Hi! I'm a bisexual and I've never felt fully accepted into the gay community, even though technically, I am gay lol. I was just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this, or had similar experiences?

Honestly it feels like -and this is from my experience, not saying it's accurate- mostly lesbians don't believe in bisexuals. But maybe that's skewed because I myself am female? One time at my friends birthday party there was a lesbian I didn't know and she seemed offended that me and my boyfriend were there, especially my boyfriend who is straight, like she literally was like "raise your hands if your gay" and he was the only one who didn't raise his hand.

There's also a gay bar in my town, and they have drag shows at least once a week. I went there last Friday with two of my gay friends (guy and girl), as well as my bisexual friend/roommate (guy). During the show this drag queen who was hosting went on stage and was like who's lesbian! love ya! and then she was like who's gay! woo!, but then she was like "And if I can even manage to say the word...s-s-str..straight!" And me and my roommate were just like .-.

Then one time apparently my friend talked to our other friends behind my back and was like "She's not really bi because she's never been with a girl." I feel like people just make up excuses.

I mean yeah, it's harder for me to keep my identity, especially being a girl dating a guy. Like if I don't outwardly say I'm bi, people are just like "oh straight" and it's like no! I'm not! It's just harder I guess. But even when I'm open about being bi I feel like people are just "Yeah okay"

It's so ridiculous. I feel like bisexuality always get kicked under the rug or only made into a sexual oo-i-want-flirt-with-everyone-not-a-real-sexuality thing.

As a pansexual NB person, I definitely feel the frustration of not being taken seriously by the LGBTQ+ community. A lot of people seem to think that pansexuality and bisexuality are just made up words for people who want to seem special or "can't make up their minds." If nobody else tells you then I will: you are valid and accepted because I accept you. If there's anything I've learned in my life, it's that everyone has a home somewhere. There are people who want you in their community and the people who don't still need to grow.

I'm bi and I've definitely felt this. It's unfortunate that bi-phobic attitudes don't get called out as much as they should be, but I refuse to let them kick me out with their illogical attitudes when I have every right to be in LGBT spaces and so do you. Like when you really break down the reasons why people dislike or don't think we belong, they're all ridiculous.

I'm not bi (asexual, which is a whole other can of worms as far as acceptance from the general LG community goes; I have dated men and women, and I ID'd as bi up until I gave up and accepted being ace) but the amount of biphobia I've seen from the LG community is outrageous. It usually goes hand in hand with arguing that ace people don't belong in the community either, with the exact same language: Hangers-on who are 'stealing' resources from the LG community, fakers who just want to be included but are Actually Straight.

It's become a trend that arguing with biphobia means you're homophobic, too - just recently, I saw a Tumblr user arguing that headcanoning Yuri from YoI as bisexual is homophobic, which was 'just [their] opinion.' -slaps knee- Whatever they say, bi people have done so much work for the LGBT+ community, most often without half the credit that LG people get. Y'all have worked hard. You get a lot of shit. Having the face-value protection of a socially-sanctioned partner for your gender doesn't change that. It's the LGBT community for a reason, but LG people tend to forget that :')

As a person who identifies as pansexual and genderqueer, I can totally acknowledge that bisexuality (and pansexuality) gets left out of consideration by a lot of the LGBTQIAP community. Whether the letters are there or not, being attracted to more than one gender makes many people uncomfortable, it seems. A lot of people couldn't come to terms with being attracted to the SAME gender, and the idea that someone could be attracted to just people apparently conjures the idea of a sexually-loose person (which it isn't, obviously).

People forget that there are plenty of straight-identifying folks who don't stick around for relationships. There are plenty of straight-identifying folks who are "players" and will never be monogamous. Plenty of bisexual-identifying people are HAPPILY monogamous, and will only be involved with one person at a time. That doesn't make them greedy, it doesn't make them loose, it makes them a person, and a person who just happens to have twice as many options to choose from a bar (insert laugh track).

