So yeah. You're human and you have limits just like everyone else. If you don't feel like getting your ears buzzed on, then just don't.

I mentioned this to someone I've been chatting to (and someone I thought I was become friends with), and their attitude sort of irritated me? It was just blase and dismissive. They said that I sounded like I had my life together because I'm graduating with my master's degree soon here and finishing up an internship. I mentioned that it's hard to find a job in my field + there aren't jobs where I live in my field at all. They're were just like "Do what you love and the money will come : )" Which is a super submissive statement. It's going to take hard work and effort to get into a job I love, and hard work and effort to earn money. And, it's pretty hard to find something you love. And I need money, like, now, so I don't really have a lot of opportunity to find something I love. Maybe I sounded whiny or something, so they just said something empty to end that thread of conversation?

It probably didn't help that I was already irritated : P I'm worried I came off as ... ungrateful or something, but I thought we were having a conversation about our lives/jobs we had/where we wanted our lives to go.

While it sounds nice to be able to find a job in what you love right away, it's difficult and yeah, you need money. You're going to have to get a less than ideal job just to hold you over. You can save up to move out and look for a better job in a better area.

Sometimes, people don't understand how difficult job hunting is. They also don't understand that degrees don't mean as much as they used to. It gets frustrating hearing from others that it's super easy.

Sometimes, I feel like I can't do anything right. I want to be productive, but I end up staring blankly at my computer screen all day. I guess I'm so afraid of failure than I don't even try. And that makes me stay trapped having to be completely dependent on someone else. Oh, but if I try, I might get so sick again that I have to quit again. Why do I have such a crappy body?

I feel so out of place whenever I talk about my heritage. I'm an introvert, not fluent in Spanish, hate most Spanish music, and don't give two shits about my biological family. I'm also part White, yet my skin is dark enough where people will ask me the same stupid question: "where are you from"? Why does it matter? Stop assuming I'm not from the U.S... as a matter of fact, my stupid family has been in this area since the 1950s. And seriously, if that's the only thing you care about, go away and don't talk to me again. I already have anxiety from talking to strangers, and having people gawk at me makes it 1000% worse.

Is it bad I want lighter skin, straight hair, and a not so feminine body? I try to be happy with myself, but it's hard to when I want to be what I'm not.

I feel selfish when I need to talk about my issues. Even now... I can't say exactly everything that I want to say. I'm scared of opening up to people because I don't want them to know how messed up I am.

Jobs don’t just come magically out of the sky. Especially not dream jobs, and sometimes we’re saddled with something we don’t really want to do just to make ends meet. I wonder how young your friend was, to be honest, if this isn’t something they seem to relate to at all - when they think things are just going to randomly fall into place like that? It almost seems more akin to daydreaming than reality, if you ask me.

I’m so sorry your friend utterly dismissed you like that, and tried to terminate what you were saying. Job hunting is definitely an arduous endeavor, to say the least, and often toys with emotions - hope and disappointment, and it’s so exhausting/fatiguing to boot. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I really do hope you can find someone who has an opening for you. What kind of job are you trying to get, since you mentioned your field being limited/difficult? If you’d rather not say for whatever reason, or if it makes you uncomfortable, please don’t feel obligated to, and pardon my asking / ignore this inquiry.

I had a bird who died, too; a cockatiel named Gryphon, so I can totally relate to missing the common signs of having your friend around - from the sounds to their small, warm body under your hand’s caress… it’s difficult, but at least you can take comfort in the fact that he’s no longer in pain, you know? And cherish the moments you did have with Charlie - be thankful, and blessed, he was in your life and a part of your family, where he was most assuredly loved, for all those years. I’m sure you two had wonderful memories together. ❤️❤️

Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of knowledge about dieting/exercise-related shenanigans that would help, but I hope you find something that at least helps you feel better. I’m sorry I have no advice in this regard, but I did want to say it matters to me that you’re struggling with these problems.

Depression has a way of trying to deceive us though, and I know how hard it is to struggle with those feelings and not let them overtake you. But I’m here to say that you can’t listen to it; you can’t let it win. Manipulative? Is it really manipulative to want someone else to care about your feelings? I think not. It’s only natural to want support - it’s something we need. Anyone who calls it ‘manipulative’ is being unfair - you have every right to voice your opinions and feelings, and be heard. I adamantly refuse to believe that you’re ‘not worth it’ - because you are. And I don’t mean that in the token platitudes kind of way. You do matter. Everything you do matters. Even if no-one else sees your actions and thoughts and feelings but yourself - you are important.

