Vent + Support Thread
Replies
far what they mentioned
O M G Your mother is being irresponsible. - I have a "too friendly mother" like that too and I really can relate to this. I had a gf who tossed me aside after using me as well. The WORST kind. I am SO sorry this has happened to you and the pain that comes with it. - I can totally get why you're upset and anxious. - Honestly: I'd slam the door shut. - Just to keep my soul sane and safe. hugs
♥ Dance with Asmo ♥ (- "Obey Me!" Character masquerade challenge to myself. XD)
Mentions: Loud noise
Thank you~ I'm trying to not let this lady ruin my time here. I might go somewhere this Sunday if the noise gets to ridiculous levels.
I love the name Cyra! He chose the name. :)
Mentions: Loud noise, fights
The lease is for another 10 months. I'm hoping someone calls the cops since a lot of people can hear the noise clearly.
I did hear something like a fight last night, and it sounds like it came from the direction of the lady's apartment. I couldn't hear what was being said.
I don't think the owner is easily accessible or would do anything. It's a company that owns the majority of apartments in the area.
body
I want those lumps of meat gone. They are getting on my nerves SO much. ;_;
♥ Dance with Asmo ♥ (- "Obey Me!" Character masquerade challenge to myself. XD)
tw for body image?
I'll like them for you unless I didn't get it right ... haha n___n;
If you feel like talking, I'm here (I struggle with my weight as well so I understand)
[Spoiler=People being rude] SO, this is a semi-minor vent post. I hadn't really thought about it much today, but I thought about it just now and it's been bugging me a little. SO I thought I would write it down.
At my internship, I got an assignment to go ask one of the flameworkers to announce that we had some scavenger hunts for people to try out. A supervisor of the education department asked me to do it, and I was excited to see the demo, which was about making glass eyeballs. Another intern said they'd been going and asking the flameworkers to make the announcement, which would just be like "We're testing scavenger hunts in the museum related to glass eyes. If you are interested, see her after the show." and hadn't had any problems.
Well, I got there before the show started and waited around to talk to the flameworker. I might not have explained myself super well, but he was rude and I don't know why? Right off the bat he seemed really disinterested in talking to me when I asked if he had a minute for me to ask him a question. I told him I was an intern at the museum and that we were testing scavenger hunts. His tone was just really rude in response, and he was just like "No, I can't do that." Then he said that there were 'a few steps between where you are and where I am'??? It was a weird statement. I don't exactly know what he meant by it, if he meant he was ahead of me within the ranks or if he was trying to say there were more steps I had to go through to get that to happen because he mentioned talking to his supervisor when I was like "Oh, you can't make the announcement?". It threw me for a loop and I didn't really know what to do. I told him the guy from the education department had sent me over, but he said it didn't matter and I had to talk to his supervisor first. I stayed to watch the show and try to catch a few families to ask if they were interested, but I just wanted to leave and I sort of wanted to cry.
I TOTALLY understand that he might not have been told about the scavenger hunt and didn't want to do something he wasn't supposed to, but I don't know why he was so rude? If he'd been like "Sorry, I don't know anything about that and I'm supposed to stick to my script. You'll have to talk to my supervisor", it would have been OK. But he was just really short and blunt and I don't quite understand what he said.
I'm also worried it was somehow my fault? Like, I'm sure that the education department supervisor told me to go on Friday at 220, ask the flameworker to make a quick announcement during the show, and hand these flyers out for the hunt. Like I said, I didn't explain myself super well initially because the guy was totally not into me talking to him, but I said I was an intern at the museum and I was testing this for the show that he was doing a demo about... I told one of my supervisors and she said she'd get it figured out. She was really apologetic and not very happy with the guy, but had to talk to a few other people about it first since he's in a different department.
This turned out way longer than I intended and I'm not sure I feel better. lol. I'm just sort of worried now? I don't know what their solution is going to be, and I'm nervous to find out if it was somehow something I did wrong... [/spoiler]
Lost someone special
On Wednesday I had to put Charlie, my 12 year old budgie, to sleep and since then I just miss him terribly. The house feels so empty without my little feathered baby. It's comforting that he didn't suffer and that the vet assured us that we did all that we could but still, I just want to hear his voice again when I wake up in the morning or when coming home. He always greeted me and this emptiness hurts. I know I'm sounding selfish but I can't help right now.
