Vent + Support Thread
Replies
The Vent and Support thread is a place where you can feel comfortable talking about heavier subjects and things you might not feel comfortable saying in more casual threads. Feel free to vent and ping the group for support if you need it. You can also subscribe to this thread to get an alert when someone posts in here - click the checkmark icon near the topic title to do so.
It was suggested to have separate threads for enby/lgbt vs more general venting, but I'm not actually convinced it's necessary to have that separation, especially since we are all enby here anyway. If reasons arise to make two separate threads then I will. For now, you can post everything in this thread.
Important rule regarding content warnings- Please read the spoiler below
Important rule
Because this thread is likely to contain some sensitive topics, please use a spoiler tag to hide your post content, and put some content/trigger warnings above the spoiler. That way, people can prepare themselves before reading the vents. Here is an example of code for making a post:
TW: briefly describe what this is about
[spoiler]
Your post content goes in here
For example, if you are talking about relationship problems, you could write "TW: relationship problems" in that first line. If you talk about multiple things, you can list them in the TW, for instance: "TW: medication, self-harm, dysphoria"
The TW doesn't have to be super specific, just enough to give a good idea of what to expect in the rest of your post.
If you post something without a TW line, I may edit your post to include a proper TW. I will not edit your post content, only put it in a spoiler and add a TW description above. This is for the safety of our members who can benefit from having trigger warnings on content that might be, well, triggering. [/spoiler]
Please don't be shy to use the group ping if you're in need. I think a lot of us understand the feeling of not wanting to bother people. Yet I know I speak for all of us when I say we'd much rather be there to help a friend in need. So please don't be afraid to ping the group - We all struggle sometimes and there's no shame in reaching out. <3
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TW: "friendship" issues and complaining
[spoiler]
I seriously loathe and hate fake friends. The kinda what use you to get shit done and then throw you away til they need you again. Due to unfortunate and shitty circumstance, my washer broke and I had to get a new one. The money is lended to my mom and part of it was for my huge anime con this summer. Now, I cannot go because she cannot pay back "for now". A "friend" of mine told me that they would purchase things that I wanted at the con if I could 1) pay 2) give clear directive which I had agreed. I asked again today and they changed their mind by saying useless and weird excuses like they'd get lost in the artist booth room (which come on we both went there more than 5 times), they would be "too busy" and their friend holding a booth would "be stressed and freak out" etc etc. I understand, they are not entitled to me. But when they asked me for certain stuff, I HAVE PUT MYSELF IN HUGE AMOUNT OF STRESS for them. So to that, gtfo man. It's nice to see how the friendship where they get paid is more important.
I'm downright livid and angry. Don't say things if you don't want to do them from the start. Leave me alone and stop coming back to me. Just stop [/spoiler]
TW: Friendship problems, reply to Far
SPOILER (click to toggle)
I totally understand. People are so freaking selfish. Like part of being friends is to meet halfway... What a horrible thing to do. I don't know how close you and this friend are, but if you're not too too close, I'd tell you to give them one more shot and like, if they blow that, cut em off! That's so not cool. At all. UGH
TW: "friendship" issues and complaining / reply to
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Thank you for answering ❤️ We've known each other since 2014 (we met at a college class). She befriended someone last semester and they became close. Everything changed from then. We even got into a fight and she was seriously impolite and rude all along. Our age difference may have played somehow, but I've decided to stop interacting with her. I don't have the energy not the willpower to put up with this anymore. I'll eventually delete her from skype and delete said "mutual" friend.
TW: Friendship problems, reply to Far
Oh dear. It's really, really unfortunate when people do things like that - judging from your response to , it feels as though your friend has turned on you, almost. Why do people do that sometimes, when they gain new friends? It's like they stop treating their older friends as friends and more like punching bags. Even if you two had a disagreement, that was absolutely uncalled for and unnecessary for her to have been rude to you during it. I think disentangling yourself from this friendship wheel is the best thing you could do in this situation. After all, there's nothing you can do about their actions; you can only look out for what is best for your own mental health and safety/peace of mind.
That being said, I'm truly sorry to hear your "friend" has been treating you with such inconsideration and unkindness. We might not know each other terribly intimately, but you've always been a very pleasant soul to talk to, and I enjoy interacting with you even if I am quite bad at being active and maintaining conversations at a frequent pace. That's so disheartening to hear someone would value their money over your friendship. That's utterly appalling; no amount of materialistic goods are ever more important than someone else's feelings and emotions. It sounds an awful lot like it's very much one-sided, and what can be gotten out of you, rather than a mutual benefit for you both. It is quite good you are no longer considering them a friend - dropping them from your circle is exactly what I would've suggested in this situation, had you not come to that conclusion yourself.
hugs Again, so sorry you've had to put up with their asinine behavior. At least you can move forwards now, and not have to be stressed and drained out from dealing with them. I hope things only get better for you from here on out, friend. You deserve so much better than that.