But seriously. It's the same for asexuality, I think, like was saying. People don't accept those who AREN'T sexually attracted to ANYONE, either. It goes against their ingrained thinking of what sexual attraction means. For the most part, even people in the LGBTQIAP community are subject to the script from society that still says that heterosexuality is the norm. And that's two-fold... both the hetero- prefix, meaning that society still holds man/woman (and cis, as well, but that's its OWN can of worms) relationships as the normal narrative, the best version of a couple, and praises it. Also, the "sexual" part. If someone doesn't take part in the culturally praised activity of having sex with other humans--regardless of marriage or monogamy--that person is seen as abnormal, outside the accepted narrative, and because that's STRANGE to them, still, they are afraid of accepting it. And fear turns straight into rejection (and, as we've seen, violence).

I didn't mean to essay all over your post... but I spotted it while scrolling through, and it's something that means a lot to me. There's a thing called "gatekeeping"... where people try to say only certain people can be in their marginalized group, even if those other people are also marginalized because of the same system. Sometimes, it's because they want to be surrounded by people JUST like them, since most of society says they can't. Sometimes, they think resources are so limited and scarce that they can't share (when really, we can just work to make more, yes?). Sometimes, and this is most likely more rare, and I'm NOT pinning it on everyone that is unaccepting, but sometimes it's because when someone else is left out in the cold, it's not you... you know? If there's someone lower than you, you're not the bottom. And I think, unconsciously, for some people, that's where this treatment of bisexual persons, asexual persons, and definitely also trans* persons, as well, comes from.

I hope you can find a community pocket of bisexual people, or pan persons, or just more accepting and welcoming folk to hang with and talk with regularly, because so much of the larger community is actually pretty rockin' with acceptance, it just gets outshined sometimes. <3

edit: In my talk about monogamy, I was NOT meaning to dis polyamory. I, myself, am a polyamorous person, and would never judge someone for that, or say that it's somehow wrong. What I was speaking about, and why I put "player" in quotes, as those who actively cheat and lie with relationships, because that's somehow how bisexuality gets viewed, quite often, as "lying." I'm also NOT meaning to dis those who are aromantic, either, because that's completely valid and not a bad thing.

I have definitely felt this too. There's a stigma that if you're bisexual, you're actually just bicurious and that you will eventually go back to your heteronormative ways, which is complete bullshit. I've been told by lesbian women that they wouldn't date a bi girl specifically because they will "always want a man", which is not how that works at all. It is straight up frustrating because even if I like them and they like me, it's the fact that I've been with a man that turns them away.

As a demisexual agender potato, I feel that. I absolutely hate when people tie bisexuality to being confused or when people assume you're lesbian because you are with a woman or straight because you're dating a man. I used to refer as bisexual because it was less difficult to explain and ... I've ended up realizing that even if I used the B for LGBT ... It seemed like I didn't fit there either.

There is a lot of stigma in the community itself about everything but homosexuality. I've been told countless time that since I'm in the asexual spectrum, I don't belong in the LGBT group even tho I've dated only women in my life and I'm a female born either way. I find it repulsive to see discourse and such. You're valid no matter what.

Yeah the LGBT community can be pretty damn toxic at times, unfortunately. :/ I don't usually like to be a part of the community because I keep encountering assholes and my sexuality is only a part of me, not my whole life.

I'm bi, and 30. When I was a teenager, my best friend was a gay boy, and he ... he wasn't bi-phobic exactly, but he pressured me into saying that I'm a lesbian. Well, I'm not. I'm attracted to people all over the spectrum. Tbh, there's more bisexual people than any other sexuality, but because of the social pressures, we all get stuck feeling the way you do. Now an adult, I know who I am, and I'm comfortable with it. I still get shade sometimes, but most people are relatively accepting of it. Both in queer communities and less queer communities. As for the, have never been with a girl thing, fuck them. You know you. It doesn't matter who you've been with, not been with, or who you're with now. Your sexuality doesn't change depending on who your partner is. My cis husband and I (also cis) are both bisexual. Just because we're together doesn't mean shit. We're still who we are.

