Your story gives me hope and makes me want to open up to my boyfriend. I know he's be supportive, I'm just scared he wouldn't quite know how to handle it and I'd feel even worse. I know if he encouraged me to eat, it would stress me out. I know he wouldn't push food on me, but just the idea of someone else knowing is... hard, I guess. If you don't mind me asking, how did you tell your fiance? Or did he just 'know'?

My boyfriend tells me the same- how small I am, I'm beautiful, perfect, etc but I agree... I just don't believe him. But I do trust him too. It's hard because I appreciate what he's saying but I just don't know how to make myself see what he sees or what everyone else around me apparently sees.

This so much omg. Earlier this year I visited a friend at UCLA with some friends and he had free meal passes so we ate at his school. I went straight to the salad bar- the rest of my friends went straight to the pizza bar. I can't even tell you how many times I heard that day "aren't you going to eat any real food?" or "what are you, a rabbit?".

Excuse me if I'd like salad with fresh veggies instead of greasy pizza or processed meat, I didn't realize my food wasn't "real". Ugh I can't even imagine your frustration :c I'm sorry you have to deal with that, I've only experienced it on 1 occasion but I know how bad it is. I don't give in to temptation too easily- I'm a control freak so for me I just couldn't wrap my head around why anyone would even WANT the pizza...

he just knew. i've been with him for 4 years and spent every day with him for just about the entirety of our relationship and a couple years befoore that so we are both open books completely, we read everything about one another naturally and share everything. i mean, thhe first time i ever even really mentioned it directly was a little while ago, "do you think i have an eating disorder?" and he just nodded and snuggled closer. that was before i really even thought i really had one. i don't know, i think weird. i denied myself until very recently. even though i knew. i don't know.

OMG that's exactly what my friends say to me! 'Stop eating that rabbit food and eat some real food, Steph!' No, thanks. I'm good.

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Hearing your words seriously reminds me of myself. It's good your boyfriend picked up on it though, it's definitely important to know someone is looking out for you. I want to tell my boyfriend, I'm sure he already has a hint but idk... we don't live together or anything, so he doesn't see me eat all of the time. But part of me thinks he's in denial since I've hinted at it enough- I'm really hard on my body sometimes and I speak without thinking. But I'm glad to hear you have such a great support [:

Sadly it seems common ]: I didn't know "rabbit food" was interchangeable for "healthy, natural, nutritious food" but apparently a lot of people have the misconception that it is.

I'm hoping so. For me 115 just... it sounds like a lot. It FEELS like a lot. I try and rationalize saying it's mostly muscle... which could be somewhat true, I've been working out a LOT and my body has definitely tightened and I do have fleeting moments of confidence, but still... more often than not I don't feel so great.

Oh my goodness... I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine. That's just so horrible, I can't even fathom why someone would be so cold when obviously you want them for support. That's really selfish of her and I hope one day she'll come around and apologize. She must not have fully realized what you were going through if she could just dump you like that. I'm so sorry for you ]: things like that make me fearful of telling my friends too. I think a lot of people don't see that people with an ED don't want attention or to "steal the show", they just want help and comfort like every other human being.

Definitely. Most people would never DREAM of telling an obese to quit eating to their face. But it seems so second-nature to most people to tell thin people to "eat a cheeseburger! grab some chips!", which honestly sounds repulsive most of the time. My idea of healthy doesn't include starvation but it sure as hell doesn't include cheeseburgers either. I just want to find a happy medium.

And I just want to say that talking to each of you is seriously SO dang helpful to me, you have no idea ❤️ I have no friends/family irl that know about my problem, and even online this is the first time I've ever like... talked about it with anyone and it feels like there's a huge weight off my chest. So... thanks :]

I don't know why. I love veggies! I eat carrots all the time. When I was younger I ate a loooooot of carrots and squash- so much so that I was quite literally turning orange! My parents took me to the doctor who told them that I needed a larger variety of veggies and food. ^_^; I love spinach, cucumbers, green peppers, lettuce, bok choy, broccoli, cabbage, snow peas, green beans, and of course, CARROTS!!! I will eat them raw (except for bok choy, cabbage, and brocolli). I don't understand why eating vegetables is a bad thing. But I guess with the 'obesity epidemic', vegetables only count on pizza :/

thank you, it really helps a lot to have him. he puts up with all my shit. i think you should open up to your boyfriend. it'll feel great to get off your back, and i'm sure he'd be just as supportive as mine. <3

i turned orange when i was a baby from sweet potatoes! lol.

Those are good, too! I like to grill them and add a little, tiny bit of chipotle pepper. The sweet and spicy mixture is awesome ^_^

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Lol "veggies only count on pizza". I totally agree so many people have that mindset! "Oh there's mushrooms on this pizza, that counts!". It technically is a serving of veggies, but when you coat them in sausage, cheese, and crust, idk if it matters whether or not you get in a few veggies. Pizza is one of my weaknesses but now I'll only eat it if it's homemade so I can see what's on it and what goes in it and monitor how much I'm eating.

Your boyfriend definitely sounds like a great guy [: I think it's time to open up to mine, I just need to figure out what exactly to say or how to go about it... he's pretty health-conscious but I'm still not sure if this is something he could understand.

I avoid the scale like the plague. I can't even tell you how much I cried when I hit 115, which I felt really pathetic for. I feel like I've gotten a bit smaller, but I'm too scared of that damn scale to step on it and see if the number's changed and I'll want to be even smaller. For me the biggest step was abandoning the scale because before I was seriously on that thing 3 times a day or more which obviously isn't good for anyone.

