- Om-nom-nom, the angst is yummy for my tummy! LMAO! The tears comment made me laugh right out. Hon, I don't cry at sad endings. Sporry. :)

- Good thing is , though, you will get a part of that bunch of back-pay and it will buy you something nice, like another trip to Paris or to Germany for another Christmas market. :) I don't expect you to sell to me because of those reasons. I prefer to pay cash for that kind of stuff so I'll see if there's a person closer to home who sells it. But, buying it from you was my first thought. I like to support my friends. :D

Interesting how things pop-up geneticly like that. For my family, it's Congestive Heart Failure. My bio-mom died of it, my maternal grandmother did, and so did my maternal great-grandmother. Plus, I have it. Nice to know where I got it and that I'm most definitely going to diefrom it. x.x Gee, Thanks, mom. x.x

- don't let the mom guilt stop you from parenting your babies. Sometimes you have to be tough with them so they'll be able to deal with things later. :D

Here is Nightless Night on YouTube so you can get someone confused as they try and explain it to you.

Yes, Sam Lake (head of Remedy) made a 16 minute foreign arthouse film for the game. You can watch the short in its entirety in the game itself.

The lore reason of the short is: It shows Scratch's plan was originally to trap Alan Wake and switch places. This would leave the writer trapped and the Dark Presence free to roam where it wanted.

What makes this hard to understand is that the short stars Alex Casey and not Alan Wake...well...Aleksi Kesa who is a former FBC agent. Oh, and it is an arthouse film so...oooh boy XD

haha how did you know, been checking trips for my birthday in september. Sadly everything is in the week before or after my birthday... sheesh! Just check the website scentsy, they will find you a nearest consulent :)

Oh boy it was stuff yesterday! No rain but they promised us rain. Anyway at work the hallways where nice because of the ac, the rooms where hot! Glad to get home and relax and cool off on my balcony. To tired to go online and dance, so catching up now. I am not liking the robot items...

Today is clouding and 9 degrees cooler.

i've been reaing a book but a dutch female police officer, telling stories about her work. Some are fun, serious, bad and horrible. But that's all a part of being a police officer.

Oh dance is here. -puts mask on-

Not really happy with my outfit but has to do

This was literally an existing outfit that I had that I slapped a mask on the night before the event! I'm glad that I did, or else I would not have been able to participate yesterday LOL ... I've been playing on and off for years, but somehow I've missed every single holiday! This is my first time! I have so much stuff I want to buy and that steamworks lounge so I have to do a lot of dancing to get enough money lol. I have to make up for like 15 years!

Hey Everyone!

I have been out for a while cause of mental issues. I have not been in the right headspace these last few days or weeks, and I'm unsure how long it's been since I posted here. I'm still not all with it. But I knew the event would start soon, so I wanted to get out here and participate. However, I am not sure exactly how to. I never really did holiday events on here. I have the mask on and clicked on someone to dance with, but I'm unsure what else can be done after that. Any pointers are greatly appreciated.

I really need to get some things off my chest, and since I don't have anyone to talk to, I hope it's okay for me to post them here.

Depression and anxiety suck. I never truly understood what depression and anxiety meant till I started to deal with them. I have had depression since I was in elementary school. It began to come out once I started to see what things my mom and grandmother were doing with their medications. I had to raise my little sister while they were always at the hospital getting pills. My father is a trucker, so during school, he would be out working and home at 9-10 at night. My brother was of no help cause he only cared about his video games and nothing else. This continued till I was out of high school. I still live with my family, and I feel like my depression and anxiety from the issues in my childhood are continuing to get worse in my adult life. My mom is clean now, which is great, but I do not want the "chores" I had from childhood in my adult life now. I want to be able to do what I want for once and not have to worry about anyone else. I don't have children to care for or a husband or boyfriend or anything its just me now. I wish I had people to get me out of the house and do things.

My family yells and argues a lot with each other. I hate yelling. When I was with my ex, he would yell, and I would shy away from him and try to hide. I was never hit or anything as a child, and even in the relationships I have had. But the trauma from the yelling and screaming and the constant having to grow up faster than I should have had really affected my life and still is. I hate conflict so much that when I have a conflict with a patient at work, it takes me a few minutes to get a hold of my emotions and calm myself to continue my shift. I think these traumas have been an issue with finding a partner with whom to spend my life. There was a period when I wanted to be gone, that maybe everyone's life would be easier without me in it. Maybe Im better off alone. But I deserve to have a life. I deserve to be happy and do what I want and not worry about anyone else's opinions. I had a breakdown in front of one of my exes, and he broke it off the next day because he didn't want to deal with my issues. I understand my problems are not his to deal with, but at the time, I needed the support and he didn't give me that, and it made it worse. I made it through, but it still hurts when you feel you can just let it all go and out, hoping the person will stay, but then finding out they don't, and it makes you think you can not be yourself with anyone, cause they always leave. I think that is why I can get into a relationship, because I hate being hurt and left. I feel like I'm not enough for anyone.

Thank you for listening.

I can understand about depression and its affect on relationships. I'm married and amazed that anyone can put up with me on a bad day.