Thank you for that <3 I completely agree with you. They're really not recognized in that community. They really are all ridiculous reasons! I think people just make them up, like my friend's attitude of "she's never kissed a girl so she's not bi". Like physical actions really qualify how a person feels. That's so right about the face-value protection of a socially sanctioned partner! I feel like if I wasn't dating my boyfriend I would be taken at least a little more seriously when I say I'm bisexual lol. I really agree with your thoughts of people not wanting to be at the bottom of a ladder of things. I hadn't thought about it that way before, and I think it's really insightful to the whole situation. That's awful! People are so ridiculous oh my gosh. You're better than them anyway if they look at others like that D: True -everyone is valid no matter what nods. Including you! F the people who act like that! I feel like for a lot of them it really is their whole life, which is fine but they use it as an excuse to be rude or mean to people if it isn't their whole life. But those are just my thoughts. Very true! We all are who we are. No one else's opinions on that matter.

Bi-erasure is a very real thing within the community, I'm afraid. -.- Plus we have that "us vs them" mentality to contend with. This is why we shouldn't pit the genders against each other at such a young age and need to be more open about all the gender/sexual identities. It breeds this kind of behavior. Also, sexual activity or lack there of, cannot and will not determine someone's sexuality. Bisexuality literally means sexual attraction to males and females. (Pans love everybody.) It's really sad how everyone thinks you have to "pick and choose" or start gating behavior because you like the V and the D. It's beyond stupid, especially considering how we're all prosecuted on the outside. Gay people, wise up plz.

Pansexual here! I've seen A LOT of erasure online, of bisexuality and pansexuality. I think someone on here commented not too long ago that "Pansexuality was just coded wording for bisexuality" and I dunno, that was frustrating to hear. I know people in my family think that a girl dating a guy nullifies their identity as anything other than straight since they're in a straight relationship.

I hope you can find a place in Subeta! It seems like an open, welcoming community, for the most part <3

I'm a former pansexual lady (now a lesbian), and I experienced this even from close friends. Although they were accepting of bi/pan folks, I was labelled as "lesser" in the lgbt community because I "wasn't as gay", which I found to be completely untrue for myself. I was just as attracted to women as I am now, being attracted to men did not take away from that in the least, it was just an addition that I no longer experience. Ofc I tried to explain this but I was referred to as "less gay" over and over again.

Also, no one actually believes that I was pan now that I'm not. Most think that I was just experiencing "compulsory heterosexuality" or in denial about being a lesbian, which I know for certain that I wasn't. I had plenty of time to consider what my sexuality was, and for the first 20 years of my life I was pansexual. I'm now a lesbian. I think that's such an erasive presumption to make.

For my fellow wlw out there (or other folks who feel they fit anywhere into the whole world that is girlhood & are attracted to people who fit under that huge umbrella too), please feel free to join , which is a really friendly & welcoming group c: I've seen nothing but positivity there <3

So I'll admit I didn't read the whole thread, but I feel you girl. I'm also bi and I've only dated guys, and not even very many lol. Overall my friends have been accepting but I'm also not out in general-I told a few friends at the time/I talk about it on the internet but like I haven't brought it up to my parents or anything because I haven't had a reason to.