That's so upsetting :[ I can't even believe that, who the hell would have the nerve to do that. Perhaps she's fighting her own battle and just had a breakdown or something- hopefully someday she'll at least offer an apology for the things she said. But it's true, sometimes when you see someone's true character you just have to remember there ARE people in your life who definitely will support you.

I think the problem is that many people stereotype too much and too often, they say "ah, he/she has an ED, but they're just seeking attention, it can't be so hard to fix it, they probably don't even want to get away from it" those people who judge about others don't think about what might be the actual case or that every person is an individual and has to be seen that way. I don't have an ED, but I think I can understand how irritating the social pressure can be to have to explain yourself over and over and not being understood anyway, because I myself am too thin for my height. Medically I'm on the 'weight limit' but it's still medically fine and I'm also satisfied with my weight and looks. And even if I wanted to gain weight, I couldn't - my body uses the energy too fast for it to be stored. And to keep on hearing things like "you know, the way your handling your body, it really can't be healthy" or "You're so thin, are anorexic?"

Ah I keep on blabbering, what I wanted to say is that I think it's a good thing that you set straight that kind of thing

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@ tattoos I'm sorry you have to deal with it I know it's alright as long you yourself are alright with it, but the pure stupidy and ignorance is driving me crazy I'm living in germany and most time I have the feeling that these are not people I'm dealing with, but sheep D= no matter what theme or situation it is, most of them stereotype and/or follow the media without using their own brain it's so irritating and with their brainless words they keep on hurting people who aren't yet immune to it

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cool =) it's nice here, but I still have the feeling as if I'm missing something, though that might be caused by the fact that I wasn't born here and thats why I don't feel so homey - buuut that might also be part of my personality...cough The funny thing is that its usually these clones which scream the loudest for more acceptance And you're right, being unique is the best path you can choose, it's more interesting

somebody anonymous sent me an amazing gift basket. i hope they're okay with me posting the contents here.

"You rip open the giftbox to find ...

As someone who's been struggling with bulimia since I was 12, I just want to say thank you for making the topic that you did. These last six years have been incredibly hard considering I worry myself sick on a daily basis thinking about how I'm killing myself, yet I can't seem to stop the persisting urge to make myself throw up. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get help for this sort of thing, hell, I can't even bring myself to tell my long-term boyfriend who's been so kind and supportive of me because I don't want him to worry. All I know is that I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on anyone.

I would've posted on your thread to thank you, but I have online friends who also play Subeta and don't know that I'm dealing with this.

Again, thank you for making that topic. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Happy Fetus from Anonymous!"

i don't know what to say. i'm so happy that you found some happiness in my thread, i want to help anybody and everybody. i throw up a lot too, i don't consider myself bulimic because i don't binge/purge. i just...do it a lot when i do eat. especially if i think i ate too much, but i don't have any perception of "too much." i don't know, it's something that i do a lot and it's just rough, i don't know how it is to actually be bulimic and i can't imagine but i'm here for you sweetie, and you can message me privately if you want to. i can help support you. and my friends here can say things to you, too, if anybody would like to on here. i'm sorry about what you're going to. please stay safe. please, please get help. i don't listen to myself. i know that it's hard. i know how it feels, that feeling of slowly killing yourself, wondering how i'll end up, where this will lead me.. you need to open up, to somebody. i know that you don't want your boyfriend to worry, but he wouldn't want you to be alone. he wouldn't wish that upon you. and again, you can always message me. we need to stick together in times like this. recovery for me seems like it isn't even possible even if i've somewhat recognized the problem. i feel like i'm so delusional that i can't tell one thing from another. i don't know. i just know that i'll never be able to shake this, and i hate that feeling. i'm here for you honey. this made me cry. i want to help. i'm glad i could at least a little bit. you're a sweet person. you're beautiful and smart and trust me, you'll be better one day. the pain won't last forever..

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I know it has nothing to do with who I am- but when you're at your lowest point, you just sort of feel like it's the end of the world. I haven't stepped on a scale in months which honestly is a huge step and it's made me feel a lot better. I'm seeing subtle improvements in my body through working out more and making sure I eat enough healthy foods. Sometimes foods are scary, but to me being sickly thin is just as scary too.

I'm just trying to keep at it. Thanks for your kind comments ❤️

And to the Anon message:

If you don't have anyone IRL you feel you can open up to about this, definitely message or someone else here who you can open up to. For me- this has been my first time opening up and it just feels... relieving, I guess. I'm building up to tell my boyfriend what I'm going through. It's not easy, but having some Anonymity online does help. There are tons of people here willing to help, so don't ever feel alone. I don't understand what it's like to deal with bulimia and purging is something I've only brought myself to do on rare occasions, but I'm sure there are users here who do understand and could be helpful to you.

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same here. i don't even talk about it on my tumblr. my boyfriend is the only one who knows. and my friends who try to cram food down my throat. i can't begin to explain how convenient it is that i'm a vegan, though, and i don't buy any product, whether it contains an animal product or not, that is owned by a company that DOES animal test or use animal products. it's the truth, but it's also a great excuse. they all say, "you're not anorexic, right? you're just a vegan?" and i nod. one friend i think knows, though. like, actually knows. because he has vegetables sometimes. and idk. i like opening up about it completely on subeta. i'm close to a lot of people on tumblr, in real life and online. so i don't talk about it on there. i'm kind of scared how i'll end up. i hope you can find a way to open up more. it's a good thing, i'm so happy you've found comfort in letting it out here.