As numbers with personalities go, one is just that peculiar and nobody knows why it does that. It has vexed mathematicians and psychology for centuries.

Seven eight nine?

The goose drank wine.

Why did the monkey chew tobacco on the street car line?

I mean, it's just something you gotta try once in your life, right?

How is magic cast?

The same way you put a cast on a broken arm.

Why do mice love cheese?

To show no weakness to their enemy.

How did my balance end up in imaginary numbers?

The diced beets you ate gave you diarrhea and so you got a nutrient negative cubed root.

What is the sum of the integral over a closed surface?

Undercooked spaghetti

How long is a piece of string?

About ^ that long.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris?

The same amount of would you wood knead to need some bread dough.

Why do dogs wag their tails?

It's how they get all their extra energy worked out.

Why did that door open on its own?

Hell, all this world is a prison.

Then whose fault was it?

The tree. It took offense.

What made that noise?

The endless soul-destroying cold darkness of space and time. You have been hearing it all your life.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

There is no finishing a tootsie pop. You just keep licking until the world ends.

What are the main ingredients to a cake?

Egg shells, crushed corn, salt, and sour cream.

My hair is falling out; what do I do?

Put soft pillows around your head and neck so it doesn't get hurt too badly when it does that. I'm sure if you kiss it and tell it kind words and some antibiotic spray and a bandage you can persuade it to go back up there no matter how high it seems.

What is your favorite magazine?

Golf Digest because I'm just some super rich billionaire playboy! Who's definitely not eating ramen right now because she can't afford anything better!

How do AC systems works?

All too well.

You never bite a vampire turned human?

Because then you will then get contaminated and become one. And like the Homo Sapiens animal you have horribly turned into, you will be alive. Ewwwwww.

What can we infer from the Third Law of Thermodynamics?

that the moon is made of cheese.

what is the most dangerous substance known to man?