I don't want to have children. Period. My boyfriend doesn't want to have children either. That's good. We're just not into that. Easy as that. No reasons to be explained. Now, the deal is, his mom wants grandkids and she's the most annoying woman ever. I kind of feel sorry for her but I am not having kids just to please someone else. On the other hand, she's a pain in the neck. No idea how will I deal with her when we get married. Anyway....

Anyone deals with that? Maybe the other way around? Share your story :)

Ah well, your boyfriend can deal with her if she kicks up a fuss. Does she have any other kids she can bother for children? At least as your boyfriend agrees with you, she can take out her dissatisfaction on both of you ¦D

I've got a feeling that this is going to be a problem in my future. I haven't been with my boyfriend long enough to have a discussion about kids, but I know he loves them and almost certainly wants some down the line. My mum, too, would love grandkids, and I'm her only daughter. Maybe I'll change my mind when I'm fucking 30-odd but I don't want children currently :<

My mom knows I don't want children. My father keep saying "You'll change your mind. You'll see later. You'll crave the need too" and I'm just lmao dude wishful thinking.

I can feel that my mom is sad about it because I'm sure she'd have loved grandchildrens from me, but there is still my brother (not all hope are lost).

That's rough, and I (kinda) know how you feel. Only in my scenario, it's my own mother whining about wanting buckets of grandkids she may never get. She had me and my sister, but always wanted more children of her own - but dad said no. So, my sister and I have grown up with "make me lots of grandbabies!" almost constantly since we hit puberty.

The worst part is: I do want children. In all honesty, I don't think anything would make me happier than being a mother. ...It just might not be possible. And, knowing that, and it being as hard as it has been for me to deal with, I still have my mom who doesn't want to believe that it might never happen, no matter how many times I try and tell her that.

And no, my sister isn't going to be able to appease my mother's demands for grandchildren in my stead. Ignoring the fact that she straight-up just doesn't want children? She's also a lesbian. Kinda tricky to pull off in her scenario, even if she wanted to - and it's not exactly something that's gonna happen accidentally, sooo... XD

On one hand I do feel bad for my mom; but on the other hand I really wish she would lay off, since there's not a whole heck of a lot either of us can do about our respective scenarios. Thankfully mom's boyfriend is a grandfather, so she's basically taken on the role as step-grandma to this kid and has calmed down on us a bit since (knock on wood).

My fiance's mother also wants grandkids, though she's nowhere near as vocal about it as my mom. But she also has two other daughters where it's just a matter of time before they step up to the baby-making plate (my fiance's sisters might be even more baby-crazy than my mom, if that's even possible), so there isn't much pressure on us there.

Anyways, long story short? Yeah, it blows. D=

- That's annoying to deal with. You and your boyfriend don't want kids, and his mom should respect that decision. It's best to ignore her.

Me and my boyfriend don't want kids neither. My mom wants grandkids, but doesn't pester me about it too much. But, it's annoying to hear when I've already told her we're not interested and want to focus on school and eventually our careers.

My sister most likely wants to have a kid in the future, but she needs to find a man first. But, my mom doesn't have any confidence in her finding a man.

My boyfriend's only child. No way any of our moms are going to get grandkids haha If you're still indecisive about having or not kids, guess you'll see when the time comes.

Your situation is kind of less simple of mine. Sorry to hear you might not be able to get to have children as you want to. My sister's lesbian too so no hopes on her for our side either ^_^'

At least they haven't come up with you with the "You're selfish" one, my mom used to say that until I told her my reasons not to have kids and that it wasn't of her business anyway. Sorry on your sister, your mom shouldn't think that way. My parents think I'll never do anything in life despite being the one with the better grades, I am just too quite.... and their hopes are higher on my sister, who doesn't get to pass most subjects but she has a lots of friends. I know my sister's going to do good but it's not fair that they don' t have hopes on me. They're giving me a most expensive education than her but still are not very trusty... not my father... -sigh- Sorry to rant on you! ^_^u

You have some options here.

1. Pretend to be infertile, and convince her it's a very sensitive subject that you don't like talking about.
2. Buy a puppy and dress it up cute, tell everyone it's your "baby."
3. Tell her you'll consider having a kid and just keep telling her you're still thinking about it every time she asks.
4. Tell her you're not good with children and couldn't possibly raise one properly.
5. Tell her you'd rather be a good aunt for your sister.

All those sound so easy, yet so hard! I don't wanna lie, I don't enjoy animals and my sister's a lesbian who won't have kids either. I think I like the option 4 more but I really dislike giving explanations to people so I'll probably end up with the classy:

"I have my own reasons which I don't need to explain to anyone, not even my mom is getting them, so you won't get them either."

A little bit to cruel and she's so gonna hate me but nothing much can be done about it. Can't it? ^-^u Thank you for the advice anyway! I think number 3 is really good.

Adding on to what said (btw I love , I was JUST going to say that /hi-five)... 6. Guilt her into thinking how wrong it would be to have a kid - how messed up the world is, the world is going to end soon!! apocalypse overhype mode, faulty genes aka you don't want x disease passed down, overpopulated place much?? You got so many ways to twist this around. ;) Though personally I'd go with numbers 1 and 2. Can't go wrong with puppies.

I wouldn't do that. You will definitely start a fight with her. She'll see that as disrespectful, unwarranted, and honestly quite shocking. Keep in mind that she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong (even though she is!!).

