the crying isn't out of nowhere. there is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now that is extremely upsetting to me and has gotten so bad that it affects my work. i'm a host, so i have to greet, seat, and say goodbye to all customers. i'm the first person they see when they walk in and who wants to walk into a restaurant to see a host with watery red eyes and nose? um no one. how embarrassing :C i have read that pinching your arm or flexing your muscles is a way to help stop crying, but nothing has worked. i've been drinking ice water to calm me down and relax my diaphragm. that usually helps a little but even that isn't working. i have to walk away every 10 minutes or so to go to the bathroom to cry. and this will sound so dumb but i am really effected by music. the song doesn't even have to be sad. no matter how upbeat it sounds, the lyrics can just make me burst out in tears. we play music all day and so i hear the same songs over and over. it's torture to me and i wish they'd turn it down or off lol but that won't happen.

have you just felt too many feels and have uncontrollably cried before? how do you stop this craziness? i feel so down and stressed out lately that nothing has been working so far and all i can focus on is the problems.

i guess this is a silly thing to seek advice for :/ but i'm truly at a loss. i can't let this cost me my job and i need to be able to pull it together there. today was especially embarrassing because i had to walk past all the guests with my face in my hands just sobbing loudly. this sucks T__T

As someone who has been through this before, my only advice for you is to seek out therapy ASAP. Not only do you seem to have a lot of stuff that you would benefit from talking about with a professional (friends and family aren't always enough, I'm afraid) but uncontrollably crying may be a sign of an obvious depression.

Just to be safe, you should also check in with a doctor. Although all this crying seems to be entirely for emotional reasons, you could have a non-neurological condition like hormonal problems or something like that.

Either way, and while there's nothing wrong with crying to let stuff out, if it has gotten to the point where it could cost you your job because of how often it happens and how hard it is to control, it's definitely not healthy and you should seek out help to understand it and fix it.

Not doing anything will just aggravate the problem because the crying stresses you out and the more stressed out you are the more you'll cry. It's a cycle.

Get some help, and good luck. Things will be ok again ~

thanks for the response! <3 yeah, i'm trying to find a therapist. i've really benefited from it in the past. i was diagnosed with depression when i was 12 or somewhere around there. i'd say 80-90% of my depression is environmental and that if i were out of the situation i've been stuck in, i'd be pretty normal/better off. if i were taken off antidepressants (not likely), i'd still need medication for bipolar disorder and anxiety. but knowing it's more environmental is a bit of a relief to me. yes, crying at work upsets me even more when i can't stop, making me cry more! -___- i'm stuck somewhere between being so upset but also pissed at myself. D;

if there are things that help comfort you when your sad, i would definitely suggest gathering a small box of those things and taking it to work with you in the meantime! something that could easily be put under a desk or shelf - and if you're afraid about something with sentimental value causing more crying, maybe you could get a puzzle or something that you can easily immerse yourself in for a short period of time. i know with my depression and with most other people with depression i know, having a good distraction can mean everything.

i hope you feel better!!! it's good that you're asking for help and advice. i wish there was more i could do for you. ❤️

thank you for the tips. <3 i do wish i had a spare moment to do something like that. i just can't though :/ gotta always be on my feet and be everywhere at once -__- stressful and irritating when you constantly have people blaming you/questioning you for things you didn't do (servers). Much as I like them, they piss me off in that aspect.

As an update: I've gotten some of my anxiety medication. The best way I can describe it is numbing. The problem is though that I take one every couple hours. Whenever I start to feel like I might start... feeling. Any kind of feeling. I so much prefer the numb state. I get home and take a couple and just get mellow and eventually accidentally fall asleep. It feels so much better. But I'm not handling my emotions by blocking them. And this is why I run out of them so quickly. I don't get any kind of buzz or high from my Ativan. But I like that it just numbs my feelings. I'm taking a couple as I type this. I wish I was stronger than this. To face my problems without this. My emotions are so intense though. I hate it -___-

i'd be careful about numbing yourself too much. i personally haven't have a good experience. apparently that was how i went about dealing with a lot of my problems as a younger teenager and now it's a subconscious defense mechanism for me. it causes a lot of emotions to build up while i don't even know i have them.

of course, you could be different! there always has to be a balance. i'd really suggest taking this time of having the medication as an opportunity to really analyze yourself and figure out some coping skills to use. i really don't mean to be a downer but i just know how it feels, kind of?? it mostly hurts me because i'm hardly properly stressed for schoolwork, and so i don't see it as a big deal, don't work on it, and then panic at the last minute. and i really don't want that sort of thing to happen to anyone else.

you can definitely handle this, though!!! you're already working hard at so many things. you've definitely got the drive, and you're 110% tough enough to fix all these problems.