i don't know why people think saying all that bullshit is helpful but it never ever has been, you'd think that after gauging reactions or even thinking for a second how people feel that they'd have some common sense but sadly that's just wishful thinking. i really am just stunned that people think that it's something helpful, to make jokes or state "facts" i don't know, i don't have much to say i just know how it feels when people talk all that shit and ugh x_x

My cousin was bulemic and anorexic and I don't judge her for that and don't take it personally. There's no point. It's like being depressed or bi-polar. It isn't just under her control.

well that's good, i'm glad you don't, it says a lot about you. i've just heard too much shit too many times and i sorta wanted to say what needed to be said since not everybody can understand.

It's good to let it out sometimes and say what we feel we need to. c:

yeah, definitely. i don't like things stuck inside.

Yeah, seriously. I mean, my best friend and I occasionally joke about how skinny we are, but we know we're just joking. I would never make a joke towards a skinny person that I hardly knew because I don't know what they're dealing with.

People need to think before they speak. Words have power and they need to be used properly.

i always just think they're lying. i don't know. i know i have a problem but i still genuinely can't see past it and i think people are just trying to make me feel better, which starts a whole cycle in my head, like, "i know i'm fat and so do they but they know i know so they're going to lie to me to try and make it better since they know being fat makes me sad." etc, etc. i just stay silent when people say shit usually because if i dare disagree they'll flip out and say i'm just being an offensive cunt and i should be happy that i don't have to struggle to look like this o rly??

That mindset just seems so strange to me. I never really understood why someone would be offended by someone else's disorder. My mother is now incapable of seeing what she really looks like due to psychological trauma brought on by her parents constantly telling her that she needed to lose weight, and she does ask questions like "Am I fat? Am I skinny? Do I look alright?" because she can't actually see what she looks like. Some people might find her to be self-centered or vain for asking, but I never really understood how they could look down on her for something she can't control. Personally, I find it a bit vain of the person to be offended, as if the person's disorder is about them rather than the actual person.

I totally understand. The fact that you know you have a problem is the first step to recovery. No one can help you until you realize that you need to be helped.

I see it that way: the eating disorder often comes not from the person having it itself but is brought to them by the society, like others calling them fat etc etc bla bla. So it is clearly not their fault in the beginning. But I guess that is only my weird opinion. I feel sorry for everyone with an ED, because everyone sees the fault on their side but never thinks about what brought them to that disorder... :/

(Oops, wall of text, I guess I needed to vent or something.)

I agree wholly, though I don't have an ED I can relate more from 's POV, I've never been sure if it's mild depression or just general life-style-melancholy or what (and where the heck do you draw the line anyway?), but I've never been able to help these bouts of almost-crippling downs, where everything just seems hopeless and some mornings only habit seems to get me out of bed, were I have in the past found myself curling up at night and crying without even being able to put my figure on why. Thankfully the one lecturer I have any real respect for is aware of this and just that fact keeps my chin up, because I knew if I wanted to I COULD talk to him. But the younger ones just tell me to "cheer up" or "wake up" if I'm looking down/tired/distracted/withdrawn, and it can be crushing. I wish cheering up was that easy, I wish I could just shake myself and focus but I can't, and really, you're not helping, stop taking my being distracted as a personal affront to you as a teacher, and ask your self if something is wrong (heh, of course then you gotta get me to admit it out loud, which is 10x harder ^^; totally not helping myself much) I hate "cheer up it's not so bad!" more than anything (er... other than "calm down!") because I've almost come to fear the days where I'm just REALLY HAPPY, because I know if I have a really good day, the next two or three are going to be so painful, and general glumness has become better than HAPPY SAD HAPPY SAD all the time.

