My friend moved in sometime in May or June. The agreement we had hasn't really been stuck to. I'm trying to encourage her to help more, but things haven't been working so well. I think I need a new/better rental agreement and established rules and household chores..

Any suggestions? Ping?

Can you talk to her and let her know you'd like to stick to the rules? Maybe you can sit down with her and write down an agreement about who will do what around the house.

a new rental agreement isn't going to change anything if the rules aren't enforced. i know it's hard to be that way with friends, but you gotta do what you gotta do. she can't be lazy or refuse to clean her messes up or anything like that. just tell her she can't be making a mess of your house and she needs to stick to the rules or she's out.

Did you know your friend well before you moved in together? What is the current agreement?

Here's the deal with the friend: I have known her for years. She does have some pretty severe mental health issues. She has tried holding a job a couple of times, but has been fired and just can't handle it, mentally or physically right now. About two years ago, she moved in with her abusive mother. Her mother claimed she had applied for disability, for my friend, but I doubted it. Finally, in May or so, I applied for my friend, since no progress was being made. Her mom found out and flipped out, telling her not to come back home, since she was here visiting us at the time. After that, she sort of just didn't leave. We agreed that in a few months, she would be on disability sub[/sub] and that she would be paying her share of rent and utilities. In the mean time, she did apply and was approved for some minimal general government aid of some form and food stamps [sub](or what ever they're called now days)[/sub]. It isn't a LOT each month, but it is something. She makes enough to at least pay her utilities, but we still haven't seen the full amount she owes us and we only just started charging her for utilities and the things we bought for her pets in August.

I'm not going to charge her from months before, but I guess I was hoping to get some advice on how to create a new, written, improved rental agreement as well as if and when a dead line should occur. This roommate business is really new to me and I'm not completely sure what a fair roommate rental agreement looks like under our circumstances, I suppose. Sorry if I seem a bit stupid, but this whole deal has me pretty anxious and I'm sort of a mess, myself, right now. d: Hope you can understand.

I do agree though, I am going to need to put my foot down, despite the difficulty. ♥ Thank you guys.

Ugh that sucks I'm so sorry :( And totally not stupid. I would be an angsty mess if I were in your shoes. It's a really difficult place to be.

I think, in terms of what is fair, if she isn't able to provide financially at this point, then perhaps chores and etc are probably a good partial solution. A contract would probably look something like: -She needs to be able to pay for her utilities and pet living expenses as well as clean after herself and her pets -She needs to be actively searching for a job or holding one (if she's actively searching, it's probably good to ask for daily updates or etc) -She needs to do a certain amount of the chores to make up for the lack of rent (cooking, dishes, cleaning, etc). (You'll also want to state repercussions of not meeting the requirements even though it may sound awful).

If her mental health issues are impairing her work it's probably a good idea to make sure that she somehow gets therapy/medication. You may want to enforce it as a "getting help is included as a chore to pay rent" sort of dealio because if she's feeling better things will go a lot smoother in general and also I'm sure you want her to get the help she needs too :) Keep in mind that medication can take up to a month to take effect and some medications don't really work on certain people. Generally a psych recommends trying one for about 3 months before switching to something else. I know that depression medication (setraline and buproprion specifically) costs like... maybe 15 for a 1-2 month supply so really the only cost is the initial diagnosis and physician care.

If you're strapped for cash then obviously the deadline will have to be sooner than later. And it also depends on how sick of her you are. If she's pleasant to be around and is definitely trying her best, I would give her from 6 months to a 1 year to get her up and going. And then re-evaluate after a year. If you can't really handle the situation anymore then 3-6 months is good.

Good luck!! It's going to be hard to put your foot down and it's going to be hard to say and to hear but be strong!

I think has given some great ideas and I don't really have anything extra to add. I hope your friend will be receptive to the agreement, it sounds like a good compromise in the circumstances. Good luck! And stay strong; don't be afraid of enforcing the agreement if things start to slide.

and Thanks guys. ♥

When negotiating anything it’s a good start to repeat the other person’s position until you both agree that you’ve summarized it well. Then they should do the same for you. Next outline what you both wish to accomplish and what will be satisfactory. Confirm an “if, then” scenario. “If I see the trash is full, then I will take it out.” Ask, can you agree to that? If it is very clear what is expected of her and she agrees to these arrangements it is difficult for her to defend her breaking of agreements.

Roommate issues can be tricky. Communication is key to reaching a resolution.

Best luck!

Those are great suggestions. o: Thank you so much! ♥