[Chat] The Butt Hens Coop
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Well, hello. Happy Valentine's Day! It's been a while, hasn't it? o: How many of you guys are even still active around here? I know I haven't been, recently. Actually, I've been away for a long time, and only came back fairly recently. Life's been... Well, you know. So, I was hoping that maybe I could start up a chat thread, if anyone's interested, so that I might get back into the habit of coming to this site daily again.
Ayyyyyyy. It's been a while!
I'm still here, but I've been focusing a lot on RL stuff so I haven't had time to do CWs or things like that. >-> Gotta work on professional portfolios and such. Lots of RL stuff. School, work, etc.
I haven't touched CWs in ages, either making my own or buying any. D: Real life is busy for you too, I see. I hope you can put together some good portfolios, I've seen your work on the other sites and you're getting better every day!
Ah, thank you! x-x Yeah i'm trying to get all my stuff together before the deadline and then...crossing my fingers that I can get into the programs that I want!
What's up on your end?
Not a whole lot, actually. Job hunting, mostly, outside of lurking on other forums and drawing. Life's actually pretty boring, outside of going to Florida for Christmas. Yourself?
Ohh I see. I hope it's at least 'boring okay'?
For me it's been pretty swamped with all the school stuff I have going on, so i'm just trying to get through this last semester.
I live still. -lol- I don't visit the forums often but check in each day.
[kiss=blackwolf_2009] [dance=blackwolf_2009] [egg=blackwolf_2009] [TP=blackwolf_2009]
I suppose "boring okay" would sum it up.
In short, though
I've been having family issues for the most part, between my schediaphilia and my being transgendered. It's putting a lot of strain on me and I can't talk to Mom and Dad about it, so I've seen my doctor and opted to go to psychiatry for a while to see if that helps. Mom's happy about it, though I feel it's because she thinks the psychiatrist will drag me out of my "phase" she thinks I'm in right now.
Other than that, it's mostly just been a bunch of watching anime, playing games, and trying to stay sane. :L
@blackwolf_2009 Yeah. I notice the forum layout changed a bit, there are some new sections based on CWs that I hadn't seen before now. Excited for Survival?
Ohh boy, tough stuff indeed. :I We're here for you if you ever need us, to talk or anything. I wish there was a way that could go smoothly..
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I've been having some medical stuff happen, but one of the big things is that i'm thinking of starting T. Scared to hell to even...bring up this whole subject with family because I don't think they'll take kindly to my identity. Blah....
Yeah, I am. Been waiting actually. So she thinks this will get you out of it? -_-' Just accept it, woman.
[kiss=blackwolf_2009] [dance=blackwolf_2009] [egg=blackwolf_2009] [TP=blackwolf_2009]
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I'd love to start HRT if I could, I'm hoping once I talk to the psychiatrist it might be recommended. Because right now, regretfully, I still look VERY feminine IRL and I hate it. : I think it might be best for you to break the news to them eventually; starting T and going through a change without giving them prior warning might do more harm than good. But on the other hand, if you tell them beforehand, they may try to stop you, whereas if you start on T first and then tell them, it's essentially too late for them to do anything. It's a tough call, but no matter which one you take, I wish you the best of luck. o:
@blackwolf_2009 Honestly, I'm starting to think she has more issues than I do, tbh. Like, this past while she's been flip-flopping back and forth between moods. Yesterday at the restaurant, we talked about Art's upcoming birthday, and she was... Not fully open about it, but sort of open? Like I think I was able to convey to her that, even though Art's two-dimensional, he was still created by the series creator to have a personality, traits, likes/dislikes, and an actual birthday. And things were okay.
But like before that, I was cleaning my dakimakura cases and she was helping, and she had the idea to dry them faster by wrapping them in towels to soak up the excess moisture, and it started out fine but after she got one of the cases wrapped up she started stomping on it and muttering "I hate you, you little fucker" and even after that, when her and I were watching Wheel of Fortune the night after, I had my PASH! magazine in my arms and she like, started trying to punch the part of the magazine's cover were Art was. And I was like "okay, wtf is your problem? Why do you hate him so much?" And she was like "he's got you crazy in love, that's all I need" and I'm here thinking… Would she treat a REAL boyfriend that way? If me being "crazy in love" makes her lash out like that, what the fuck would she do to a living person if I felt the same way towards them? Seriously. It's creepy. :
I think your mother does have some mental problem. That's actually quite insane.