I've a couple of friends who I've tried talking to when I've been feeling particularly bad, but they always bring it back to themselves somehow, and as much as I DO want to be there for them, I'd like it if you'd just let me spill /all/ the beans one day, and just, ya know... Listen. I KNOW one of them has emetophobia and I go out of my way to remember not to bring up the subject or be around her when I've been exposed to a stomach bug. I KNOW one of them is sensitive about her weight and has issues with her family. And I've always tried to be there for them, I don't know if I come across as more insensitive IRL, but I hope they know I'll always be there so long as we're friends/in contact (I'm too paranoid about loosing friends not to be, even if I didn't want to), but it's getting to the point, that after 7 years of hinting about certain things that I would really like to know if they ever noticed at all =< and I'm too nervous to actually say anything solid a) for the normal acceptance/understanding reasons and b) because nothing is strong. I'm not strongly masculine, I'm just me (a lot like my dad actually), but how can I say "er hey guys, yeah um... So since I was about 5 I've [sub]identifiedasmalepleasedon'tkillme[/sub]" when I just expect everyone to give me this funny look like "you don't ACT all that male." Gee, I'm sorry I don't have an uber manly dad, or any brothers, or any close male friends because I don't socialize well =| I'm just me, and the me my family and (mostly) female friends have made me, that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with this body or anything*. And I'm not cripplingly depressive, it's just a punch to the gut occasionally, so it doesn't really show, it's like stubbing your toe compared to some degrees of depression, so again how are people to understand "well you look okay, cheer up and stop moaning!"

IDK, people have their own problems, some of the time I just think they're too wrapped up in their own to notice other peoples', just as I'm sure I've missed my friend's problems when I've been concerned with my own things. Still it would be nice if more people could just think and listen to people a bit more =|

BASICALLY, before I totally went off on one. When someone has a problem of ANY sort, it's normally more helpful to hear them out before imposing your own same-but-worse-in-your-opinion story onto them, before telling them to pull themselves together or whatever... Often what people want is someone to rant to, NOT necessarily AT, so when someone is complaining in your general direction, pull your head out of your arse and ask yourself if they're really moaning about you before you attack them for it. I'm raising my voice angrily =/= I'm angry at you.

Thank you for posting here, it's a good reminder that everyone has their own issues to a greater and lesser extent, and I'm sure everyone is guilty of saying the wrong thing and just the right time.

*I've always kept my gender unspecified on Subeta, and a lot of people actually presume I'm male, which always cheers me up. It's nice. And I hope no one feels some what... lied to, seriously it makes my day to be referred to as 'he' or 'him' just on the basis of my HA and what I've typed, because it means /some part of me/ comes across as male, even if it's not a lot of me.

I know how you feel somewhat. I've never been down to double digits, my lowest was at 100-105 before which for me looks very, very unhealthy. I look at pictures of myself from sophomore/junior year at that weight and I'm so bony. I'm at 115ish right now (gained a lot of muscle) and I'm a pants size 2 instead of a 0 and I still have trouble accepting it. I KNOW that I'm at a healthy weight right now, but I just FEEL like I'm absolutely huge. I still do everything I can to avoid food and in social situations like eating out with friends, I'm always the awkward one with a small plate. When other people point out how small they think I am it makes me self-conscious because I don't see myself that way at all and I want to counter them- but I know I'll get the same "you just want attention" or "omg you think I'm fat!!!" stupid type response.

I wish people would try and be helpful or understanding instead of judgmental. Especially people who know how far you've come :[ I went to McDonalds (that place makes me sick) with 2 friends a few months ago because they like it, I didn't put up a fight or refuse- they both got burgers and fried chicken sandwiches and fries and I got a diet soda, which for me is a big deal since I don't drink ANY type of soda, 0 calorie or not. I'd eaten a snack earlier so I didn't want more unnecessary food, especially not that type of food. The whole time they kept trying to feed me fries and ugh omfg I can't even begin to say how uncomfortable I was. Imo telling a thin person to "eat more, you're too thin" is like telling a fat person "eat less, you're too fat". It's just annoying, and shoving food in my face is really upsetting. I wanted to badly to tell them what I'm going through, but based on their behavior I'm not sure they would have cared/understood.