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TW Friendship Problems // Reply
Hopefully I'll get to know you two more on here so we can become friends on here! xoxo
TW FRIENDSHIP PROBLEMS // REPLY
To be honest I already consider you a friend; that's kind of the way I am, personally. Everyone's a friend until they prove otherwise haha. I've always felt as though the best way to make friends is to treat everyone as though they are already! Perhaps we could talk more on one of the Social-related threads somewhere though? C: I'd love to learn more about you! ❤️❤️
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Absolutely!~ I do the same thing honestly! Hahaha and okay, I'll go there!
Mentions: Loud noises, sensory overload, neighbors, racism, violence, bankruptcy
Content
My fiance and I moved in a month ago to an apartment. We had to take something that was behind the pool, because we needed to find something fast since my mother's house was being sold. I knew the pool was going to be noisy, but I wasn't expecting extremely loud music. By the way, the rules of the complex state that music isn't allowed unless you have headphones on.
Every Sunday, there's a group of people that play music. They do this because the apartment's office is closed. Most of it is a style called Reggaeton, which is bass-intensive style. I personally hate it, but that's not the reason why it bothers me. The first few weeks were loud, but I ignored it because I was able to drown it out. But, a few weeks ago, it got so loud that I could FEEL it. Nothing I did drowned it out. And, because of my sensitivities to sound, I became sick and my head felt like it was splitting in half.
I decided to say something. When I got there, some lady started yelling at me and tries to manipulate everyone at the pool to think I'm ruining their day. But, she was mistaking me for someone who was being derogatory towards Mexicans. She then becomes nicer and turns down the music. Though, at the end of the day, it's turned up slightly.
July 4: I knew music was going to be played, but I was hoping it was different group of people that didn't blast music. While it was a slightly different crowd, they played the same type of music at the same volume that made me sick. My fiance was with me this time, and he got fed up with it. We went to say something, and we ran into the same lady as before. She was leaving and got upset at my fiance claiming that he wanted to ruin the fun of the majority. He asked why she would care if she wasn't staying, and then she yelled at the top of her lungs "you wanna fight me". My fiance is shaking. Afraid that she'll escalate the situation further and that she would start hurting him, I just said that she's not responsible and to let her go. She leaves and someone else approaches us and offers to turn down the music. Though, by the end of the day, the music is blasting again.
Apparently, the lady complained to the office about my fiance, making it seem like he was trying to start the fight. Luckily, the office lady is very nice and just says to not approach the lady and call the cops if she threatens either of us. The only problem is that I'm not on the lease because of bad credit from bankruptcy. I'm only being allowed to stay temporarily until my credit is brought back up. But, asking to turn down the music caused trouble because of violent lady, so I need to stay holed up so I'm not causing any problems. -____- We also said to not do anything about the music because we're concerned the violent lady will hurt one of us.
I'm pretty sure the music is going to be turned up even worse than before tomorrow because of violent lady. I secretly want someone to throw violent lady's stereo into the pool.
Short version: Why does asking to turn down the music slightly cause people to go ballistic?
reply to Skylar; TW for all the things of their original post
Goodness. As someone who suspects they have some degree of noise anxiety, I can totally understand why you're so stressed out about this. Loud music and noises aren't good for your ears, and it's even worse when it's being caused by something that is out of your control like that. Do these people seriously not understand that you can have fun without causing harm to others? What a totally asinine accusation of that lady, for her scream that you're just trying to ruin people's "fun." That is the most bullcrap excuse I have ever heard; "fun" should never - never - be at the expense of someone else's safety and comfort. That is by no means okay. It's bad enough it's damaging to your ears - let alone disorient you as bad as it did. How can people not see how inconsiderate that is towards others? Do they have no compassion?
I literally don't understand why people like to listen to things so obnoxiously loud. Even the theater's volume is really stressful to me, and I'll be the first to tell you I drop all dignity if I think it's too loud and cover my ears. Literally blasting out your ears and then having auditory problems the rest of your life isn't something I'd deem "fun" at all. It literally makes no sense on a logical level, and nevermind common decency. And what even is with that lady trying to make it out to be a racial issue? It sounds like she really just wants to play victim here, and wants someone to to be a punching bag for whatever her frustrations are, and that seems to mean you and your fiance got targeted as a result. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this. I know how upsetting loud noises can be, and my heart really goes out to you.
