Guys, this is very hard for me and it's not easy at all. So, please excuse my spelling errors and whatnot because I don't have my glasses on either if I have any.

My brother passed away early this morning. He died at home at 12:20am and then my brother and I were notified at 3am. It took me awhile to wake up due to my CPAP. My brother siffered from a life long chronic sickness and he was in pain every day of his life. I know he's in a better place and he's free from pain. But that doesn't make it any easier. I feel very guilty because we didn't get along. We clashed like oil and water. I feel guilty because he asked me to do things with him, like, watch TV or just spend a little bit of time with him. I'd always say no.

I loved him deep down, but hated the things he did because he was turning into my dad.

People have been telling me since 4am that I shouldn't feel guilty because he knew I loved him. It doesn't feel right... it feels so different today.

I've been crying since 3:15am. I don't know what to expect. I just.. feel like I'm a hot broken mess.

To people I owe: I might not be online much

love, I am so so so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're in. I do agree that you shouldn't feel guilty, I'm sure he knew you loved him despite your differences and he wouldn't want you to feel guilty over his passing. I'm not sure anything can ease the pain of losing someone close to you, only time. Please don't beat yourself up over this, I don't think he would want you to suffer even more than you already are. I'm sorry you are going through something so unimaginably difficult <3

hugs I'm so sorry. :(

I am so, so sorry.

I'm sorry for your loss, I'm here for you. hugs

I am so very sorry for your loss. We often feel guilty when we lose people. We beat ourselves up for always thinking there would be more time. We think of all of the things we could/would/should've done... It's like we believe, deep inside, that we aren't truly grieving unless we make ourselves even more miserable than we already are.

You lost your brother. You hurt. Beating yourself up will not bring him back, nor will it prove to yourself that you love and miss him. You have to accept that you love him and he is gone, and that you have a right to mourn his passing.

In time you will also need to accept that we can remember our loved ones without all of the pain. This does not diminish our love for them. It merely reflects that have started healing. That is what living things do. They heal their wounds. You will never completely "get over" his passing, but in time, it will not hurt so much. Eventually you will be able to remember him fondly and with all of the love, but not all of the tears.

In the meantime, try to remember what you loved best about him. Share with others things about him that you admire, the times he made you smile, what he did that made you proud. Those memories are precious and will not only comfort you, but they will also help the people around you as well. HUGS

We honor those we have lost when we keep their memory alive and with us. May you find comfort in this time of loss and sorrow.

woooowwww I'm so terribly sorry for your loss hun :'( I hope you find it in your heart to realize no one is perfect and forgive yourself for feeling that way. Anyone can clash, its the good times you had you need to remember. hugs I'll be home later tonight if you neeed to talk elsewhere. My condolences ❤

I'm so very sorry for your loss -hugs-

So very sorry for your loss!

I do believe it's natural for us to feel guilty when someone passes, especially someone close like a family member. The negativity monster comes out to shine and the urge to make ourselves feel like we are the worst person on the planet soon takes over.

I Am not very good at offering comfort... but just know I am here if you ever need to talk and I wish you and your family lots of love and strength during this difficult time!

Hang in there.

Thank you so much everyone. Your condolences mean a lot. I've been checking in on and off. I had 3 hours sleep and I can't seem to nap at all.

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. hug

I'm very sorry for your loss. And I appreciate and thank you for pinging me as a heads up. But believe me, it's just subeta. You owe me nothing at the moment. Please take the time you need for grieving for your Brother. Real life is so much more important than a game. (Yes I also know that here are friends, but still I think it's more important to think about yourself and what's good for you at the moment).

I updated my forum signature, but it hasn't updated :'(

Thank you.

I know it's a game, but I just feel that I need to ping people when I have things to pay.

Edit: Now it has

Like I said I appreciate your ping. And I will keep your slots for you till you'll be back. Take all the time you need. hugs

What did I even slot on? I can't remember. My brain has turned to mush

i'm very sorry for your loss, . don't you dare worry about owing me anything. we scrap clyde for now, you don't have to think about payment. i'll keep your slot for whenever, you just let me know. you go where you need to be. grief is... a difficult size.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have no active requests from you at the moment.

It breaks my heart to see this... I am so very sorry for your loss, though I know that likely means very little when the pain of losing someone is so profound... I hope that you have some positive memories that will comfort you in some way and I hope that you have someone or something you love as well that can help ease your pain even the slightest bit<3

hugs

On some tights and the new blush I'm releasing at the moment. But like I said, you don't need to worry about that.

I'm very angry right now.

The reason I'm upset is because mom said dad blamed her behaviour on my brother. Said she's been acting like she hates him and that their marriage is done because of my brother. Dad always wanted to get rid of him so things can be "normal" between he and my mom.

My dad is a piece of shit. He said mean things to him, like "You're burden on this family" and he never saw him every time he had a heart attack on went on life support. One time he went camping while he was on life support.

He isn't a father. He never was. He treats me like shit, like a child even in front of other people--strangers. He sexually harasses waitresses because he thinks it's hilarious. We can't even go to one restaurant because of the way we were treated last time (and that was without my dad). I did call head office to complain and the manager apologized and gave me coupons to use at the other location.

I know he's a narc.

I also know he's not worth my time and energy right now.

There's another reason to, which I went into and then deleted.