She died on Friday morning, I just found out yesterday. She was very dear to me, to a lot of people, but I had trouble keeping contact. I am not a horribly social person, so I don't talk to most of the people I know on a daily basis, and I haven't been very well lately which makes it even harder. I probably wasn't as good of a friend as I should have been. She was vibrant, a redheaded ball of sunshine and freckles. She made everybody laugh. On the surface she was always happy. Inside her world was very dark, she had been in pain for a long time, longer than I knew her. I have suffered from depression in my life so when she told me that she wanted very badly to die I didn't offer her the lines that most people use, I told her that I liked having her here, that I would miss her, but that I understood what it's like to feel alone in the dark and the empty hurting inside, and if she couldn't go on anymore, I would understand why. She was doing everything she could to hold on, she quit her job and left school so she could focus only on herself. She was loved by many, many people, and she knew it, but sometimes there's not enough love in the universe to beat back the darkness. I wanted to tell you about her because I want to put something into the world for her. I want to tell somebody how amazing she was, and how much I'm going to miss her. So, thanks for reading.

I am so very sorry for your loss -hugs- I hope your friend has found peace she deserves and the same to you and the rest of her family.. If you need someone to talk to, please know my inbox is always open and I respond as soon as I can.

Thank you very much. I like to think that wherever she went it was where she wanted to go.

You're welcome. I'm by no means religious but I do believe in a better place and I'm sure she is there now and she isn't suffering anymore. Depression sucks. Plain and simple

It does. It really, really does. I feel like I should blame myself for telling her I would understand if she couldn't go on. But when I was hurting every time someone would say something like "it'll get better" or "just try and be happy" it was like they were telling me that my pain wasn't real or my desire to get away from it didn't matter. I didn't want her to feel that.

Don't blame yourself. She went on for as long as she could. I always get pissed off when someone says, "It will get better" or "just try to be happy". It's like, "Bitch, if it was that easy, I wouldn't have suffered for so long before finding the proper treatment for me."

A lot of people seem to dismiss depression and just sadness because it's easier to blame the sufferer than to try and help.

A lot of mental diseases are like that, esp drug abuse. It's like blaming a person with cancer for developing cancer cells

People do that too. When people find out my dad had cancer they immediately assume he was a smoker or something to cause it. As if just about EVERYTHING didn't cause cancer. Apparently hot dogs now cause cancer.

I suffer from depression too, but thankfully it's never gotten bad enough where I've thought about harming or killing myself. Honestly, I'm far too much of a wuss with pain to do anything like that. I really feel for you. I had a cousin kill himself and we weren't close but still. It hurt just the same. I can only imagine how it would feel if you really knew and cared for the person. You can't blame yourself though. Some people just hurt so much that nothing will get through to them. I hope you know it's not your fault and that you feel better about it soon.

Yeah. Lung cancer is far more common than Breast Cancer but you never hear,"Save the lungs". You can get lung cancer from any thing, just like regular cancer.

Thanks very much, I hope that you never feel that much darkness, it's a hard way to live

Maybe we should start a "Save the Lungs!" campaign, haha

I could get behind that. But how about, "Save All the Organs!" since my uncle died from Bladder Cancer and I have a yellow ribbon tattooed on my back lol

"All organs are important"

"All Organs Matter"

That does flow much better

I think so too. But rather than saying "Save the Organs", lets just say "Save the Person!"

I'm trying to come up with some kind of slogan about that person being more than the sum of the parts, but nothing is coming to me

It will come to you. I'll think about it too

Let me know if you think up something good