Well I just checked and wwhhaatt seems to be banned :(

I also gifted, Caldodecana's friend y65 (Seems to be a new player from the stats, which endears me) a shotgun item from their wishlist, as a sort of thanks for posting with us in the ping response game thread, on a sort of whim, I was listening to a fellow on YT who I had watched once before and seen often, who is an ex-Jew (Reform or Orthodox I am not entirely sure) and now a Christian, and he was just talking about life, being strong, dangerous, on your guard, but also kind, and generous. He was talking about a dream he had too, where he had a gun in his pocket he would subtly flash if people started getting mean with him, and they immediately become nicer. An armed society is a polite society as it were. I believe it too. I am furious they took my guns. And seek to ban all guns. It didn't even cross my mind that the gift I got for y65 was a tied up in the gun notion, I was more focused on the gifting notion, as a sort of, 1-step-away abstraction of kindness for Caldodecana who posts with us so often, and also has good music taste, and is a fellow enjoyer of japanese culture. All spurred by this youtuber's (Truth Tiger) timely sentiment. Strange that I thought to do so, and to gift the friend of an "acquaintance"-- that is to say, if a fellow forum game poster could count as such, as there is no particularly special relationship there. I'm thankful for wwhhaatt too. I bought a Megaticket for him once, and will probably do so again. And Chook, and Limes, are also a relief to see all the time.

And I also sent my gift to you not long after <3 it was that kind of a day and moment, to send some gifts. To try to be less selfish. I feel I have been spoiled by Subeta and by myself, I had to do something.

I screwed up the item spelling.

I'm gonna shoot some videos out because my impulse control is low right now. Not insanity levels, but, you might find this interesting. Of course, I understand if you're avoiding troubling content at any time, and as always, I have unemployed levels of time to watch garbage, but, this guy is literally Brandon Collins reincarnated in the same era, except obviously not the same. I don't even know how or where BC is these days. Last time I saw him we met up had sushi, and talked in front of my house. It was a strange feeling. I had changed so much, (In my opinion, which is probably distorted, I probably haven't changed that much) and BC was really still very much the same. I was wearing all my battle jacket metal stuff so it probably seemed to him like: What happened to my friend?

But it's like if BC had a real ego breakdown moment and started a YT channel. Even both of Celtic lineage, both handsome in the face, short, and very similar sexual proclivities in some ways though this fellow might be the extreme end of the spectrum and I have to infer some things from when I knew BC that were not outright spoken. This is inkwell content, to be upfront. But I find it very zeitgeistual, or at least I tell myself it is. Either way, I really enjoyed this video, and it doesn't hurt that the lad is smart enough to overlay some Fallout: London footage for entertainment too. He knows the audience lol, moi. I had watched Shelby's channel for a brief span too, before ceasing to do so at a certain point, when it became clear she was a heavy grifter. One thing not mentioned here at all, was that she sunk to the low of selling AI art as her own. And so my respect for her talents diminished greatly, though I don't doubt she is a genuinely good artist. Better than me, and that's partly why I watched her, when I was in my Art mania awhile ago, which has since died since my mania and hope for the future has dwindled. Here be the [link=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hec4kTkirMc]link[/link]

Beyond that, I have some more music. I woke up at like 4 am today after going to bed at like, 11 or 12pm. Not much sleep, hunger induced nausea woke me, and yogurt is running low, my lifeblood, and I have no idea how I will get groceries since me and Jordy aren't talking. Seems he is going to hold us hostage since he is upset. We'll see how life goes. But when I woke I checked Subeta, and they had these (My HA atm) Cowboy boots on sale from the Hustler. I could have kept my current 300 CSC and bought one of my wishlist items, but I decided to grab the boots. My 2nd Hustler purchase, the other being the Pale Dessicated Corpse, which I will deploy at some point. Love me spiders.

