So since about two weeks ago I have been feeling extremely anxious and stressed out. At first, I thought it was just because finals were coming up. Then, it got worse. I started getting very depressed and wondered about suicide. I say "wondered" because I never really want to commit suicide, it's just that this deep sadness isn't going away and I don't know what to do. I don't think the medication is doing anything, music doesn't help anymore, and the only thing that seems to help is coloring. The stress just seems to build and build. My mom recommended that I talk to the therapist that my alcoholic aunt and her ex/current husband are going to, but I would really rather not. The art therapist I was going to before wasn't doing much for me. All we really did was talk about little things and I did art. The last time I was this stressed was middle school. I can tell I am not doing well because I'm taking about the same amount of care of myself as I was in middle school, which was...not good. I'm seriously considering checking myself into the local hospital. Any advice?

How long have you been on medication for sweetie? It can take 4 weeks or longer for it to start working :) I'll await your answer before I give any more advice!

May I also ask what you do at art therapy? I've always wanted to do it but I'm just not good at it lol, I wondered if the therapist would 'help' you.

If you need anyone to talk to more privately, just smail/comment me. I've been in the same boat for a long time now.

I hope you're okay <3

I suffer from depression too. It took a couple of months for my medication to really 'kick in'. Your aunt's therapist and your art therapist aren't the only game in town, so to speak - your general doctor or a local hospital will be able to refer you to someone, or you could always look for someone local on Google. I don't do very well with it myself, so I can't really offer any other advice. Just know you're not alone in this.

Just a warning, this is going to be a LONG post. I just started a new medication in April, but I have been taking medication since...oh....elementary school? It has been a really long time. And art therapy can be fun. You can play with clay, do weaving, collages, mandalas, and draw, of course. The thing I had the most fun with was making wooden models, like this. The fun part was painting it. The part I wasn't good at was the part of trying to put my feelings into words, or working on things like social skills and trying to stop me from avoiding people. That was very frustrating. I don't like change. It's hard for me to change myself and my routines. Thankfully, I have been doing a little better at opening up in college. I think I just needed time to get out of the public school system. Thank you for offering to be available to talk to if I should need anything, I appreciate it. :) Thank you for reminding me that I am not the only one going through this. Sometimes that is very hard to remember when the depression hits and I start feeling very alone. And there are quite a few therapists in town, but I honestly don't know where to start, and I don't want to go to the same psychiatric place that I get my medication prescribed from. I want to try someplace different.

I'm feeling implications between the lines here but I obviously can't say if they're accurate or not (Since we are just virtually meeting. Hi btw!) Please forgive any wrong guesses and I hope I'm not projecting D: Also sorry for the long post ;-;

What really stood out to me is the fact that you posted this and are seriously considering checking yourself in. That says a lot to me: Aware and admitting there's something wrong and the knowledge something has to change.... Right?

Your level of self care is concerning you (self harm?) and dark thoughts are cropping up. "I don't know what to do." Ohhh boy have we all felt that. But, you might know afterall. You've started by reaching out for help here in a way. Reach out in your life too. Not the two therapists that didn't fit, but someone new. Maybe multiple tries with new people. Maybe someone who works on mindfulness (being aware and in the moment like with coloring). DBT and CBT both sound like something worth checking into in this case. I mean yeah, might be worth checking with the psychiatrist on the chemical aspect too (to see what's working and what's not as far as meds go)

But Mostly it's about finding a good fit for you in multiple approaches. And there is a good fit out there. <3 If you're in the US a place I started was Psycholoy Today you can search in your area by issues, by type of therapy, by a whole bunch of factors.

No self-harm here, unless you count the weird urge to stare into the sun that popped up recently. And the problem with being so medicated from such a young age is that you don't know what is causing the problem. Since I have been taking these medications for so long (except for the one I started in March and upped the dose in April), it could theoretically be any of them. And I'm really not looking forward to when my aunt arrives on Wednesday because she is 120% high octane energy and I'm just not built to handle that. And I have issues being aware of anything. I have a very dreamy personality. Think of Luna Lovegood. That's pretty much me. What's DBT?

You should be able to visit each one in town without making an appointment, just to talk to the staff and get an idea of the vibe of the place. You could call each one first, kind of get a feel for how the receptionist is, if their attitude and general manner is something you feel comfortable with. You can tell them that you want to get a feel for the place and see if it works for you - they have people do that all the time. Think of it as interviewing someone for a position at work - that's what you're basically doing, interviewing someone to work for you as your therapist.