And don’t think it’s just because I’m saying you are. Your self-worth isn’t merited by what someone else says, but rather by who you are. And I hope some day you can see that for yourself, even if it isn’t today, or tomorrow, or for years yet to come, or no matter how much the mental illnesses try to tell you otherwise. I just want you to know - if you ever need someone to reach out to, sMail me. I might not always be horribly active publicly, but if you were to sMail me one-on-one I’d make it a priority to respond as soon as I can, okay? I hope, despite everything, you can still be strong. You’ve made it so far despite everything being thrown in your way.

I’m so sorry your mother is literally leeching money out of you, too. It’s really irresponsible of her to keep relying on you (and then being literally verbally abusive to you on top of that). I think… as much as you might not want to, you may have to put your foot down and say no - that you cannot keep providing for her, especially if she is going to be hurtful to you. Hurtful? She should be grateful you’ve been willing to help her. Not everyone would be as generous as you have been towards her, and it pains me to see your kindness taken advantage of in such a way.

I’m glad you’re reconsidering “staying with them after graduation” because this seems like a totally toxic place for you to be, and is just slowly (or perhaps not so slowly) wearing you out entirely. And your brother doesn’t even help? He sounds like a total spoiled brat, who wants to shirk responsibility and duty. That’s infuriating, when he could be playing his part to take some of the burden off you. As someone who also has a brother that was similarly disappointing / gets into trouble constantly, I know how you feel. It’s just… honestly? Ridiculous. Ridiculous that you have to be the mature one and the adult in the entire household.

I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. I know it’s not easy, but hang in there. I hope you can start making plans or trying to save up money (if you can, I know you mentioned money being tight about college and everything else) to get a place away from these two. Do you have a Paypal or something? I can’t help much, but maybe I can send a small bit of money your way? Like I said, I don’t have a lot to give, myself, but even so, I really do want to help, and care about your situation. I know you’re also uncomfortable with gifts typically, so I can understand if you’d rather turn this offer down. Just know that I do care. hug

Sometimes, the depression wins in the end, because the struggle is a real one. It’s not a fairytale, where there’s always a happily-ever-after. It’s just life. And I know - I know how hard it is to keep going, especially when things like this happen. But don’t… don’t give up, okay? Just please don’t give up - find a reason to keep going. Even if it’s small. Even if it seems trivial.

I know this feeling, of being too late to respond. But if you ask me, it’s better late than never. I’m a really, really slow individual myself (as you can see from all the responses on this thread, even), but isn’t it better to say something, than nothing at all? I can understand where you’re coming from, but I also encourage you to try, even if you do think it’s too late, or that your response doesn’t matter. Perhaps it doesn’t - but you can never know what you might say that might stick with someone the rest of their life. I’ve had friends just say a few things sometimes, when they’ve not really known how to comfort me - and some of those things I still remember to this day. Because for some reason, it just clicked with me. How can you know what you have to say won’t make a difference in the long run, even if it’s “late”? Have courage.

I’m going to be honest with you. Some of what you said makes me a little nervous, but on the other hand, a lot of what you said is something I actually totally understand, and even relate to. It’s like what I mentioned to - being leaned on too much can totally break someone. It’s exasperating and takes so much out of the person doing the giving. Your whole stance on it being all rather one-sided hits a note with me too. It’s easy for everyone else to expect kindness and consolation from you - it’s easy for them to get used to your generosity - to even take advantage of you, with no regard to your feelings. And I’m sorry that it’s so tiring, and that you feel as though you are obligated to help.

I once had someone guilt-trip me, saying that they would kill himself if I stopped being his friend. So I… absolutely understand the feeling of “obligation” - that you “have to” - or you are a “bad person.” Well, I say no to that. There are times when, it’s better if you break off from them - their life and welfare should never be solely placed on you to burden. That is NOT your responsibility, and it’s absolutely unfair of them to expect that from you. I don’t think you’re terrible for feeling this way. In fact, I feel like your honesty about the subject is something of a refreshing change.

People say to be honest with your feelings. But sometimes they don’t really mean it, especially if it’s something “controversial” like feeling the way you expressed. Be honest as long as it’s socially acceptable, is what they mean. Be honest as long as it’s not an inconvenience to someone else. And if you have to lie to everyone else, including yourself, it’s not really being honest at all, is it?

It’s okay to feel this way. You give so much of yourself to others, that it’s only fair it upsets you that they only seem to care about themselves, and not you. You deserve that consideration right back. You deserve to be able to be yourself - and be true to yourself and your feelings - rather than always being the one used by others. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had my kindness taken advantage of too (and I equally hate to lean on others now, knowing how unfair it can be to them, and keep things to myself for the most part), so I really… absolutely relate to where you’re coming from.

