonna happen.. and it's not even sure.. as I know her she will refuse to this idea..

She just can't be alone, she had 27 boyfriends (not joking I counted lol) and she was in love with all of them but most of them lasted 3-4 months and during that time she planned the future and the wedding.. I think she needs to talk with a psychologist, this kind of behavior is not healthy.. but well.. kinda too late I guess haha

So is my son's visa holder, wells fargo. Im still pissed he wont cancel that damn card!

Hey guys, y'all don't know anything about intro to java programming by any chance do you? omg I've been trying to stuff the codes the instructions call for together for days and it doesn't work!

Please please please be here - I was kidding about the hangman game before but um.. I cant figure it out and REALLY need help. Seg has to have it in and he can't sit at the computer yet Its for one of my "new" kid, Seg.

Seg is a great kid, he is a bright ray of sunshine and you'd never know he had 9 months of intense chemo for bone cancer - unless he has to walk. He uses a "Tiny Tim" crutch, is 16 and just had to have another bone graft done because the first one didn't take. I told him I would finish it up and I cant!!

If ANYONE knows old school makes-no-sense java and wants to have a look, the final instructions and my 4 day attempt are on google Drive here:

ouch I knew it like 10 years ago but I'm not using it anymore.. Archeology kinda removed any programming skill that I had lol

Hey -- I'm here. I've downloaded what you posted. What happens when you run your code?

I'm just noting some things as I go...

Change lines 18 and 19 to: Random numberGenerator = new Random(); word = possibleWords[numberGenerator.nextInt(10)];

(advantage -- you're using the numberGenerator you just created.)

Then after line 19 but before the closing } put: progress = new char[word.length()]; Arrays.fill(progress,'-');

(reason: these implement steps 5c and 5d of the specs.)

Replace line 24 with: for (i = 0; i< word.length(); i++) { System.out.print(progress[i]); }

(reason: This is step 6a -- the specs explicitly call for using a loop here.)

I haven't gotten through your guess method yet, but I noticed that on line 45, you have "int progress" -- probably a bad idea, since you're also using progress as a char array. When is this due?

I know right!? I thought it would come right back to me but not gonna happen, I can't do it their way. It might just be me but this method seems .. well, it's not the same and I think its seriously outdated. Thats why I said I got this, you just stay on the couch

I don't know how you can make heads or tails of that mess I put together. I so so so appreciate this and Seg does too. (Well he will when I tell him, they have him on some pretty heavy duty pain meds) He's a trooper tho. Thank you so much for this!

I'll be commenting too It was due Friday but the advisors seem pretty decent so a day or two shouldn't be too awful. Seg home-schools, he's very thin after such aggressive treatments and the bullies at their school.. yeaaaaaah. I'm still gonna have me a principal on a stick once the kids are all out of there.

edits again Nothing happens. I cant get past the loop and I've literally sat here for 3 days trying to figure out the instructions.

That is so smart! I just want to throw in my two cents more here. Be very careful of what you say about him to her. If she does marry him you don't want her to feel like she can't talk to you about anything. And anything YOU say about him will stay in her mind long after any disagreement they may have. Lypsyl's plan to change the subject is a good one!

Hiya Lypsyl. I miss you! Hope you are feeling well. Strong, healthy and all the good things! How is the bf?

How was your first day back? Did you tell all the youngin's about your big biker accident?

Nice to have you poke your head in. I never did know java. But it looks like O have got you covered. He is pretty sweel!

Actually, it's not bad at all -- the specs are very detailed (if you know how to interpret them, they almost walk you through the code you need to be writing), and you've done a great job with the main ideas. You just caught me on a very busy night -- today was our first day of spring classes, and I've been multitasking. I'll get through the rest of the code tomorrow.

-- first day back started out iffy: we had bad weather, but not bad enough to close the campus, and I still managed to clomp-step-clomp-step to my classes, even though a fairly large portion of my students did not. (I expect them to all be guilty and contrite on Thursday when I remind them that I made it in!) I've been answering "what did I miss" emails all day with my usual, "Since you weren't in class, we gossiped about you for the whole period. I put your mom on speakerphone; she had the BEST stories."