I'm very glad to hear that self harm is not an issue (no staring into the sun though D: ) Very good point about the meds. Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I think hang on DBT Info

the four four sections: "Mindfulness: the practice of being fully aware and present in this one moment Distress Tolerance: how to tolerate pain in difficult situations, not change it Interpersonal Effectiveness: how to ask for what you want and say no while maintaining self-respect and relationships with others Emotion Regulation: how to change emotions that you want to change"

Ah. It took me more than a few weeks to get used to my new medication, so hang in there! But if you're really feeling unable to cope, you should get some help. If you were in the UK I would suggest Samaritans or PAPYRUS (prevention for young suicide) they really helped me out. I'm not sure about organisations like this in other countries though, but is there any you could call/email/text?

I feel you with the medication thing, I've been on a lot of different medications and only two have every helped me. The last one I took really helped but one of the sides effects is that NOTHING FILLS YOU UP. YOU ARE SO HUNGRY. So I gained a LOT of weight, which made me more depressed :P But now I'm on fluoxetine (Prozac) and that makes me feel a lot better. A few months ago I was like you, I was thinking about ending it all, all the time. I still get those feelings sometimes, but they're much more rare than they were before.

I would also recommend starting another form of therapy. CBT has really helped me so far! Although in the UK it's free, albeit a wait to get an appointment! So I'm not sure how much it costs in other countries :( But if you can afford it, I would really do it. I'm a bit of a hermit and it's made me have a reason to go out every week and interact with people other than my fiance, and I go to town after and treat myself to lunch :) It's also helped me deal with a lot of my anxiety issues, which cause my depression:)

I have the opposite problem with my new medication, Topiramate. My psych doctor prescribed it for the purpose of hopefully helping me stop picking at my scalp (also known as trichotillomania), which obviously isn't happening. Anyway, this new medication is making me less hungry. And it shouldn't be too expensive to get an appointment somewhere, I am still covered by my parents' insurance. Thanks for the advice, I will definitely do some research. That sounds like a brilliant idea. I would much rather know right away that the therapist and I are going to get along rather than after I have already paid for an hour-long session. DBT sounds interesting. The last 3 sound especially important and they sound like sonething I should implement, but I'm not sure if the first one is compatible with my personality. Most of the time, I am in my own little world.

Oh are you not on any anti-depressants? I really recommend them, they make you feel kind of 'normal'

I'm glad you're researching therapy! :) <3

I am on a lot of medications. Some of them were prescribed for anxiety but they can be used for depression as well. [edit] So, just an update. The doctor got me on a new antidepressant, but the sucky thing is that it will take a couple weeks to kick in (I think?) and I kind of need that change now. But hopefully this medication change will help. Once it starts working.

crosses fingers Here's to hoping it works fast and well!

Like everyone else, I have good days and bad days. Today just wasn't one of the good ones. I really hope that medication works soon.

Yes, I know all about bad days, ugh. I've had more good than bad lately though, so that's something. I really like your futuristic avatar, btw!

Thank you! :) I worked hard on her. And with my cousins staying over until at least Friday, my life is sort of a mess. I needed a break from responsibilities, and then my aunt decided to come over for ~2 weeks or so. I go out and do things with them, but I am still miserable. It's just really shitty timing and I honestly just want them to go home already. The rest of my cousins are fine, it's just my aunt who is anxiety-inducing. She's incredibly pushy, and trying to get your opinion in is like talking to a brick wall. She will just roll right over your objections and keep talking. I almost had an panic attack yesterday because I was crammed into the backseat with my grandmother and my aunt. The only one who noticed that something was wrong was my dad. And when I told my grandma about how being crammed into the backseat like that gives me anxiety, she basically told me that sometimes I would have to just deal with it. And with my cousins being over, the attention is always on them and I am often forgotten about. What's worse is that one of them is always around. And my optiond are to stay in the room with my cousins or go into my room and isolate myself. It's kind of a lose/lose situation. So I'm just very unhappy right now. I think I am done ranting. I just don't know what to do.

That does sound like a shitty situation, I'm sorry. Can you go out and take a walk? Or just sit outside and listen to music or draw or something? Just keep telling yourself that this is only temporary - they'll be gone soon enough and it won't last forever. It's a small comfort I suppose, but it's something. Your dad sounds like he knows how you're feeling, so maybe you could talk to him about it. I hope it gets better quickly for you!

I think I am going to go to the library tomorrow, I need a break from company for a while. Music does help block out my aunt's voice at least, so that's something. And I have job training on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for 5-7 hours, depending on the day. I am nervous about that.

That sounds good. The library is one of my favorite places - reading in general one of my favorite things. What is the job training? Hey, even if you end up not liking it, at least you'll be away from the family for that long! And I'm guessing there'll be money, which always cheers me up anyways. XD

I got a job with Vector Marketing. It's basically like if you go around selling Pampered Chef stuff, or Avon. I get 17$ base pay for each appointment I make with someone, regardless of whether I sell anything. No idea why the training is going to take so long though. I might get an actual job at CVS or something, not a lot of people I know want expensive knives. Expensive, high-quality knives.