If the rest of society deems you a “terrible person” for just wanting fairness, then I say screw society to be honest. There will always be people - like me and - who understand more where you’re coming from. Hey, we can all be bad people together, eh, if that’s what a “bad person” is being defined as. And hey, maybe step back from some of these friends, and take a breather? Take some time to yourself. You’ve more than earned it, honestly. Sometimes, it does worse things to allow someone to lean on you, than to tell them no, because it only enables that behavior. Sometimes, the best thing is to just step back instead.

It’s something people don’t like to hear, but it’s true. And sometimes, truth hurts.

But anyways, I actually wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I think it was a good thing to do, even if others might disagree with me.

I'm trying to open up a bit more, because staying shut it is hurting me and others. I find it really scary to do so, but I want to grow and be more comfortable with myself. I just need to make sure I don't go beyond what I can handle, because yeah, it can hurt more in the long run.

I'm also trying to cope with me having to wear silicone earplugs when I go out or when the person living upstairs walks around a lot. It's the best solution I have for my oversensitive hearing... They muffle sound very well and they don't hurt the inside of my ears, which are small and get infected easily. I do feel defective, but Cyra is helping me combat those feelings.

Also, thank you for not saying something like "love yourself". It's like telling me "cheer up" when I'm depressed.

Mm, you know, I think it’s good to try to open up, however scary that can be. You can’t grow if you don’t try. And failure and making mistakes is not a bad thing, because you learn from it. In fact, there’s a video I very much like that you might find relevant. It’s called "Why You Need to Fail” by Derek Sivers. I know it’s around 15 minutes long though, so I can understand if you’re too daunted or don’t have enough time to listen to it, but I continue to find what it had to say helpful in encouraging myself, personally.

I am glad you do have something of a fix to the noise problem, even if it’s not ideal, but you can only really change what is in your own vicinity, rather than theirs. It’s a shame. Especially when it’s by no means your fault to “clean up their mess” so to speak. sigh I’m really so sorry you have to deal with these things, but at least the earplugs don’t hurt your ears - that’s rather a relief. And I’m glad you have Cyra, as well. ❤️❤️

Mm, precisely. No amount of someone else repeating often-used words are going to change your feelings. Depression and issues of self-worth are not so easily combatted; there is no magical cure for either of these things. If only it were that easy, ah. To disregard someone’s feelings as being a matter of “you only need to love yourself” (or what you said “cheer up”) dismisses the struggle behind it, and does nothing to fix the actual problem. These are things we know already - I’m sure if we had a say in the matter, not a single one of us that truly suffers from such negative, hurtful feelings would opt for it. Knowing something should logically be one way - such as self-love - versus how you actually feel can differ greatly. No amount of “knowledge” will fix that. It is only something you can come to in your own time, and even then, can be a constant battle. It is not easy. And it is unkind to box it into an easy solution. There is no easy solution. There is only determination - that we not give up, ever, and keep pressing forwards, no matter how hard - or frightening - or daunting it is.

I'm really glad to hear that you've opened up more. No one should have to suffer in silence, and it really warms my heart to hear you've got friends and family who are supportive and loving. It truly isn't easy, but that shouldn't stop us from trying. We gain the more we try, the more we fight against the invasive thoughts and feelings. As you said on Faint's profile - to not give up. How beautifully said. ❤️❤️

My friend is young, yeah. They're 20? We had just been casually chatting, really, but I thought it was going well. I haven't talked to her much since then. She does have a job, but I think she lives at home and she seems to travel a lot, so I'm not 100% sure of her situation. I'd like to work in museums! Ideally, an art museum, but I'm open-minded. It's a competitive field, and while there are a lot of museums out there, they usually have limited job openings and want someone with a considerable amount of specific experience. Also, there's only like 2 within an hour of me that aren't just little family owned museums in someone's garage, so it'll require moving which usually requires money, yatta yatta. I interned at the one this summer, which doesn't have a job opening right now, and applied at the other, but they went with someone with the specific museum studies degree. Ugh. I understand but it's frustrating. They gave me some good feedback, but also recommended I get a degree or take classes in museum studies, which isn't financial possible right now. I'm about to get my Master's, anyways, in Education so <_< I do have an interview Wednesday at another museum, which I'm excited for! It doesn't pay great, but I think it'd be a good starter job. Thanks for talking/listening!

I feel like my life right now is a big game of tug of war. It doesn't seem to matter which side wins... I lose. Everyday is a struggle.

Why can't my school have a way to schedule an appointment with a counselor or email them? I seriously need the help, but either I have to drive an hour away and risk there one being unavailable or make a phone call (which I have terrible phone anxiety). WTF school???

