I've been doing a lot of thinking. I turn 30 this year and I am starting to see that I need to do things for myself.

In-laws, co-workers, random other people are always asking me: So when are you and your husband going to have some children?

Me: Oh, in about ten years or so. You know. After I travel around, save up some money.

Them: But you'll never have enough money. Better to just go ahead and have the children now.

...Well by that logic, I should just go ahead and take that trip to Japan I've been thinking about it. I don't have enough money for it, but I'd rather go to Japan then have a child.

I just have ZERO motherly instincts. I don't want to have a child right now. I will be okay if I never have a child of my own. There are other people in this world to help, to see, to visit. I want to travel the world, break down walls and kill fear. I want to go break bread with a family who lives differently than I do. I want to find some way to share this with those who still fear, to show them that there is nothing to fear except the monsters masquerading as our protectors.

This is what I want. This is what I will do. And that makes me happy.

Do what makes you happy. You don't live for anyone else.

I'm the same, really. I'm only 22, but I've never had any interest in having children. Even as a child, I was never interested in playing with baby dolls or pretending to be a mom, or whatever. On a scale of 1-10, my matenal instincts are like negative 5. lol

It always irks me when people are like, "Oh you'll understand when you have kids," or insinuate in some other way that I am destined to have children. I always answer with, "haha... yeah," because I know if I say, "Oh, I'm not having kids," that will bring on the dreaded response: you'll change your mind. Ugh.

There's so much I want to do with my life, and honestly having children would stop me from doing any of it. I, too, want to travel to Japan more than anything! I'm even trying (very badly, but trying) to learn Japanese. I also want to be able to explore nature through hiking and camping, and maybe even live in another country at some point. I want to rescue animals, and start an animal sactuary some day. I want to visit every Disney park on Earth, just for my own enjoyment. I want to make a life for myself!

I was terrified to discuss this with my boyfriend because he seemed pretty set on having kids, but we talked it out and he's fine with it. He's happy just being with me, with or without kids. And he wants to become a teacher, so hopefully he'll have lots of kids in the future. haha Luckily, my parents also don't really care much about me being childless. They honestly never even bring it up. It's nice to be supported in my decisions that way.

I'm in the same boat. I'm 23 and my sole purpose in life is to make money so I can achieve stuff and be happy. I've been in foster home and mental ward for teens when I was younger. I just don't feel stable enough to have a child right now, if ever. ... It's rather awkward for me to date people in general (I'm agender, demisexual). I've had my fair share of relationships and I'm just not really feeling it. I like children in general. I've done a lot of internship with them and even enjoyed working with disabled children more than anything. That being said, I absolutely cannot imagine myself giving birth because I'm terrified of the changes my body will undergo + the expulsion is such a frightening idea to me. I've also a hard time caring for someone else when I have enough issues with taking care of my grown up ass. It's hard to explain to people that kids are really not something I'm looking for. I won't mind caring for one but I cannot do it in the long run. I'm somewhat interested in being a foster home but I cannot physically handle having my own kids for my entire life. My parents understand but I feel awful to be "selfish" and give them zero grandchildren, especially because I'm my father's only child. I appreciate the fact that they understand but it's still a big stigma. I was talking about it with a relative and she was very upset when I told her I didn't want a child and if I were to end up pregnant, I would probably abort. I understand her value and beliefs but I also have mine.

I can feel both sides of this. I never wanted kids. Mostly, I think, because I didn't exactly have the greatest role model of a mother to look up to, so I was very afraid of fucking it all up. And I was TERRIFIED of having more than one, because I honestly thought it was impossible to not favor one child. (And growing up as the non-favorite, I wouldn't ever want to make a child feel that way.)

But then I got pregnant, as things tend to happen. And I was really scared. But in the long run, having a shitty mother made me a better mother (or, at least I hope it did.) I knew what not to do, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. So, the whole "you'll understand when you become a mother" thing is sort of true.

But that doesn't mean I'm going to tell that to people's faces when they say they don't want to have kids. Because I understand that half as well and there's nothing wrong with knowing you don't want to have kids. Kids are not easy and there are days when I am 100% certain I am going to end up in a mental hospital by the time this is all said and done lol.