If you don't feel you can handle a romantic relationship, I wouldn't recommend pushing one on yourself. Relationships can heal you but there has to be effort from both sides. So being in one won't instantly make things better.

I have trouble leaving the house so I don't really have anyone that I can go to offline. Had someone that lived close by but then they moved to a different state XD

Long time no see, everyone. Will be popping around for some dances hopefully.

Definitely wish I had a lot more time to commit, but I've been scheduled six day weeks at work and I've been dealing with some of the worst side effects of my rheumatic diseases. I'm so burnt out it takes everything in me not to just plop over and fall asleep!

I forced a relationship on myself with my last ex, and I put in the effort, but I felt he wasn't putting in the work either. He just kept saying to get on medication and just kept making me feel like I was broken and not able to do anything till medication fixed me. Dont get me wrong I wanted it to work out with him so I did go on medication and am still on it but some days it works great and I feel happy and alive but then I have some day like today and most of last week that I just do not feel myself. The relationship with him was great in the beginning, then I moved in and felt like I was a mother to a 23-year-old. I was doing everything while still working full time. I would cook dinner he would never eat anything I cooked even when I made it the way he wanted it. After a few months of dealing with that and the constant doing what he wanted to do and never what I wanted and when we did do things I wanted he would keep pushing to want to leave and do something he wanted to do. I felt so alone and worthless the last few months I was with him that I finally said Im done and moved back with my parents and have been with my parents since and have not had a serious relationship since him. While he got a girlfriend a month after we broke up. Just makes me feel like I was never good enough for him and makes me rethink what I truely was like in that relationship. Was I the one who made it not work. But Im glad you were able to find someone to make you happy through your good days and bad. I just hope I can find someone who will do that same for me.

Oh Hell no on the YOU weren't good enough, that was all HIM! I call BS on that.

I understand depression too. Mine is different than yours. My family home life was loving and warm. It still is with my brother and son, but I really miss my parents and I always will. We've had our share of misunderstandings and hurtful things said. Outside my family, I've been in dangerous situations as well as feeling so dark and depressed I couldn't see any way out. I've felt like my life didn't matter and everyone would be better off without me. Twice my beautiful cat Sundance saved my life many years ago. He was always there to comfort me when I was upset or sick, and he always let me cry in his fur. He was there when I couldn't talk to anyone else. I miss him so much. He was a part of my life through a crucial 15 year span of time filled with life changing up and down events better left in the past. Although I am long since over my suicide attempts, I remain grateful to have had such a friend that loved me so unconditionally.

Anyway, I also understand the anxiety. I can't stand crowds for very long. If I have distance in between me and them I can take it longer. But I've had panic attacks at Christmas with my own family. Strangers are far worse of course. I also am claustrophobic. Combine the two and its really bad. Among a few other issues, I have a variant of Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). This is the definition: 'SAD is a mental health condition characterized by an intense fear of social situations where one might be judged or scrutinized. This fear can be so significant that it interferes with daily life, causing distress and avoidance of social interactions. It's more than just shyness; it's a persistent anxiety that can significantly impact various aspects of life, including work, school, and relationships. Individuals with SAD experience significant anxiety and fear in social situations, often worrying about negative evaluation, embarrassment, or humiliation. People with SAD may actively avoid social situations or endure them with intense distress, impacting their ability to function normally.'

I believe - and I am not a doctor; this is an armchair opinion based solely on what you said - that you have SAD too, mixed with a few other things as well. Mine is not nearly as bad as yours; you have trauma from repeated verbal, emotional, and negligent (as well as possibly physical) assaults from childhood to today. If there is any way you can get out of that house safely and into a much better and secure situation, you should do so. You said your meds sometime help a lot. That's great. So are you under the care of a good doctor? Do you feel safe with him/her? Do you feel able talk about your situation? Are they helping? If not, go to a different one. And keep going until you do feel these things. Sometimes finding the right doctor is very difficult, but absolutely key to helping you eventually finding your own balance of healing and strength. I would also say don't ever rush into a relationship, esp not now. You need to tend to yourself first and heal. Discover who you are and what you really want out of life before you try to share with anyone else.

But if you do meet someone, take your time. Don't just jump in. Hold back and be observant; evaluate what they are doing. Do you feel wanted and loved and understood? Are you cared for? Is this person treating you well? Do they listen and in return talk about themselves? Does your opinion matter? If not, move along. They aren't worth your precious time. If they are abusive in ANY way, there is only one chance. Kick their sorry ass to the curb. Don't listen to 'I'm sorry, it will never happen again' or far worse, if they actually try to say it's your fault in any way, HUGE red flag. No second chance. They will never change and the situation will go from taking you completely for granted to being in the hospital with God knows what kind of freaking injuries.

I apologize for going off the deep end but I have seen this entirely too often. I sincerely hope you get the real help you need. As Christopher Robin said to Winnie the Pooh, "Always remember... You are braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”

Thank you! You do not know how much your words mean to me.