That's ridiculous though that you can't even address the problem without other authorities telling you to just ignore it / "not cause any problems" when it's not you who's causing the problem. Isn't that disrupting the peace? Especially since there's an actual rule citing no music allowed with the exception of it being contained to headphones? It seems to me like they're just brushing aside your problems / don't want to actually be responsible and deal with it as they should, and are instead just trying to get you to hush up about it. That's... not at all fair. :C
Have you considered getting earplugs, at the very least, to help block out some of the noise if it gets out of hand again? I know you mentioned bankruptcy / bad credit / financial issues, so I apologize if this isn't an option for you. I really hope you can find some way to help cope with it all, and lessen your anxiety/stress about the situation. I have to concur with you though, I think everyone flipping a lid at your simple, polite request is a complete overreaction on their part. I wish they would all show you more respect for a fellow individual with feelings, you know? I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate being sick and disoriented either when it's something that can easily be fixed if the other party would just listen.
And honestly, I totally don't blame you for wanting to knock her stereo into the pool; they're not being responsible with it, so they don't really deserve having it in my opinion. I wouldn't actually condone messing with their things, but I understand the feeling of being angry and upset with them. Given how they've been treating you, it's no wonder you feel that way.
I'm hoping both you and your fiance will be okay, and get through this somehow. It sounds like he is equally shaken up by this whole ordeal. I'm really sorry both of you have had to experience this, and hope that things get better / are resolved. :C
[box=#444342]
@ Ryxe
Contains: Loud noises, sensory overload, neighbors, racism, violence
Reply
Thank you for responding. It makes me feel like it's not my fault and that I do have the right to be angry at the situation.
So, my prediction about the music being louder was correct. It got so loud that my friend, who went to a rock concert a few days prior, was getting a headache. I could hear the lyrics clearly FROM ACROSS THE STREET. I know this because my friend and I left for a few hours so we could escape the noise. They also played music on Saturday evening. The lady is trying to show she's superior over everyone while complaining how people are racist/killjoys. We think she's threatened a bunch of neighbors and the office people.
I'm waiting for someone to call the cops, though I doubt this would be effective. I think she needs to be evicted. We do have recordings of the noise from inside the house and outside if we ever needed evidence.
I have no idea why some people automatically pull out the race card when it has nothing to do with the issue. It makes me think they can't come up with an actual defense for their behavior so they resort to using their race to play the victim. Though, in this case, I'm Spanish, so I'm racist towards myself??? (This is not the first time this has happened.)
I do have earplugs that my fiance (Cyra) found Sunday! They were sitting in a drawer. I had to use the following setup to not feel sick: earplugs, noise-cancelling headphones, loud music on the TV, a large fan, and rain sounds. And no worries, we do have enough money for some purchases. c:
There's a big reason why I don't trust authoritative figures... I feel like they always ignore me or don't take my problems seriously. But, what can I do when I'm not on the lease? :x Cyra and his mom are trying to find a way to get me on the lease. That way, I can be protected if things get worse with the lady and I can't be forced to leave.
Noise sensitivities and anxiety aren't fun. I'm sorry you have them to a degree also. :c
reply / TW for their post content
Goodness, no - it's absolutely not your fault for being upset. It's a more than reasonable thing to be upset about; I would be just as distressed as you are in this situation, since I'm also very sensitive to noises. That's actually ridiculous that they turned up the volume even more?! And goodness - like - concerts are so absurdly loud that's truly saying something that it even made your friend feel nauseated. What on earth are those people thinking?! They are going to destroy their hearing doing that. I can't even process how loud that must be; I am so appalled and aghast at what you're describing.
I'm so glad you and your friend at least left the vicinity, but that's just... you can't be the only person that is upset if it can be heard that far away. I'm sure there has to be someone else who's just as frustrated about these disorienting disruptions are you are. That lady sounds like an absolute nightmare to be honest, and is trying to use her minority to excuse all of her bad behavior? Ugh. That's disgusting, because it really puts a bad name on her minority group when it's not even tied to being a racial issue. It's literally just being an inconsiderate, conceited piece of trash to other people. There's some irony to be had in how she's so vocal about everyone being "racist" towards her yet she doesn't even treat others with the decency and respect she's demanding.