Is my life better because I have kids? No idea. Would it have been better if I didn't have kids? No way of knowing that either. I will say this though: that whole biological clock thing is REAL OMG. Like, I'll be 37 this year, and my kids are 13 and almost 4. I so don't want any more because I'm not sure my sanity will survive another toddler, but holy fuck whenever there's a baby around my mind is straight up like "you want another one, you know it" and I have to politely remind myself that they do eventually turn into toddlers and teenagers and that's a big fucking NOPE lmao.

So yeah. You guys do you. There's enough people on this planet already. Nothing wrong with not having kids. Nothing wrong with wanting to travel and see the world or be able to just jump into a new life somewhere else just because you can. And it's definitely not selfish.

I get this all the damn time. I'm 33, not in a relationship, and I don't want to have kids (for all that I would like a relationship). But I know I don't want to have children, for many reasons, all of them valid. I have depression, anxiety, misophonia, and misokinesia, and not only do I not want to pass those on to anyone, but I think the combination of all four would make it difficult, if not impossible to deal with and properly care for, a child. Then there's the fact that I hate the thought of the changes my body would go through if pregnant, I'm terrified of throwing up, I hate pain and am afraid of it, etc. I just don't see myself as a parent, except to animals, lol. I have two cats and they're all the babies I need. The thing I hate most is 'Oh, you'll change your mind'. No, I bloody well won't. In fact, I'm going to be having surgery soon to make that fact permanent - getting NovaSure and possibly tubal ligation too, because I'm shit at remembering pills and the hormones make me a horrible person. So. No, no children for this woman, f'ing deal, bitches.

Oh gawd. I also have zero motherly instinct. I call all babies "it". My cousin has a 2.5 year old boy, a 7 month old girl and is pregnant with twins. When I pick up the 7 month old, I make a face and pass her off to someone else.

I can't have children and I think it's a good thing.

I'm with a lot of people on this board. I'm childfree as well. I've never had any motherly instincts towards humans at all and I have found every single human baby I've seen to be utterly repulsive. I'm happy with my child-free life of freedom. There are just so many benefits to it (in my opinion), they are almost too numerous to list.

At 34 some view me as a defiant. Sure I'm good with my nieces, and younger relatives but does that mean I want that all the time? What more can happen to me if I stay a solitaire? What stone is it written on that I HAVE to have children?

I can't bring myself to love another human, even my own blood, if I utterly detest myself? I'd sooner make stone bleed.

NOT MY BLOOD!

I read your post in my own voice. Our passions have echos. I know that fear you talk about. that fear of coming right out and saying it. I have this fear of telling my mother that this is what I want to do. I feel, on some level, that I am denying her grandchildren, but it isn't her choice. If I have a child, it is going to be because I want it. yeah, I call them it's too >_> I've gotten a few looks for it....

And I feel rather silly that it took me 30 years to figure this one out, but Live for yourself. Far, I feel you. I feel like, I am not mentally mature enough to have a child. I have baby sat before, I have worked in summer camps around kids. And this will sound terrible, but I don't do babies. I have a cat. and I love my furbaby. My parents will have grandfurbabies.

I loved reading your story. It sounds like you've been through some hard times, but you managed to keep your head up. :3 I've heard that too. I am friends with a mother of 3, bless her soul, and she is still like, BABIES. @ I guess it is a hormonal thing? or something that motherhood brings about that I have no clue about right now.

More power to you gal. I've got an IUD in place myself, Mirana (not just for women who have had children) If you aren't too sure on surgery, there is a hormone free copper IUD available, still at no cost under most insurances I believe. And I am getting to that point about the "oh you'll change your mind" I was being sarcastic to a coworker today about not having to worry about the education system (this is a joke everyone NEEDS to worry about the education system's future) and my coworker was like, "Yeah, but eventually, pretty soon you will have children and you will need to be concerned." And no worries, a love life can always find a way in. The best ones are hard to find.

You are so not alone in your assessment of the youngest of our species.

Doesn't it feel like it has been written on stone somewhere though? I mean, it just seems like we are all pushed towards that. With so many people just automatically assuming it is the ultimate end goal for the American way of life. There is more to life than that.