I am so glad that you agree that the situation with my ex was all his, not mine. When I moved out with him, I finally felt free and could breathe. But then, after a few months, I started to feel like I was drowning again, like I was living with my parents. I do know that going to live on my own is the best option at this point; however, it is tough with a car payment and debt, and then add school costs on top of it. I do not have enough to move out at this time. I have been trying to save as much as I can, but the bills aren't helping with that right now. I do want to be in a relationship, but I know it is not the right time for that. I rushed into a lot of relationships, and they all ended badly. I also am not sure what I want out of life. I want a house and kids one day, but I am only 23, almost 24. I have time for kids. However, with my newfound PCOS, that might be harder in the future. But I'll make it work somehow. But I know I must be at my best to raise a child. They will need me for everything that comes their way.

I started with the medication from a psychologist; however, when I went into the phlebotomy school, I lost my health insurance for three months. During that time, I could not go to any doctors or get medications. But I was actively looking for a new psychologist to prescribe the medication. Still, when I got my insurance back, no one was available, so my family doctor took over my medications. They have been working, but there are some days when they do not work as well. So I do not feel like I should change them if they are working the majority of the time. I tried therapy a few times, but idk they just never really felt like they were hearing me. It was always about why or how that made you feel. I did not think that those questions were helping me with my situation. I still do not, but I am still in the situation.

I'm not going to lie, there were a few times when I was in high school that I did try to end my life. I would sit in the shower with my shaver and look at it, thinking I should just end it now and be done with all the pain. But I always stopped it and started doing other things to keep my mind away from that, like crocheting or knitting. Keeping my hands and mind busy helps keep those thoughts out. Listening to anything happy, like children's TV shows, greatly helps. My family makes fun of me for watching them, but they keep my mind on happier thoughts. I know that is strange for a 23-year-old to be watching preschooler shows, but if it keeps me from hurting myself, then so be it. It's keeping me safe, so I will keep myself safe, no matter how weird a habit it is.

I feel like getting away from my family alone would help for a while—maybe a little vacation, not something huge, but maybe to Maryland. I don't know. I feel like I need time to myself with no one around to judge me. I don't know. I guess it is something to think about for a while before making a decision.

You are doing what you can and you have goals and they are good ones. You are already helping yourself and moving forward. A vacation sounds great! A long time ago when I had to move back in with my parents, there were many times I just went and sat in my car because it was the only thing that was mine. Just to get away for a few minutes. It was difficult to be an adult and be told 'While under my roof...' By the way, I'm 66 years old and I love kiddie shows, like Unicorn Academy and most Disney movies. Tune them out. You do what helps you and pffft to them. <3

Thank you! It is hard hearing those words when you're not a child anymore, and I do understand since I am still living under their roof, I still should be helping around the house, but not the way I was when I was a child, having to care for my sister, make dinner, and do everyone's laundry. They are all old enough now to do their own. I LOVE Disney movies!!!!!!!! I'll sing along and dance to the songs lol they get me in a happy mood and I tend to stay happy for the whole day, which is much better than being depressed and angry. Sometimes I'll get in my car and drive to the canal or boat launch and just sit and read or wait for nature. It's just calm and relaxing. I do not have to worry about anything else.

Agreed. :)

huggles you tightly

My favorite book series of all time is a Young Adult series. So who cares if you're "too old" for something?

It took me years to find a new therapist after my last one stopped taking my insurance. It sucks when you don't have a professional to turn to.

I currently don't take any medication related to my various mental health issues. But that's what works for me. Other people need medication to function. I take medications for my various physical issues and taking them every morning takes like a minute at least.

That combination is lethal! Rest when you can. Esp when no one's looking... Hugs

Yep yep yep. I watch whatever the Hell I want to. I'm very eclectic too. lol ;)

Oof. Same boat here. I am just restarting counseling after a long bout of being afraid because of a bad one. Counseling does work but there are jerks. Meds work for certain things and sometimes stop working and you need a whole new set. Sometimes things just are awful inside the head no matter what for what appears to be no reason. Setting boundaries is hard but necessary especially with family. Sounds like you need a sit down talk with them. Counsellors can help with how to communicate. So can the internet.

you need to be with those who understand and if the ex didn’t they weren’t right for you. Even if they are perfect for someone else, a person can still have been bad for you. Talking here if you need to vent to feel seen is always perfectly ok as long as we skate around site rules.

I tend to watch horror movies mainly. Of very varying quality.

I LOVE b-horror movies so much.

When I read it tends to be mainly sci-fi and fantasy.

Got another chapter out. Hope you're doing well.

You are all the best! Thank you for listening. :)

Today was not such a good day at work. I was alone at a lab site and I was late by 10 minutes cause I thought my start time was later. Then patients kept coming in left and right, I had absolutely no break between patients, I didn't even get to eat my lunch, which is not good for me since I tend to pass out when I do not eat. I was so overwhelmed that I cried twice. Patients were not helping either. Yelling at me for long wait times, and then when I had to clarify a script with the doctor's office. Not a good situation for my already bad mental health. But I am home now, and I can finally relax and calm down.

I'm sorry you had a bad day. No one should be running a lab by themselves! I hope its much better tomorrow.:)

Uh oh - what rules were we breaking? Need to know so I don't do it again. :)