And yeah, I agree - like what the heck? These people treat racism as "get out of jail free" cards almost rather than a real issue in today's society, and like... that isn't okay. Like it honestly hurts the issue so much - and makes people disregard the issue when they see people like this lady. And even what you brought up about being Spanish yourself - that's just. I'm so stunned and horrified that I literally just feel speechless? The audacity of this lady is just... to be honest, it makes me feel sick just thinking about all of this, and I'm not even dealing with the problems you are. I'm so, so sorry you're having to put up with this! Why can't this lady see how much damage and hurt she's causing? Why would anyone want to do that to another person? You do not deserve to be treated in this way, and it's just... it's heartbreaking.
I'm very glad you found some earplugs (also - wow! Cyra is a gorgeous name)! Earplugs are very much equipped for dealing with loud noises, but goodness, it sounds like you've had to resort to all sorts of things just to help distract from their obnoxiously loud music. I'm pleased you've at least found some ways to get relief / respite when this happens. But I very much concur about authorities. They don't truly seem to care about the people's welfare, or acknowledge your problems as being real. I hope you get that lease you mentioned; I'm really concerned about things escalating, because it sounds an awful lot like that lady cannot be expected to control her temperament.
Please take care and stay safe, okay? Hopefully eventually these people will get bored or will chill out with their intensity, and maybe even fricking blast their ears off for doing this and decide this isn't such a good idea. Not that I want them to get hurt, but I very much doubt these people will learn except by experience since they seemed to have effectively ignored even remotely breaching the subject of "can you maybe not." Either that, or you'll be able to get away from this environment. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. :C Hang in there, okay? ❤️❤️
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tw- misgendering
small vent
I like being honest but sometimes I wish I hadn't let people on subeta know that I'm afab. Sometimes I wish I'd lied in the beginning and told everyone I was assigned male at birth instead. I don't mind he/him pronouns but I can't stand she/her. And i'm honestly happier with people believing amab even if it's wrong.
I put "they/them" on my profile, added it to my forum signature, I let everyone know. I know mistakes happen but it still hurts when someone slips into she/her, cuz it's like, since everyone knows i'm afab, they think of me as "a girl" because of it no matter what.
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TW: loud noise, racism, violence, etc. from above tags in Skylar's posts
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Ah, gosh, that's really disrespectful and horrible.
My girlfriend has sensory issues that can make her react pretty badly to loud noises (crying, headaches, etc.) so I've seen how difficult it can be.
How long is the lease for? It would make things easier if you were on the lease, so then if it comes down to any sort of disputes or whatever, you're technically a tenant. It's a difficult situation because I'm not sure what the best course of action is for you. If you call the cops next time, the lady might suspect it was you and get confrontational. At the same time, I can't imagine you being the only person who is bothered by the loud music. Can you talk to the landlord/owner directly instead of just the office people? We had bad neighbors last summer who set off the fire alarms multiple times a week because of smoking inside when they weren't supposed to and they had the cops called on them 3 times because their parties were crazy loud. It was like a sea of people around the house and it was just one of those endless murmurs that happens when groups get big enough. They also trashed the place, and I'm pretty sure they got kicked out in the end but it took almost 2 months and we were going to be leaving soon anyways. We complained to our property manager & repairman (who were crappy, tbh) a few times about them with no luck, and it wasn't until they trashed the place and got multiple cops called one night. SO, hopefully someone else complains to the cops and that causes something more serious to happen.
Sorry if I rambled about my stuff somewhat! I was trying to sort through any advice I had to give. Call the cops with a noise complaint if you feel comfortable enough, report it anonymously, talk to your landlord or someone higher up in the office, check your rental agreement just to be 100% sure what the consequences are supposed to be if they play music.
TW: misgendering
SPOILER (click to toggle)
I'm so sorry that keeps happening. I have seen people correct others when they've misgendered you, so I do think you have people out there trying to support you. I know that doesn't fix things, but I thought maybe it'd be helpful to know.
Reply to this small critter
I'm sorry about that :c Some people legit make mistakes (I do!) but some are just plain mean and simply misgendering for the sake of it or not believing in anything else at all.
And now ... onto my own vent 8')
tw for past relationship/ditching/being used as a discovery
THAT MOMENT WHEN YOUR MOM IS GIVING A LIFT TO YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND and you nervously sweat when she tells you.
So basically she gava a lift when I wasn't there to my ex-girlfriend (of like 7? years ago) and oooh boy. They talked about me but my mom never knew about me dating this girl. My mom then told me that she wanted to talk to me and I was like .... [internally screaming] Oh. oh sure?