I think if you just tell her you don't like kids and won't be having them, the most she can possibly tell you is that you'll change your mind later, in which case you can say you'll both have to wait and see (implying, politely but firmly, that she needs to stop asking). If she does ask after that, you can tell her that she's being a little pushy, you've had this discussion before, and that if you ever decide to have children, she will be the first to know.

That last bit is the most important, and you can honestly probably try to lead with that. If she's confident that you will tell her on your own if you're expecting, she'll stop feeling the need to ask so much. Right now, she feels like she has to ask because she has no idea what's going on in your heads.

Hahaha oh my God, that old woman is capable of saying she'd pay everything for the kid and raise him/her herself for the sake of good society. Oh my God, no, she's the worst person ever, too possessive to stand and too childish to talk to.

Hadn't though about how she actually feels to be honest. She's indeed not intending anything wrong but she can be so obssessive that'd eventually end up fightint with me over that anyway. For which your point sounds like a good approachal, telling her to stop asking in a polite but firm way. Well, thank you! I am usually just too rude with people that for some reason start bothering that I don't think twice what I might end up saying to that.

And so you respond with, "But you're not their mother. I am." But arguing with a stubborn child troll is too taxing, so I'd still say 1 and 2 are your best options. So what if you lie? It's for the greater good. Clearly. ;p

Honestly I've just stopped responding to the subject when it's brought up. My step-mother wasn't able to have children and wants grand kids to fill a void that she has (even though she has a large extended family & is actually an Aunt & God mother to a few children). But she is from a very family orientated culture so I'm sure it's in her genes to want grand babies.

I tried to be vocally open and sincere about my feelings on having kids at first and how I had no desire to have kids right now or in the near future. I was basically bombarded with the whole 'you're going to change your mind' speech and the guilt trip of how they wanted grand kids.

I've learned to switch topics & just stop responding to anything that remotely relates into having babies. I mean who knows whats going to happen in the future? Maybe I will end up wanting children, but right now and in the near future I don't & that's up to me and no one else. They aren't going to sway my decision either way so they can go ahead and blab all they want to me about it but I will take no part in the conversation. People usually get the hint when you don't respond to any of the questions & immediately change topics.

I totally feel for you though, it really sucks when someone thinks they can sway someone else's decision (and such a hefty decision at that) by bombarding them all the time about it.

I don't want to have kids either. My parents understand and say I don't have to if I don't want to. When I tell other people and they ask why, I give them multiple reasons, "I don't think I would be a good mother/ It's not the life I want/ We have crappy genetics/ I can't have kids because of crappy genetics/etc."

When someone tells me I'll change my mind, I respond with, "Oh I didn't know you were a fortune teller. Please tell me more about my future..."

Ohhh - she's the controlling type, eh? I hate those. :l Well, in that case, give my approach a go, and then if she keeps on you, as far as I think we're both concerned, you've made your effort to end it peacefully. She's game for whatever after that. xD yoda voice Brought it on herself, she did.

So... don't? If you think she's terribly controlling, you can still stand firm to your decision and say, "No, having children isn't for me." If she throws a fit, oh well.

She can't force you to have children, so what's there to worry about? That she'll be annoying? Oh well, there are plenty of times that people (even/especially family) annoy you. You just need to stand up to them and be firm.

That woman has a master degree. I ain't tricking the manipulating woman that easy :P Although lying about not being able to have kids sounds actually easier atm.

It's indeed discouraging when people keep just bothering and bothering with the same thing when they already know the answer. Like they think they can make us change our minds. Ignoring the topic, I like that and only needed to use it once when a friend of mine said something like "Oh, that's what you say now. Of course you'll have them. That's what we were born for, to have kids and so on..." and then her friend next to her supported her and so her mom and I was just like "what the actual fuck did this people agreed on?" so I literally just smiled at them and that was all....

Hahaha, I actually lmao a while!! A fortune teller, totally a good one that I must play!!

Controlling type is still very soft for her. One gets the karma that sends to others. Om.

True. Thanks God I already made it clear to my boyfriend that she's not my mom and I am not standing her manic behaviors (she's very bothersome on other kind of stuff either). I am not dealing with that woman. Gotta remember that next time I feel cornered about the subject.

Narcissistic, you think? Bipolar, maybe? Just plain ol' insecure?

My mom has severe self-esteem issues and the stress and anxiety of it drives her manic. She takes it all out on me. There are days where I've had to whip around and scream that I've had enough. She still doesn't get it! She's been telling me she thinks I have my dad's anger issues - without even pausing to consider that maybe her weeks of constant demeaning and flipping out have driven me over the edge! x_x

With people like that, there's just no living with them. You can do what you can, but don't be too hard on yourself if none of it works. They're basket cases with no will to fix their issues; their only desire is to spread it around.

I think it's a mix of insecure and a strong bsession to control everything. And if she doesn't get her way she gets all annoyed and tells you the same dialogue all the time (useless, stupid, worth nothing....). She pisses me off to be honest so I've came to a point in which I am fine as long as she doesn't talk to me, talk about me or asks for me. Taking it with someone is definitely the worst thing to do. I've been told on my own home that I have anger issues as well (either that or that I am in drugs and abstinence makes me that way?), I mean, as long as they're nice with me I have no reason to take anything onto someone....

Sounds like my mom! Why are there so many of these people? x_x I wish I knew how to call them out and bring their behavior to light, but I just don't have the lungs for a screaming match! lol

Best of luck to you - I don't know how much will change, but at least you'll have the knowledge that you tried to end it peacefully.