body
Thank you, really. Yeah being fat isn't nice. I really try to be healthy though, but it's not easy. I am slightly overweight. But I mostly mean my boobs. ;_; They are getting "in the way". My back hurts and I HATE people staring at them even if I ALWAYS cover them up. - I wish I could be size 36(/38) it would lessen my hate on myself. - I recently cut my hair short and sidecut and the hitting on me almost stopped but it didn't really work. - Also getting them reduced or gone costs SO MUCH more money than making them bigger... Typical world. - TBH I feel like dressing up sometimes but many days I wish I was male. Even though I feel more in between and don't want to be reduced on my gender and the physical traits. I just don't know... - I should exercise a lot to get at least 20 kilo gone, so I look/feel more like... hmmm like myself? - Because if I loose 12 or so I'd still look too female. (from c to b cup.) - Does anyone know what I mean? Anyone has good ideas for dieting or how to feel better? - Because a binder will have not much effect as I am now. (size 44 EU)
and dearly missed
This makes me sad as well. I have a cat and I know how it feels like to bury a budgie. My family used to always have animals. Last time a dog. And I have a cat now. I am happy with the time I have with her (she's 12 this year) and hope the day never comes. - They are like family members. Sorry for your loss. ;_;
♥ Dance with Asmo ♥ (- "Obey Me!" Character masquerade challenge to myself. XD)
Loss & Body
Thank you. ❤️ Oh yes, they are family members to me. Charlie was my first budgie, I inherited him so to say from my grandpa who passed away in 2010. Kinda scary that both my grandpa and Charlie died on the exact same day (July 12th). Apart from him we've always had bunnies in our family so losing a pet is nothing new to me but of course it's never easy to say goodbye...
As for your body issues I sadly cannot offer you any suggestions because I haven't found a solution myself but I can assure you that I can relate so much. My big goal is to save up the oney and then just to get rid of them, they do not belong to me and they make me feel uncomfortable. I hope you can find a way to make you feel better soon.
I'm sorry about the loss of your birb hugs I was in a similar situation last year with my dog and it was difficult. I really understand what you mean but I wouldn't say it is selfishness. Do you have someone near you to help?
...Ah these nips nops. I have a very shy C cup which is mostly fat from the side gathered in the front. I mostly use bra to hide them so I cannot really help you out on how to work around with them. Surgeries are terribly expensive, such a scam (and unless you have a condition). I thought that these surgeries were covered if you had pain from it but that is in the US/Canada.
Dieting is a word to which I'm allergic. You shouldn't diet but find a good way of eating that suits you. Therefore, I cannot offer any help :c
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Thank you hugs back I have my family and a good friend/colleague around that I can talk with if I feel like it so I am not alone with it. At the moment it is easier to talk about Charlie online though.
And I'm sorry to hear about your dog, I can imagine that it was difficult. Did you have help,too?
I totally understand. It will take time but I'm sure you were a wonderful friend to Charlie and that's what matters the most when they pass away. In my situation, we had to surrender him and it was difficult since we did it 2 times. Unfortunately, my family weren't motivated to take care of him and I was all alone. I had to do everything and fit college + internship in between. I was getting sicker and sicker. My mom did some terrible things ... But no, I didn't get help.
SPOILER (click to toggle)
That's so sad I'm so sorry to hear that. If you ever feel like you need to talk about it I'll be there ok.
Custom Spoiler Title
Wow thank you both! Really. I am working towards loosing weight. I know what you both mean. And yes a healthy living style is so much better. But well... And yes in Germany they aren't very helpful with anything. I have a friend in Sweden who just got their passport changed. And I hope for them they can get surgery. <3 - As I hope for those here who need it as well. - Thank you SO so much, by telling me this I don't feel so alone with this. ;_;
And loosing a family member (dog or budgie) it hurts and I hope you will feel better soon. <3 (Even though that's very strange with the same date. - Hmm Just think maybe they are in heaven together. You cared very well for Charlie and I can only imagine how happy and thankful your grandpa is.
and far: My mom had terrible times as well. It lasted around 10-12 years. So I can relate. If you want to talk please do. <3
♥ Dance with Asmo ♥ (- "Obey Me!" Character masquerade challenge to myself. XD)
tw conflicting mental illness
I had this huge vent post typed up because my life is literal hell right now and i had hopes writing/typing it all out would help me start back on the road to mending
but then i just backspaced it all and wrote this instead cause i dont want to burden anyone with my problems
oh the joys of conflicting mental illness
bpd demands i receive attention
anxiety and depression tell me to sit down shut up and isolate myself because im not worth attention and im being manipulative by even writing this post
yaaaayyyyyyy
Me @ Myself
Event Actions
| [egg=WildPariah] | [tp=WildPariah]
| |
tw for shitty money issue, lot of cursing, it's terrible, weird parent, mention of depression (not me), unfair sibling
How do you cope with a member of your family having depression? Because I'm at the end of my rope. How do you cope with your useless 17 yo brother? Because I'm just done. I've been dragging them around with me for too long. Recently, our washer broke and I had to lend $609 to my mother while she still ows me money. In fact, she mostly always owe me money. Her car also broke down and the bill is over $1,2k and again, she's borrowing from someone. My credit car bill is rising and I need to pay for college next month. Meanwhile, my brother has been offered a part-time job at his uncle company but he refused again claiming to be "thinking about too much thing" (he's 17 and in high school year 2. He's going to adult school this year) but he does jackshit. Chores? He complains and whines all the damn time. He's a pampered little shit. My depressed mother is just making me angry all the time because I need to be the adult to everyone in this house. I need to be her coach, her mom, her child, her lawyer aka basically everything.