Glad you were able to maneuver through the bad weather and make it to your job. Sorry those slacker kids did not. That is the best answer ever. I am already trying to figure out a way to make it work for me, lol

- Yeah he is! And I thank the coding gods for it, lol! I can't remember how to write java code and with the little ones here trying to read enough of a section of the book to find where it's explained is a hopeless case xD Of course if I'm being honest they're sleeping now and I still cant focus on it.

I can't get my phone to cooperate so I cant upload a pic of Seg as he said thank you. And.. um.. wait till y'all see the mess at the end. I was editing it with your code and realized I had set up initial comments and somehow lost my place more than once even with things laid out - wowwww. that's embarrassing!

it's looks like gibberish to me now haha

yes you are totally right, I want her to come to me and trust me.. and I don't want to make her think that I hate him or something..

he's doing okay. Though I'm a little worried he's developing either inner ear problems or blood pressure issues. He's experiencing dizziness when he lies down, and when he gets up. Basically when he changes position after a long time.

I can understand your son not wanting to cancel that credit card. My bank that is on that list also owns my credit card, my one and only credit card, and since I'm unemployed, its not like I can cancel it and get another :(.

's right about not saying awful stuff about the guy, no matter the provocation. Its tempting, especially when she's complaining about him, but it will just push you further apart. I agree your sister could probably use some counseling, but that's another thing that you can't force someone into.

Every detail you give about this fiance just makes me cringe that little bit more. This is a man who shouldn't be married to anyone! He needs to grow up, lose his insecurities and learn that a spouse is a friend and companion, not a possession. Don't let him drive a wedge between you because I fear that your sister will need you desperately some time in the future. But it could be years of hard work and watching her be hurt before she understands that she's better off without him. It won't be easy maintaining both a relationship and your own sanity.

LOL I love that reply!

I say the awful things to my mom when we are discussing about it "^_^ I think I will talk with my parents and maybe they can have a big conversation with her/him or together.. Maybe there's a chance to calm him down and let him understand that we're in 2017 and not in the bronze age, a woman is not a slave and a living incubator.. she's waaaay more than that.. I believe he loves her and he's building their future together, which I see it as a good thing, he even found a very good job and stuff.. he just need a new direction of thinking..

• Am I too feminist than the feminists?! xD

using your mom to get out the awful stuff is good :).

Changing his thinking is the hardest thing to change. Love isn't enough, he has to respect her and trust in her feelings for him. Which, from his behaviour, doesn't sound like he does.

LOL you can't be too feminist, but part of being a feminist is listening to women and sitting back and letting them make their own choices, no matter how wrong they seem to you.

I've seen this fear of being alone in both men and women, and bitten my tongue more than once when I feel someone is making the wrong choice. In one case, it was the wrong choice, but in another it was the right choice. Its hard to predict the future. All you can do is support your sister, maintain the relationship and prepare to celebrate with her, or help her as the situation develops.

exactly, love isn't enough, I believe that trust is the most important, even if it can break your heart later, without trust it's better to cut and release..

LOL yes I know and I'm trying to do my best, but for me, I don't see her as a woman but as a sister, if you know what I mean, like the gender is gone and all I see is a person that like half of me (we are like twins since we were young, always together)

It's scary, it's like I know the result, maybe there's a little chance that I'm wrong, bleh, I'm just going to be happy for her no matter what and I'll stay alarmed all the time and support her.

sounds like you're doing the best you can in a bad situation.

Sorry to hear he is having dizzy issues. I am sure you are taking great care of him though.

Was I not supposed to notice you skipped right over my question about YOU?

: Haven't forgotten about you -- I'm making progress, but I think I've found an error in the specs. I'm 90% sure that HangmanWord() is finished; and am working on Hangman().

Is your email address on subetalodge (starts with the word 'third') a good place to send you what I've got so far?