I'll turn 30 next year and I've never had any maternal instincts myself. My family keeps saying I just need to wait for that sort of thing to kick in, but how much longer is it going to take? Most of my friends had their first born years ago and still none of that appeals to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, I'm just not envious and I don't feel like I want to be in that position myself.

In a way, it shouldn't be that surprising because I'm on the asexual spectrum anyway. Even so, I'd have the option of adoption, but I don't think that's something I really want to do either.

Then again, I'm a primary school teacher, so I already spend my day looking after kids. In a different way to how a parent would, I know, but at least I still have that experience in my life of being about to teach kids things, look out for them, etc.

almost as though you get your fill with the kiddos. I worked with kids when I was younger. I've been sitting by, watching everyone else have kids. I just don't feel that urge to procreate. Dont worry. you are not alone in your feelings

i'm not even 20 yet and my mom already told me she is looking forward to grandkids lmao......

not only am i 99.9% sure i'm medically sterile, but babies and toddlers (and young children to a lesser extent) make me feel nauseous if an add for diapers or anything comes on tv i have to seriously look away because i get so grossed out plus kids really get on my nerves and i have no paternal instincts to speak of welp

i'd much rather get a dog tbh

It was for you, which is great and I'm glad for your child. But for many people it isn't, and so begins a depressing and resent-filled life for both child and parent. I was a teacher and I've seen how bad kids lives are when their parents simply do not care about them. Sounds like you know some of that as well.

"As things tend to happen" shouldn't be as common as it is. Sometimes it works out, but nobody should have to have a kid just to find out what side of the good parent/bad parent fence they fall on. That is a life changing thing and it should always be a choice, not an accident or something people are pressured into. Always it should be a choice. Kids shouldn't be seen as an inevitability.

Anyway, for me: If I had kids now I'd resent it. I'm not up for it at all, it's not a goal in my life to be up for it. Simply uninterested in having children, and I'm not going to just have kids to see if that changes. I got one of those arm implants for birth control, I can't recommend it enough (or something similar).

My family understands and supports me. Everyone else however acts like a human being's only goal in life is getting at least 1,267 children and if that's not your goal you must be some sick, child-hating creature from the woods; which is not true. I have nothing against kids, I actually think that the kids of my neighbors are funny little guys. I just know that I wouldn't be a good parent (no patience, no time, not enough money, bad genes, chronic diseases that no child should inherit from me, no parental instinct and about 128 other reasons) and so getting a child is not an option for me. LUCKILY I am also diagnosed as being infertile and, to have my peace of mind, I'm using it as my shield and trump card because then I only have to deal with community pity parties and not with malicious assumptions.

P.S.: I am 36

It's not really a question of maturity for me. I've raised my little brother and we are 7 years apart. I've been nothing but a second mother to him while I saw my single mom struggling (and she still is). I don't want to end up like that. I just don't want to have this type of struggle and anxiety. Babies need to interact with their mom, they learn so much stuff from interacting as a toddler ... I just don't know if I could do that. So instead, I prefer to sit it out or be a foster home. So many kids needs a second house!

Yeah, I thought about an IUD, but I'm allergic to nickel, which the copper one may have in it, so I think that option's out for me. Honestly, if my doctor would do it, I would get a complete hysterectomy and be fine with it.

Most of the choices regarding this solitary life were forged at the age of seven. Before any of it could even be relevant, I killed them. As for not having children, its just abstaining plus an absence of worthwhile partners. To me that is having no choice.

It's not. Just going to say because it needs to be said over and over and over until people who say and think that get it.

I'm never having kids. I've never wanted them. Never felt the need to have them and I have a phobia of pregnancy. I also just really can't stand kids in general. They make me nervous and I just have zero interest in raising a kid. I'd never pass on my own DNA because it's shitty and I don't want to adopt either.

I'm 25 now and my feelings have never changed. Oh but I suppose I'm still "too young" according to the ultra-wise and so much more mature, intelligent and wonderful mothers out there. 😩

Both my parent's have had cancer, so honestly on top of my own mental disorders I feel it would be unfair to bring a child into this world with my genes and family history. Not to mention, I've never particularly liked kids and don't feel I would be a good parent.

did you stop reading at that line, or did you purposefully ignore the rest of my statement?