I need a fucking break and my fucking brother needs to grow the fuck up. I was thinking of staying with them after graduating but I'm reconsidering af. [Edit] She started again saying I'm annoying and always complaining. I'm fucking done. I already have my bpd to keep in check since I'm the explosive type. It keeps eating me alive just to endure. I've endured an abusive childhood, I don't want to endure anymore. I want it to stop.
personal depression, suicide of Chester Bennington, Chris Cornell
I know I'm rather a private person, and doesn't like to burden anyone with my issues, but recently I realized my depression is getting worse, and yesterday it was especially bad. And then, the news of Chester Bennington's suicide hit us. I don't blame him in any way, in fact, I can understand him too well. But you'd question, how can I beat it if people I admired and who were so much stronger than me couldn't (Chester and Chris Cornell)? I know it's probably silly, but I cried all night long listening to Linkin Park and Soundgarden (truthfully I'm not even a hardcore fan, but I always have a few of their songs on my playlist), my eyes are swollen now. I'm in my office, trying to work, but I can't concentrate, and I just want to cry. I'd better switch to my indifferent mask soon before my coworkers start to notice.
SPOILER (click to toggle)
Just in case you read here before checking your phone, I have texted you. hugs tightly
[edit] Never mind I should just not respond to things I am too late. Sorry.
suicide mention tw, depression tw, self harm mention tw.
This is super hypocritical of me, but I can justify it to myself because I'm putting this forward to a group and it's unlikely this will get a reply but man. I just. Hate when people come to me about their problems? I don't know why. There are all these things about how hard experiences have made people stronger, and kinder. Like the 'kindest ppl are those who've been through the most' or something, right?
I didn't get the memo apparently. Because I hate it. People have told me they want to kill themselves. My friends. People I care about. And somehow part of me just shuts off, half of me wants to care about them and the other half just doesn't care. I just want to tell them- /if you want to, then do it/. People have self-harmed or told me they self-harmed, and I just haven't felt any empathy.
To me, it's them whining. It's them complaining. And I can't get that thought out of my head. I just cannot sympathize. I have to pretend sympathy and every time it happens, I end up cutting off that friend- I've fallen out of contact with everyone who's approached me that way.
Honestly I still dislike them a little because of it. Another friend told me a few days ago she had ADHD and she'd been putting off diagnosis for a year because lmao ADHD. I didn't feel any sympathy whatsoever. I just felt like going 'fuck you, at least you have the money to be diagnosed. I'm on a 3 year waiting list because that's how long mental health service queues take here. me too, I have it too, I have a hundred stories to do with ADHD and how it's affected my life but you won't hear me telling you that, will you?'. I hate it when people tell me their sob stories. They've self-harmed? They've had suicidal thoughts? They've tried to kill themselves?
All I think about is how selfish they are. I just want to tell them that you know, everyone has problems.
People telling me they wear long sleeves in summer and wish they could get rid of their self harm scars. Why on earth are they so conceited? If they feel like other people are going to notice them for it, why haven't they noticed I've never worn short sleeves in my life. That my shorts all go beyond the knee. I hate it. I just hate it. And every time I've consoled these friends, every single time I've been a good damn friend, I've given them the sympathy they need, I've told them all the rote things about 'oh no please don't do this to yourself'. I know, logically, that that's what I should do. That it's my obligation.
It shouldn't have to be my obligation. I was a good friend, I /am/ a good friend. I've never talked to them about any of my problems. Don't they realize that?? Do they just assume people who don't talk about their problems have never tried to kill themselves?
I hate it.
I can relate to some things you've mentionned. I've ended a lot of friendship because of similar reasons. I don't want to be considered mean or heartless but I'm often wondering why am I always supporting people? Why am I always there when no-one is there for me? I don't want to feel entitled but shouldn't things be mutual?
A lot of people will assume that they have the worst fate of the world. A terrible life and that the person they are talking too is perfect. Because no one can suffer more than them, right? I hate it too. I've probably developped this state of mind because of what has happened to me. But either way, I'll just say that I can relate and don't judge you for it.