My cat's purebred and overpriced lunch.

What is the area of a trapezoid?

The King of Hearts son -in-law of course.

Who is the Man in the Moon?

A really orthodox hermit. He seriously doesn't want visitors.

Where do mythological creatures live?

At my house.

Wanna come visit?

Nightmares and impossibilities mean nothing here.

Are you here just to peddle forgeries?

Yes, yes I am.

Would you like to purchase a forgery?

I have need for some fencing made from wrought irony, so yes.

What is the vintage of those grapes of wrath?

The fifth circle of hell.

How did the meeting go?

Even in the future, nothing works!

Would yee rather be keelhauled than bilge another burger?

I've no idea. You're the judge, I'm not supposed to have a say in this.

What should a ruler always keep in the fridge?

Inchworm-burgers and foot-long hot dogs

Just where were the queen and jack of tarts yesterday night?

They went to go and see the Earl of Sandwich. Their family was just too sweet and they needed a break.

How did Jack get those magic beans?

Not just fake, counterfeit fake!

How do you properly cite a video game in MLA?

Superman can reverse time by making the Earth rotate the other direction and Flash is faster than him. Flash carries his own brain that contains that fucked up premise with him every time he runs, so no?

What makes a Samurai a Ronin?

Maybe people should skip marriage, and go straight to divorce.

Why can't you wreck exotic cars in driving simulators?

It's like diplomatic immunity. You can't touch them!

What's making you sick?

My birthday which was on February 30th of year 0.

Which is worse being schizophrenic or a Southpaw?

The voices in my head say we don't have to answer that.

Why is the earth a big blue marble?

Our galaxy is a giant bag of space marbles, and the big blue life-sustaining marble was the universe's favorite. So, it became Earth!

What is the true purpose of book ends?

We don't know a damn thing about the surface, we're just making wild guesses.

What does Skynet intend on doing if it won it's war?