Really my only bad experience was one time I told an online friend that I was bi and he tried arguing with me that bisexuality doesn't exist. I was like 'Well what if I marry a guy/girl?' "Then you're straight/gay" like...bro that's not really how it works but ok. Anyway tl;dr I sort of know how you feel /hugs

I am also bi but I have the opposite problem from you. My girlfriend and I are generally viewed as lesbians, though I'm bi and she's pan. We haven't gotten any real negative opinions or anything (at least not to our faces) but it IS frustrating that everyone assumes that we're not strictly girl-lovers. I've gotten strange looks from a couple of people when I've mentioned how hot a guy is when they know I'm dating a girl. People just don't understand how you can be attracted to more than one gender and its incredibly frustrating.

sometimes it definitely feels that if you aren't a cis gay people don't wanna give you representation. i remember when i was iding as bi (im a weird mix of lesbian/bi, but mostly lesbian) it was hard finding even any media that pretended a character was bisexual... and fandom alone was a nightmare. even in media that's supposed to have a bisexual character there's like... no one who actually Says the character's bisexual. like orange is the new black.... piper is Supposed to be bi but they tiptoe around the word like it's acid!!! it's so bad!!!

of course, this stems to all the "weird" labels. people can be cruel, and fandom so much more. it's incredibly depressing. just know that even though everyone else seems against you, there's still people with you

but like mentioned, you are welcome to to make friends and find kin

I've definitely experienced it myself, but usually my experiences have been more online than off. I'm bisexual and polyamorous, so that opens up a WHOLE new can of worms. The amount of "oh so you think it's okay to cheat/you're just greedy" is infuriating! I don't mind curious questions and respect that everyone's views on a relationship is different and what works for me might not work for others, but I don't understand how or even why our sexuality/relationship type is such a big deal for them. My long distance girlfriend is a lesbian, but she's told me although gay girls in her country (Italy) are accepting of polyamory, when I next visit it'll be better to say I'm a lesbian too.

If anyone has any questions about my polyamory then feel free to ask, I'll put a small description below so those too shy to ask but are curious can understand. :)

The best way I would describe my relationships is that I'm genuinely open to people experiencing whatever they want to as long as there's frank, honest and open discussion. Personally I prefer to have long-term relationships with partners/boyfriends/girlfriends as I feel you can more accurately be yourself and it's better for me, so I don't do casual hook-ups/threesomes, things like that. My current partners are also great friends with each other, but that's never a necessity, just as long as they're aware and accepting of each other is enough for me.

Edit: Another thing I noticed was that a LOT of celebrities who are portrayed by the media as "gay/lesbian" are actually bisexual or another sexuality, but I think the media attempts to "simplify" (it's not really simplifying it's erasing) and of course, people respond to sensational media, which doesn't help with attitudes in the LGBT community either.

I'm NB and Pan, and I've straight-up been told unless I lie and say I'm trans 'n Bi I'm not welcome in the LGBT+ community. That's why I prefer MOGAI (Marginalized Orientation, Gender, And Intersex), because it's fair more inclusive, but people have started associating it with °˖✧""Special Snowflakes""✧˖° (which everyone is a special snowflake, because everyone if different and experience everything different), because those "special snowflakes" are genders (nb, genderqueer, Two Soul, agender, etc) and sexualities (pan, ace, demi, grey, etc) that they don't want to take the time to understand.

Well it seems like I've been very lucky or ignorant or both. o-o;; I've been in the "Can't be bothered to figure out the exact description of what I am... but mostly lesbian??" place for ages. Often enough that's how I'll describe myself and folks have been kind of "Sweet on we go" about it. Even a friend of the previous LGBTQ generation was like "That's what I love about your generation." I believe his words were. Admittedly a limited view, but just wanted to mention that there is hope in various places <3

I'm sorry that you've all had to face this. We are who are we are. Ain't nothin' wrong with that. Sending hugs to everyone in this thread and beyond to the lurkers <3

This board makes me really happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I'm also bi and dating a man, and have similar issue with not usually being accepted by the LG community. I have some friends who don't mind at all, but majority seemed to slowly stop talking to me after I began dating my boyfriend. And I lost a few friends when I came out as bisexual, so it feel like we don't really belong on either side. But just remember that our feelings and attractions are incredibly valid and okay. We are not weird or lesser because of who we are attracted to. I'm definitely always available to talk about it if you would like to. <3

Also, Dot^^ is the closest friend I've made on here and she's literally such a beautiful, accepting person. ^_^