exactly. it all sucks and it's all out of control. i'm sorry you had to deal with that shit. i really am.

everything you said was perfect. everyone needs to read this post and absorb the substance because she really helped explain it very well

Thank you ❤️ I hope everyone who thinks EDs are "attention seeking" or fads takes the time to read it too. Or at least read some other non-biased piece of information about what it's like and how any recovery is a constant work in progress and takes strength and effort.

Don't judge if you don't know what you're talking about, plain and simple. I tried to explain to the best of my ability so hopefully it makes a little difference somehow to readers such as the one I addressed.

edit

fuck off not even gonna bother anymore.

edit; no, i will bother. don't scramble to try and tell me that i didn't use your exact words. i know what you said. i'm comparing you to people who say "just eat" because they's pretty much exactly the aura you're giving off right now. i'm sorry that you had an eating disorder, okay? but just because you recovered doesn't mean that everybody else can. i am aware that you never said you pitied me. you said that you didn't, and i said i didn't want it. plain and simple. why does it get you off so much to say these things? "yet, here you are complaining about a problem and not being like" i'm trying to fix it". you're just complain about how people don't understand how hard it is for you. whining. pity me because oh god it's so hard. that's all i see." i don't care if that's all you see, it's not how it is, period. you're not being a nice person, alright? the entire point of the thread was explaining that we aren't trying to insult people because we have a disorder that is centered around how we view ourselves, how it has nothing to do with how we see others. i'm so sorry that my friends in person are extremely hurtful whenever they mention my weight and people on the internet aren't. sue me. no, i don't have to listen to you, so i won't because if i confide in my friends all i will get is the same bullshit you're giving me. i want people who don't understand to listen to me. that's the whole point. i want less people to feel hurt. i don't like it when people feel insulted people people who have ED's sometimes can't help but voice how they see themselves, and people don't understand that we aren't trying to make it personal about anybody and chances are we think you're fucking beautiful. i don't know or care what people think about me. i don't know anything right now. i don't even want to get better. i don't fucking know. i just don't. but you're not helping and i really just wish you'd stop with these accusations. please. it isn't because i want anybody to feel bad for me or disagree with me but i'm asking you personally to please stop saying these things because they are not true and i don't understand how you could have had an ED for 4 years and not see what's wrong with what you're saying. keep on if you'd like. i do take it as an insult. a lot of people do. i'm not trying to be special. i'm not trying to gather pity or any of that. i want the opposite. i hate attention. i fucking despise pity. i don't know what to say anymore. i'm confused. i don't know. just whatever. i don't feel like confiding in anybody anymore. i just feel weak. so okay keep it in your head that i'm just whining and begging for pity fuck my head is so scrambled

i mostly agree with teacup. i remember how it felt trying to get over my disorder, i felt guilty for wanting to abandon it. i felt that it gave me comfort and made me calm. that was extremely twisted thinking, though, and at some point or another you have to grow up and realize how much happier your life will be without it. it's hard, it takes a while, it sucks at the time, but it is worth it. there are still things that i am afraid to give up because i am in my comfort zone.

but it all starts with realizing you can take control, you are not "weak," and whatever mental block you think you have can be shot down as long as you WANT it to be. but with any kind of mental issue, you usually need to hit rock bottom before you realize the position you are in. :/

you are all sweet supportive girls and thats great but really cut it out (i'm not trying to be mean .-.) with the "i cant control this or that" YES you can you are STRONGER than that (see i'm complimenting). looking back on that time in my life, i cant remember one reason why i thought i was so weak. so is there a specific reason you think everything is just out of your hands?

you guys need to do positive affirmations YOU ARE PRETTY, SWEET, LOVELY, AND KIND and your physical body has no bearing on that. repeat that to yourself everyday or i will come back here and ping you guys everyday just to say that. life is too short to keep yourself from enjoying delicious food and your beautiful body~

i get what your thread was for i guess-- but seeing it out here in the open just makes me wonder why why why??? :( ive been on subeta a while and seen you around.. you are strong enough to let the entire subeta community know about it. strong enough to be supporting other users who are going through it. you are strong enough to take care of yourself, and strong enough to stop letting a disease rule your life for you.

i'm sorry for lashing out i've just been having a hard time i swear i dont want pity i cant control it though im sorry though youre entitled to state whatever you want and im sorry

thank you its complex

edit; i feel like i've made a fool of myself here so i'm going to stop posting on here but carry on and such please thanks guys.

just a little thought that probably doesnt sound any good to you now but really: stop doing drugs and things will get better

(pot is always ok tho)

no thanks :)

I know I can control it. It's the FEELING of not being able to control it at times, if that makes sense? The guilt I will feel if I eat too much of a certain thing, if I go over a certain number, if I don't exercise a certain amount of time, etc.

But like I said, I have my horrible days and I have my great days where I do just fine and I can look in the mirror and eat yummy food and not feel too badly. I'm glad you were able to come out of yours, and trust me- I work my ass off EVERY day to try and make myself eat healthily. I've never told anyone IRL about what I deal with. I'm not trying to victimize myself in any way or make myself seem like this defines everything I am, but I do have a bit of anonymity here on Subeta that I don't get IRL. For me, it honestly was helpful to talk to and others and just sort of 'get it out of my system' in a way instead of bottling everything up inside and just being mopey and dwelling on it or feeling like I have nobody to talk to. I don't have a huge number of friends IRL that I can confide in, unfortunately. I wasn't coming here looking for attention or trying to show people that I'm not going to make an honest effort or I just want to let it take over, I just couldn't help but take advantage of the one place where I can communicate with people who will sort of get what I'm going through. I'm not trying to post here to get affirmation, encouragement, or attention.

It's not okay to have an ED, it's not okay to freak out about food, calories, exercise, etc. I know that, trust me! Recovering and developing a healthy mindset is a process and it's something that I'll work slowly but surely towards every second I can. It's an ongoing process. It is irrational- but so are lots of other fears. (Not trying to justify it, but making a comparison I guess?). Comments like yours ARE helpful and I do appreciate everything you've said because you are honest and not at all in a rude way. A well-thought-out response makes a lot more impact than saying "get over it, I don't pity you" like some other users, because phrases like that really don't do anything constructive...

Idk where I'm going with this but tl;dr, I really appreciate your comment and everything you've said. So thank you (:

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