Thank you! I hope your mom doesn't annoy you to much :) My mom started getting a bother when the menopause arrived (which was during my adolescence and made things worst) but now she's all calm and still and it's all love and peace with her ^-^

I'm chinese and chinese culture puts huge stock on biologically born children so I get the why won't you marry, have children from both my parents regularly.

Thing is, I have no desire for either, haven't since I was 14-15 and pregnancy, the actual physical pregnancy itself and all that it entails terrifies me so yeah, not having children anytime soon. I'm in my late 20's so it's not like I'll change anytime soon.

That said, I've learned to just shrug it off and joke about it mostly and at this point my parents know both my brother and I probably will both

A) never get married B) never have children though

I always tell people, I like other people's kids exactly because they're not my own. At the end of the day , I'm not saddled with another human being I don't want and i love that fact.

I will get married but I won't be having kids. It'll be only my boyfriend (future husband) and I. I am happy with the company of him and that's all I need. But I can imagine a little bit of your culture.

My boyfriend just came back from China and the guide, who was chinese, told the visitors that in China women only marry rich men. And that there's so few women and so many men that the women usually get to choose (and of course, they choose the most wealthy man). I understand that not everyone's that way but in a general matter, is it true?

Hope you don't mind me asking :)

One of the many reasons that led up to my divorce was that I realized I didn't want children. I'd thought I did because that's how I was raised (good ol' very conservative family values x-x), but I really don't. I could list reason upon reason of why, but I won't. ;P But when I was going through the divorce people would ask "Why?" a lot. The kids thing was a big deal, because although my ex-husband used to say that he'd be fine not having kids, he came to the realization that he really wants them. So we both changed and it was a huge thing that just helped finalize the decision for us. And when people found out (even my parents) I'm sure you can guess what the response was: "Well you're still so young. You'll change your mind later when you realize you want kids."

Through the past couple years I've really learned how important it is to your happiness and well-being to be honest to yourself. It's amazingly fantastic that both you and your significant other are sticking to your guns on this. It gets really frustrating dealing with people who think they know everything better than you do, but many kudos to you for sticking it out. I'm not sure if this will help or not, but one thing that helped me was to remind myself that I know myself better than anyone else. No one else is competent in what makes you you. No matter what anyone else might say, you know who you are and what you want and nothing is going to change that. So screw 'em. ;)

Well, I'm not even in a relationship atm, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to have children.

Kids just don't fit on my life. I want to enjoy myself, wanna have a shitload of pets (mostly horses and dogs) and I'm not really someone that has enough patience to raise a child.

My mother is pretty chill about that, and my father doesn't really like it, but never bothered me with that subject. So I guess I'm fine!

But still, people should be less worried about actually having kids and starting to adopt the ones from the orphanage. That's probably what I'm doing if I ever decide to have a kid.

yes and no. My parents are Taiwanese so they're not under the same restrictions as China, but there's still a lot of stock put into the idea of marrying well more so than love.

That said, in china that actually is the case in a lot of areas, but there's more emphasis put on the parents being satisfied as well. In a lot of the major cities to, shanghai, Beijing, there's blind date bazaars where the parents choose for their children with the eventual idea being that one of those blind dates will be suitable marriage candidates, especially since there females are usually expected to marry and have kids by their early 20s a lot of the time.

Obviously, there's also the one child policy which means in a lot of rural areas, there's many more males than females so they're all competing for a limited number of females so yeah, the females can afford to be pucky.

yes and no. My parents are Taiwanese so they're not under the same restrictions as China, but there's still a lot of stock put into the idea of marrying well more so than love.

That said, in china that actually is the case in a lot of areas, but there's more emphasis put on the parents being satisfied as well. In a lot of the major cities to, shanghai, Beijing, there's blind date bazaars where the parents choose for their children with the eventual idea being that one of those blind dates will be suitable marriage candidates, especially since there females are usually expected to marry and have kids by their early 20s a lot of the time.

Obviously, there's also the one child policy which means in a lot of rural areas, there's many more males than females so they're all competing for a limited number of females so yeah, the females can afford to be pucky.

I am very sorry to hear about your divorce reasons. My boyfriend and I hang out so well and fix things so well that I don't see something like that happening on my life. It'd burn me to ashes. Thank you for telling me about me knowing myself better than anyone else. Even if I was confused about the matter, I don't think I'd like to do anything just because other people demand me to do so.

Everyone always say something like that!! Like you'll eventually want them and will be to old. I dislike that reason to be honest. And there's always the adopting way which is very good thing to do too!!