This can be true, but not in all cases. I know for me, I'm not going to blame anyone other than myself for what's wrong with me, and I don't project my mindset on to others. Imo society has little to do with me being uncomfortable with my body. I have friends who are possibly a good 40 pounds overweight, but to me as long as they're healthy, they look absolutely perfect. I don't want to be a supermodel, I don't want to look like a movie star. I don't want to get to double digits- I just want to someday get to a place where I don't see food at something to be scared of. I'm just not sure how to get there.

it sounded like i was just reading something projected from my own mind and memories and everything... i'm so happy for you that yo've come so far

Well I'm glad someone can relate ❤️ I mean, obviously I'm not glad that you're struggling as well but it's nice to feel like you're not always alone [: I know personally I haven't told anyone IRL about it, not my parents or my boyfriend :/ I want to tell my boyfriend (I think he might have already picked up on it...) but I just don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone worry.

same, the only person who knows is my fiance, who i live with and share everything with so yeah. i just hate whhen people try to make me eat or complain about it, or repeatedly ask me when the last time i ate was. and over and over making hurtful comments. i can't stand it. i have a panic disorder so i just lose it. especially if there's multiple people doing it at once. oh god.

I agree yet at the same time, not. I've had/have an eating disorder as well but sometimes, when I see people that are bigger than me eating junk food or just a lot of food in general, I gloat. I'm like, 'You have no control, unlike me. I can resist. I'm better than you.'

I don't live with my boyfriend and my parents are busy/work a lot so there's no really anyone around to supervise me all the time, which is probably why nobody's caught on (or if they have, they're keeping quiet). I hope your fiance is supportive though- I know it's a hard thing to deal with but I know if I had someone's support it might be just a bit better. I just want to find the right time to tell him I guess, I don't quite know how to begin putting it into words.

That's so terrible, I'm sorry people say those things :c people have a habit of thinking "they're small, so I can say whatever I want". I don't really want anybody mentioning my food intake, period. Whether it is high or low. I just get really anxious if too many people comment on what I eat. Like the time I was at my bf's mom's work and the ladies there asked what pants size I wore, then on the lunch break his mom kept offering me food. I'm glad I was only there for a little bit because I was about to freak out. But I know it's just their lack of understanding- I try to be patient with people but I wish people were patient with me in return at least!

I'm guilty of doing that too. I think it's normal though, especially when I see someone eating something unhealthy. There was a humungous acne-covered girl in my math class last year and every class she would bring a slice of pepperoni pizza and a large soda to class. It made me so frustrated because she obviously had no idea (or just didn't care) what her nasty eating habits were doing to her body. By coincidence she was also in my aerobics this semester- and she dropped out after the second day. I just remember thinking "I'm so happy I will never be like her". It's selfish, but what can you do? Even my family teases me for being a bit of a "snob" in their words when it comes to food because I won't eat anything if I can't see the nutritional label or if it's over a certain amount of calories.

i completely understand that. everybody has a different mindset. honestly i think that sometimes too but i think a lot of different things about everything... fuck lol usually i don't care but there certainly are times where i'm thinking the same thing. but in a selfish cynical sense. i dunno. i get like that, a lot. there is seriously just bullshit all over the place. jesus fuck

my fiance is unbelievably supportive. heh never forces me to eat or pressures me at all. he just encourags it but never makes me. he offers small portions of vegetables and whatnot. i'm a vegan with a plant based diet so it works out in my favor that everything i do eat is very healthy and it's jusst a fantastic reason to not eat what others offer. it's not my reason for being a vegan, but it makes it a lot easier to escape from people just thinking i'm choosing not to eat. it doesn't always work obviously but it helps a bit. i'm just bakes and rambling, sorry :p anyway. i'm so glad i have him. i whine so much about my weight, and that i'm getting bigger and bigger (even though the scale disagrees) and how i just need to lose this much more weight, this many more pounds over and over because "last time wasn't enough, i underestimated" etc etc. but he is still supportive. he tells me i'm beautiful no matter what, just the way i am. he's pretty much amazing. i know he genuinely believes that. i love that. i just don't. i can't.

I know! And then I get so frustrated at them, not caring what people think of them or not caring about their bodies. I can't even go into my cafeteria at college anymore because I feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me for what I do or do not eat. Stupid thoughts :(

I mean, I might see something beautiful in their faces or something, but it's sort of negated by the fact that they are fat/overweight/obese however anyone says it.

yeah, ed's are tricky. i only have a stigma against somebody being obese if it's somebody i already dislike for other reasons and i just judge the fuck out of every part of their body and soul. i still think everyone's better looking than me regardless. it's kinda messed up.