The day of Uranus lasts 17.5 hours, but the sun stays on any one side for 42 years.

Why is there no year zero?

Because it would make anyone born that year feel inadequate.

Why is the sky blue?

Her girlfriend the clouds dumped her. By text.

Why is grass green?

Envy of the trees' height.

Why does it rain?

-1 isn't a prime number only because ancient mathematicians were afraid of both zero sums and negative solutions.

Would you continue eating your favorite food, if you had to make yourself from the bottom up?

If I had to make myself from the bottom up, I would be a plant and eat my favorite food, worm poop. As you know I am a tree, so this is a realistic scenario.

If a tree falls in the forest, who catches it?

When the earth comes trembling, unexpected small heroes stand ready at attention. Fearless defenders known as "ANTS" gather from across the forest floor in hordes and prepare to withstand the impact. As we all know, ants can lift many times their own body weight... and, well, I don't need to convince you that when they work together, they can accomplish incredible things! Imagine that sight, as the shaking dirt turns alive as a swarm of ants gather below the falling tree. They assemble along the silhouette of its shadow, and - just before the tree hits, it's carried on their backs! With fantastic speed they haul the thing away and dump it off god-knows-where, never to be seen again.

That's why we have to take down the trees, before the ants can get to them! Who knows what those slimy insects are doing with that precious wood?! We have to get to it first! Support deforestation 2018.

Why are good deeds rare?

When the collectible deed card game maker came up with the game, they thought that the evil deeds would be more entertaining for players to use during game play, so they decided to make the good deeds be the rare cards.

Who invented Beyoncé?

Nikola Tesla invented Beyoncé.

Why did they cancel the hit show "Kit Marlowe: Gay Atheist Spy"?

Of course I want to travel, just as long as I'm as far away from people as possible.

How come beer tastes like someone already drank it?

Because it is the food of the gods.

How does photosynthesis work?

Photosynthesis is a myth. The truth is plants have underground takeout places they go to for food.

Why do turtles have shells?

Any magnet is stronger than Earth's gravity, just pick up a pin with it.

Why do professional soccer players score so poorly?

Because they put the whites in with the darks again. Life lesson; those who do improper laundry cannot score on the field.

What process makes apples turn brown so easily?

Photons take several hundred thousand years to exit the sun.

How do you cure stupidity?

With a love injection.

How do you cure a love potion?

Sunbathing one hour a day for three days

who sell seashells by the seashore?

Its a bad sign when motor oil comes out clear.

What is the ugliest thing a human can be?

always remember dreams don't make sense

how much is the fish?

One hour zero minutes and zero seconds, plus fifteen.

If monkeys exist, why are there still any bananas at the grocery store?