It made me think of Orville Peck, who is an artist that I secretly enjoy. A gay cowboy. I really enjoyed the music when I was in my Cowboy era while working at VanKam, but of course, I didn't share it much. Part of me, you know, is a bit conflicted and feels upset that he had to be gay, but, I realize how that sounds. Trying to be a "better person" but failing miserably usually and holding onto my hate and dissatisfaction.. I call it guilty pleasure.

It also sparked synchronicity (God, that word and phenomenon are going to eat the modern world up, especially with AI algorithms in the mix listening to our every word, funded by, well, certain groups.) with my own condition, currently wearing, a Blackened Eye. Makes me think of all the celebrities and rich people who mysteriously get black eyes, however it's probably more sinister in those cases, some cult thing.

I also thought, man, it would be cool to see some CWs based on Orville's outfits, like a big ass devil-horn-cowboy hat like he wears in Hope To Die. Man after my own heart with his style. But I am somewhat ashamed to wear my cowboy stuff in public now, as I confessed to one of the many psychologists I have spoken with now (Who tried to reassure me but failed, as normie advice often does).

I suppose it all started because I woke up, and while I was nausea coping, I was thinking about my favourite forum game and the lovely people there who post with me, namely Caldodecana, because I went and listened to their last.fm widget, as they had BUCK TICK in there, who's song Dress is one of my favourites. And I saw too, that the person is not as obvious as I thought originally. From Brazil, part Japanese, Femme HA, but male or neuter pronouns. I looked up the name, apparently it's a delicious looking type of sugar cane drink local to Brazil, Caldo de Cana, I can see now, that Cana is Cane from Sugar Cane.

It made me think about all this gender confusion going on these days. I searched up some questions about Feminine Men and Masculine Women on Google (Namely the AI result) and was well, unsurprised at the responses. It sparked all of this mornings forays into this and that, and Chadlet Maxxing here talks about Gender Roles. All very zeitgeistual, intermixed with my constant stress predicament of my Bail-bird life and approaching deadlines, and swirling thoughts about things- even the Psychiatrist at the hospital I saw recently, who I expressed negative feelings towards.

Everything seems to be swirling with madness these days, and I think of some Nietzsche quotes too such as: "Of man there is little here: therefore do their women masculinise themselves. For only he who is man enough, will—SAVE THE WOMAN in woman." & "And even of those things are we desirous, which old women tell one another in the evening. This do we call the eternally feminine in us." And simply because this line is in close proximity, I will include it because it resonates with me, and describes generally my life "And which of us poets hath not adulterated his wine? Many a poisonous hotchpotch hath evolved in our cellars: many an indescribable thing hath there been done."

But, beyond my rambling: Here is the music, which might be chosen in lieu of all written and shared above, including 43 minutes of Talk from my fellow in suffering or madness. [link=https://youtu.be/0JyHptBtKW8]The Curse of the Blackened Eye[/link] [link=https://youtu.be/60MHmrtEuRY?list=RD60MHmrtEuRY] Hope To Die [/link] [link=https://youtu.be/mSb8WFYSyGw] Summertime [/link] I could also reccomend many of Orville's songs. Daytona Sand. Dead of Night. No Glory in the West.

Now I go back to watching Raymond bitch about Architecture and Sing wonderfully. I hope today goes swell for ya. I'm sorry for vomiting all my mania to an extent again. There's a (few) Nietzsche quote(s) about this too: "Were they consistently pitiful, then would they make their neighbours sick of life."

Honestly, Nietzsche's whole chapter on The Friend, makes me a little ashamed of how I behave sometimes, and rightfully so. But, I suppose in part, I despise also to be paralyzed into inaction by over-reflection and so- " Thou wouldst wear no raiment before thy friend? It is in honour of thy friend that thou showest thyself to him as thou art? But he wisheth thee to the devil on that account! He who maketh no secret of himself shocketh: so much reason have ye to fear nakedness! Aye, if ye were Gods, ye could then be ashamed of clothing!"

And I might as well share the accompanying perfect pair song too just in case [link=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLqouKvVtH4]Lagtrain (ラグトレイン) | Moonbase Alpha Cover |【DECtalk Paul VCV】【UTAUカバー】[/link]