But this girl is horrible. She basically used me and tossed me aside (I was her experience) and now she's dating a guy and moved in with him and I'm just nope. Nope please just leave me the fuck alone.
reply / TW: misgendering
Dear heavens yes, this exactly. I cringed and died inside when I saw someone misgender you, and honestly thought about messaging them but I wasn't sure if you had, and I didn't want to bombard them with messages if that was the case. I relate a lot to that feeling of wishing people didn't know one's birth designation. It's very frustrating people literally assume she/her with such frequency when they shouldn't assume at all. I've made it a habit to never assume anyone's gender, and often outright ask people if I'm confused or unsure. I think actually adding it to your forum signature is going to help a lot, and I really hope it lessens the issue. I'm so sorry people have done this to you. hugs ;~;
reply / TW: their post's content
Oh no! Did your mom not realize that you didn't want to be associated with this individual anymore? Even if she wasn't aware of you dating that girl, did she not realize you had a falling out with her or something? I mean, I have no idea what went down of course, or how clandestine either of you kept this.
If you don't want to talk to your ex-girlfriend, don't. You don't owe her anything, especially not after the way she used you like that. Talking to her might upset you tremendously, and it wouldn't be fair to you to put yourself through such unnecessary stress. You could tell your mother that you thought about it some more, and have ultimately come to the conclusion that you don't want to get back in touch with this girl. If you're not comfortable enough to give a reason / mention something like you had a falling out, then don't.
I'm so sorry this happened; I know how much it can hurt to reopen old wounds. Hopefully your mother will understand and respect any wishes you might have if you chose not to talk to your ex-girlfriend. :C hug
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Reply to Flowey Boo:
I think she hasn't noticed? I mean she did notice that we had a fall out but it may have slipped past her? Either way, I do not feel comfortable meeting her once more. I've seen her plenty of time already and it's always terribly awkward to me because of 1) the nature of our relationship and 2) her tossing me aside. I was her experiment and I seriously do not feel like associating with her. I was too young to know better and all I'm glad is that I refused her sexual advance back in the days. She may be a good person to her boyfriend but she was a shitty person to me. If it comes to this, I will tell her that we shouldn't see each other anymore, especially if she's asking personal questions about my life.
I'm just over here like why???after all these years.
reply
Hmm, that's too bad your mother doesn't seem as aware as I'd thought she'd be about the situation... especially if she had noticed you two had a falling out of some sort. And yeah - in that case, you should not subject yourself to being around her. Your ex-girlfriend doesn't really deserve your presence or time after what she did to you. That's seriously so disgusting she would toss you aside like that, and treat you with such disrespect! Toying with someone's feelings and using them is just... appalling beyond belief. What a truly horrible person.
Yeah, she has no right to ask you anything personal. If you ask me, she might be trying to re-connect so she can "get" something out of having a friendship/relationship with you again, given her past behavior. Or perhaps she wants to reconcile and apologize for her honestly gross actions - although I somewhat doubt that. Either way, since you're not comfortable in speaking with her, stay hecka far away. And let your mom know you don't want to talk to your ex-girlfriend either, honestly, since she was the one giving that girl a lift. As supportive as she is, she should hopefully understand your feelings. ;o;
[box=#444342]
SPOILER (click to toggle)
In the worst outcome, she comes see me. However, my mother told me she would come (and she gave her the address) but I doubt she will. I don't see why she would come. My mother kept saying she was happy with her boyfriend and so on. There are no reason for her to come see me. If she does, I'll just be very clear and tell her that I'm over this. Last time she saw me in the bus, she looked at me and ignored me? So yeah, nevermind. I think I just got very anxious q___q ty for keeping up with me.
reply
Oh dear gosh, your mother gave her the address?! I really wish she hadn't done that; that's so unfortunate. But yes - if your ex actually has the audacity to come to your door, you have to put your foot down and say no. If that actually does happen, hopefully it will paint a clear picture of your intentions / wishes to be left alone. If she doesn't come by - hooray! Let's hope the latter's the case, because while it might be nice to be direct about it if it comes down to that, I think a confrontation would be very stressful.
And of course - I totally understand you being anxious. Like I said, I know how old wounds are - sometimes it's best to just leave them behind and move on, and it's frustrating when others don't understand / aren't considerate of that. Try not to worry / overthink about her potentially visiting you, okay? I know it can be nerve-wracking, not knowing whether she will or not, but there's no need to stress yourself out. Steel yourself for the possibility, but don't fret over it, basically. Hopefully this will all pass over without any incidents. ;w; hug ❤️❤️
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