I hate that I can't change my display name for my online classes. I'm stuck as my stupid legal name, so of course that's what everyone is going to call me. No one cares about intro posts and the fact I clearly said I want to be called Sky. -____-

The guy upstairs is driving me crazy. His stomping has gotten louder lately and even though I do have earplugs, I can still hear it. I keep on being woken up from the stomping at 6 am. At least he's gone from 6:30 am - around 6 pm on weekdays. On weekends though, nonstop stomps and he stays up until midnight usually.

What is peace and quiet? What is sleep?

I have decided to open up to a few people, and I'm very glad I did. I've realized a lot about things and I do value myself a bit more.

I've tried to change my name to Felixys but I can only ask the teacher to call me by said name and:

1. Feel awkward to ask 2) Will surely get ignored. I really feel the struggle :c

Is it possible to ask him to tone it down? Or at this point, offer him some soft mat or something. If all fails, landlord?

I don't understand why asking to use a different name is such a big deal. The struggle is real.

Well... I've tried to talk to a lady who was blasting music at the pool on Sundays, and she ended up raising the volume even more and threatened to fight Cyra. We got in trouble, because the lady told the office what happened (though I'm assuming in her warped view). I was also told to not say anything to the neighbors and stay to myself. I'm not on the lease for reasons, so, there's nothing I can do... If Cyra or I say something to the upstairs guy and he tells the office, I might get kicked out. Alternatively, he could stomp even more and make more noise.

I think it's all on the teachers and their "habits". Here, most teachers will ask if you would prefer to be called by your first or second name. It's already good imo but I cannot ask to be calling Felixys tbh. I get your reasoning!

... WHY ARE OUR NEIGHBOURS SO SHITTY?! I cannot provide anything to help since most options are expensive and/or sketchy. It sucks and I'm sorry you're in such a situation.

I KNOW RIGHT!?! I don't know why it's so hard for some neighbors to be considerate. :/

It's okay, I'm trying my best.

People talked about each other. People complained about each other. People were demeaning in how they did it. It was sort of in a casual, off-hand sort of way. Like, "I don't know why they were doing x. It's just common sense to do y. I don't get how they didn't realize that." But in a way that was snarky and condescending. One person in particular laughed about the possibility of a student being trans*. I don't know if it was meant how it came across, but it made me uncomfortable and I'd have to work with her most days. AND, she made some racist comments when she was discussing how she disagreed with the tearing down of the Confederate statues/moments. She mentioned about 'their own people starting it' when talking about black people and violence, and was also talking about slavery in a really weird way like it wasn't a big deal and "well, the Chinese were slaves to, so it shouldn't be a big deal to just them." I don't think it's appropriate for her to bring her personal viewpoint into a place like a daycare and talk about them openly. This is probably something I should have brought up when I gave my two weeks, but that was draining enough honestly.

People were also treating me like I didn't know anything. I'm sure a lot of them were more experienced, but I have 6 years of college dealing with kids plus 4-5 years of experience in an assortment of settings and I'm tired of people assuming I'm inexperience because I'm young/look young, because I don't have my own kids, etc.

This was all on top of having to take a bus for an hour to and hour and a half, wait around for 4 hours for my shift because of the bus schedule, and not get paid well. I previously loved working at a daycare so I was hopeful about it, and I really needed a job (which is the main reason I accepted the position, honestly, even with the flaws of the bus riding and pay), but I just couldn't handle it.

Now, I have to stay there for two weeks. I got an email today asking if I could still work certain shifts & saying that the lead teachers were surprised because I was 'learning quickly and doing a great job', but that only sort of irked me more at this point because I already know how to work with kids and have experience at a daycare that had basically the same structure & even more state-mandated regulations and I felt like it was sort of trying to tempt be into staying?

I know that working somewhere else, like fast food or retail, isn't going to be that much better. Or maybe not even better at all, who knows! But the gas stations pay better, and there's a few places hiring closer that would give me more/better hours without wasting half my day on the bus and waiting for my shift. I probably should have thought this all out more, but I was getting desperate about getting a job and was relieved that something that sounded promising seemed to be working out...

Just earlier, I lended her money (yet again ™) to pay her medicine because she has a sinus infection. So like the good child that I am: I did. She went away and did something else. A few hours later, we argued for something and I tried to hold myself back but I boiled over a bit. ... Of course I just simply told her to leave me be. Which is very reasoable imo! But then she pumped up and told me "did you take the money back?? or just never gave it to me???" I tried to explain that I've handed her the cash and even what we were talking about. She angrily rumaged through things, more angry mumbling and accusing me of thief (for my own cash lmao) and finally found the cash. She did not even apologize.

SO. Yeah. If I move with my mother, I need a complete separate area. Otherwise, I'm not following. That's it. Ain't going to kill myself for her. Enough is enough.

It's true though... retail and fast food jobs aren't going to be much better. But, being closer to home would be better at least.