Blind date bazaar is totally a thing from another world! Are your divorce rates low? Because here in Mexico we get to choose as we please and there's already a lot of people getting divorced for choosing wrong, I can't imagine how many would those be if their parents chose their partner. Unless divorce is seen as a bad thing there. Divorce ain't bad, the reasons are the ones you wish you didn't know about hahaha I had heard about the one child policy. I saw a documentary in the Discovery Channel in which some family was only allowed to have one boy and one girl, so if the second one had the same sex as the first one, that one had to be 'eliminated'. It was a very heartbreaking documentary.

By all means, use it. I saw it on a blog or something about another woman not wanting kids and I laughed really hard at it and it's phrased perfectly

Eh, people divorce in chinese culture but it's not common and usually they'll divorce after the kids are adults since it's expected that you stay together for the kids even if the love isn't necessarily there anymore. I knew chinese friends of mine in high school whose parents lived entirely separate from each other's though admittedly still within the same house but room wise, life wise they weren't together anymore. The only reason they were still married was simply because it was expected that while the kids were still not fully grown, the parents would not divorce.

Also, the expectation that one will suddenly have an epiphany and desire kids has yet to happen to me and while I don't discount wanting kids forever, if, I do want kids at a later date they'll be adopted, not biological.

Me and my fiance don't want children (though if I ever change my mind my fiance won't abandon me).

My Mom seems to think that I will want to have children one day but I have NEVER wanted them. I'm just not calm enough. I'm caring but not to the extent I'd have children.

Luckily no one has been pushing me to any great extent (though my Mom and grandparents seem to think I'm dressing the wrong way with baggy shirts and jeans when I go over to a friend's house to simply visit O.o).

I've always thought that adopting a kid is a very noble thing to do :) Sounds like a pretty tough situation for parents in your country. At least that makes them look more 'civil'... if anything positive about it. Knowing that your parents don't love each other or are together just for commitment is already very sad....

What's wrong with the clothing you enjoy? I'd use very tight clothingif I hadn't all this fat on me ^-^ hehe

It's just that it's not really girly I guessXD

And Mom wants me to be girly. I also don't shave my legs unless me and my fiance are going to do some bedroom stuff. And back in the day when I was single I didn't shave since I had no one to impress and Mom said that I should shave my legs or else people would think I was a lesbian.

Little does she know I'm bisexualXD

Old school moms are very into making others be the way they are supposed to be due to their sexuality and social class! We gotta understad them for that and just learn to let their comments pass by hahaha

Once I am able to not depend on them financially I will have more than enough material for a stand-up routineXD

High five! You have no idea how excited I am to be self-sufficient and do as I please without them judging my life.

I'm actually from the US, but ethnicity wise I'm chinese, citizen wise, I'm American. My parents immigrated to the US before I was born so I grew up with primarily American attitudes. In that respect, I'm not really Chinese, at least culturally, in many respects.

I never personally adhered to the idea that children, biological or otherwise were necessarily that different from each other. In the end, a child is a child, regardless of where that child came from biologically.

Eh.. my parents are fine with the whole love thing, but they also have been in the US for ages, but I think financial stability, and credentials tends to be a bit more emphasized in countries like China than love though.

Also, divorce is fine, but only when the kids are adults and on their own. All the random Chinese parents I knew who divorced it was usually after the kids were past the age of 18 and had gone to college. Generally, before that they're usually not expected to divorce and it's usually considered bad to do so.

Makes sense but I am also amazed of how much you actually know about China. Have you ever been actually there? I suppose you do or ask too much! Does it feel odd to have an etchnicity different from the average in where you live?

I don't know how I'd feel knowing my parents are mexican but living somewhere else with a totally different language and culture...

Sorry, I ask too much. Don't feel compromised to reply to me!

Not really, but then again I was born in the states so it's pretty much all I've ever known. I'm more American than Chinese really. XD

I've been to China on vacation a couple times and I lived in Taiwan for a year back in 2011-2012 or so because I wanted to study mandarin writing and figured it'd be better to go to the source. Plus, I have a ton of relatives back in Taiwan so it was also an opportunity to visit relatives I hadn't seen since I was 6 or so and unofficially at least practice mandarin speaking. I grew up speaking both english and mandarin on a fluent(english)/ semi-fluent(mandarin) capacity.

It took a while, but my mother has accepted that I don't want children. I think the fact that I've maintained this stance for as long as I have helps; she knows it's not the "passing phase" she thought it was ten years ago. She now tends to actively defend me.

For the most part, it's other relatives, family friends and the like that give me a hard time. I've been told how "unwomanly" I am, how unfulfilled I'll be in life, how selfish I am, on and on and on. One elderly relative told me I'd never "catch a man" if I didn't want kids; I just shrugged and told her that was fine. I'm asexual and don't want to marry either. The look on her face was priceless.