Enough sharps to poke your eyes out!

This looks like a job for Legion ex machina.

Just why did those crooks take 300 lbs of cheese, rather than any money?

Bloody double posts!

Don't you just hate double posts?

Not only are the discs of cheese thicker and bigger 'round than the Hanukkah Gelt so they thought they were worth more, they were easier to fold spindle and mutilate on their (also stolen) posts.

What are the eleven herbs and spices in Kentucky Fried Chickent?

1. corn
2. bread
3. seeds
4. blueberry
5. worm
6. barley
7. grass
8. beetle
9. carrot
10. rock
11. wheat And what KFC doesn't tell you is that it goes into the crop before the gizzard.

    ---

    What are the 23 flavors in Dr. Pepper?

The extinction that lies before us, isn't resolved by removing the apparent problem.

Am I the only guy who hates bacon?

My magic 8-ball says...Better not tell you now.

What's the last thing you do before you go to sleep?

Purple, because aliens don't wear pancakes.

What happened to the shed when the lightening struck?

The watershed got all steamed, the garden shed was blooming mad, and the skin you shed just flaked off like it always does,

How much will you sell your soul to Google?

Only two minutes, because anymore and the eggs go bad.

What did the orchestra play for the festival?

Somehow my corded headphones outlived every audio device, but Bluetooths fall apart right off.

How long before movies are 100% digital constructs, no humans acting?

Only as long as it takes for plastic to start melting in the microwave.

Where did viruses come from?

The age of a rock is determined by the fossils in them, as fossils are dated by the rocks they're in.

Why is an elephant?

A thick snake, or a tree bole, or a rope exclusively and all at the same time. Any priors on this you had before should be discarded.

What is a mouse?

The same as a raven and writing desk.

What's the matter with that public toilet?

What toilet? That's a dressing room!

Why do dogs spin in circles before they lie down?

This creates a counter-torque to correct for the angular momentum of their dreams.

Are you a person dreaming you are a butterfly, or are you a butterfly dreaming you are a person?

Chaos is order.

What is the ratio of good people to antimatter?

SPOILER WARNING!! The butler elopes with the cook in episode 13.

Why is there air?

Eh....why not? Air is often amusing.

Why do Ruffles Loaded Bacon and Cheddar Potato Skins potato chips not taste like cheddar or potato skins? I mean for the skins part they could have just left the potato peel on when they started, jeez.