[kiss=blackwolf_2009] [dance=blackwolf_2009] [egg=blackwolf_2009] [TP=blackwolf_2009]
@blackwolf_2009
She's also really paranoid that people are always trying to listen in on her conversations or somehow watching her through the vents. I've tormented her a few times about getting a tinfoil hat. And she's a huge control freak who has to have everything to HER standards no matter what anyone else in the family thinks, and she will literally get pissed off at next to nothing and wind herself up until she explodes into a rage fit. : (And of course, it's never HER fault that she gets upset, it's always someone else's fault.)
I honestly think she needs a psychiatrist more than I do. Like okay, I might see myself as male and I might be in love with someone who's two dimensional but holy fuck.
…No wonder my hair was going gray. OTL
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Ahhhh, yeah. You do bring up a good point though. I'm thinking a lot about how I might tell them....but this is also something for later. I have to focus on all this other RL stuff first, and I still have some medical stuff to go through before they can even see if T is an option.
And of course I still have to fully make up my mind about that. I'm holding back a bit on hesitations...and I think i'll really need to think on the pros and cons to see if it is something I want to go through with.
That said I hope the processes on your end go well, or as well as they can. :I These subjects are always...delicate with family.
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Yeah. I have a few trans friends elsewhere who had reasonable parents that were okay with it. I guess it's just because my parents are so old fashioned that things like homosexuality and stuff still are foreign to them? Mom's still coming to terms with men who like other men, let alone people who feel they were born into the wrong body biologically.
I'm personally not sure if I want to go full-fledged sex change (mostly because that's super costly) but at the very least, I'm definitely sure that I want to get a mastectomy and a hysterectomy. But, that's going to be difficult. I don't have the finances, Mom absolutely will not pitch in, and I don't have cancer so I'm not sure I can have them removed even if I could afford it.)
At the very least, I know I want to at least LOOK like a guy, even if I don't have the... Parts. And crossdressing for me just doesn't do it.
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Mmmhhhmmm yeah, it's tough stuff. :I All of it is expensive and even if insurance covers a part of it or whatever...parents will find out.
I'm thinking you might be in the US or something? I can't imagine how much everything is...in different countries. Gah.
I personally don't want to go full with the change...but I see what you mean about "looking" the part. Binding doesn't do it and it's just frustrating when everyone uses the wrong pronoun....like I know it's even less likely people would refer to me by the gender neutral ones I prefer but it's to the point where I would rather be called "he" than "she". And I think changing my figure could help alleviate some of the dysphoria...
Nurhurrr, I'm actually in Canada. :D
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Healthcare here is covered, I think, but even so I don't have any kind of insurance so it's a scary venture for me right now.
I'm not even allowed to bind, so the best I can do is just wear baggy clothes and look a mess to hide my chest, because it's unfortunately NOT small. : Every time someone calls me "girl" or addresses me with "her/she" I clench my teeth. The baggy clothes, at least, not only hide my chest but also hide my curves. I have dysphoria too, and it's bad. I can't even look in the mirror in the bathroom unless I'm fully dressed, and I covered up the mirror in my room with pictures of Art so I can't see myself. I have self-destructive tendencies and looking at my body just... I get the urge to scratch and tear at things.
Mom still keeps pushing me to shop in female clothing stores, "even if I buy something that looks boyish" but she doesn't get that it's not the same. Even in terms of female clothing looking boyish, it's still form fitting and I hate that.
Oohoho, me too! :D
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Mmhhmmh...that sounds really tough. :(
I get the scratch urges stuff, but for the most part i'm okay in front of mirrors. The trick is just trying to keep hands occupied, cause I scratch all over my neck/face/back and that's visible if it gets bad.
I've made some offhand comments of shopping in men sections to parents cause "the clothing looks nicer" but it's just, ignored. :T Mhh...might be worth it to just go on my own but i'm small and stuff barely fits me, for either department.
Everything flares up horribly when it comes to...swimming. I can't do it anymore because of the whole bathing suit dilemma. Can't bear to go out in public like that. :(
I think she is insane then. o-o
[kiss=blackwolf_2009] [dance=blackwolf_2009] [egg=blackwolf_2009] [TP=blackwolf_2009]
@blackwolf_2009 Sorry for the drop in replies, you two. Dad was coming home from Indonesia so Mom and I had to clean the apartment and so I've been really busy. I've also had to kick up my job hunting game which has not been... Enjoyable.