So my boyfriend finally put together my shelf, which means everything I've had in a suitcase for over a year, can finally be put into this shelf. Which is great, I can finally showcase my prized possessions.

I suddenly don't feel like doing it anymore..

I found the yearbook from my elementary school, this is something I totally forgot existed. A part of my life I actually successfully blocked out until about recently.

In this yearbook I found almost everyone who wrote in it, wrote something malicious. Atleast 3 people wrote "Good luck in Highschool you'll need it" and one person even wrote "NO" and took up an entire page. I'm guessing that's their way of saying they didn't want to sign it.

But that's insane..

So now I have all these memories from my childhood. Where I was beaten within inches of my sanity on a weekly basis. I even asked my mom about it, she said I came home with bruises all over my body and face.

I was even bullied by teachers, I was hit with meter sticks and locked in empty rooms for the entire school day. I came home with writing on my arms because they left me with nothing but a pain. I lined my entire body in suicide notes.

It's a wonder I came out of elementary school with Bipolar behaviors and tried to commit suicide numerous times. All of which I've had under control for years now.

I actually hadn't remembered any of this, until I found that fucking yearbook.

I also found my grade 9 yearbook when I actually got into highschool. Theres 3 poems published in it by me, 2 of which are about suicide.

I just don't even understand...

Should I throw out this year book or should I be keeping it because 'it's a part of my life'?

I really don't know what to do.

Ouch, babe :c I'm sorry. I think that's a choice you're going to have to make for yourself. You can look at it as either something you got over, and therefore can look back on with strength, or something that hurt you, and you should throw it out or else it may keep hurting you.

If you have a therapist, I would talk to them about it. That's a hard choice, and I'm sorry all of that happened to you x(

Personally, I would throw it out. You can keep it as a reminder of the things you've overcome, but when you look at it those things are likely still going to hurt a bit or just bring up painful memories. It's better to have something positive to remind you of what you've overcome, like a trophy.. not something full of hurtful/hateful memories.

I would throw it away, personally. Or tear it apart first then throw it away. Even if was a part of your life, it obviously was a torturous part, and not something you should hold on to.

God. I know that feeling of finding something filled with horrible memories you had blacked out, and going through the debate on 'do I throw this out, or do I keep it'. A few years back I moved and when I unpacked everything I found diaries and notebooks filled with thoughts and running commentary about a really shitty period of time. I started to read through it and I remember just getting so ill I ended up closing it up. I tossed it all. I don't know if this is healthy, or not, but that's what I did. All I can tell you are my opinions on the subject.

To me, keeping something that just radiates malicious energy and is a blaring symbol of everything that caused you harm at a certain point in your life is nothing more than self punishment. Maybe by keeping it around you're 'facing it' but to be honest, I think you already faced it once. Maybe you have to come to 'terms' with it but I just don't see how coming to terms with something is equal to holding onto something cancerous. And that to me is what that is.

Its defiantly a hard choice to throw something like that away even if it was a horrible part of your life. I went through the same thing in elementary and I was even told it was my fault it all happened because I wasn't social enough and that why the other kids tormented me. Personally I took my yearbook and all my other elementary school stuff and had a bonfire party on the beach. We burned it all and the night went so well it was kinda a new beginning of me to see how much I've changed and grown from it. So my advice is to throw it away but do it in a creative manner.

Yikes, and I thought my school years were horrid. :( I wouldn't just throw it out, I'd burn it. Memories like that aren't needed in life, not if they make you feel awful.

It obviously doesn't have any good memories associated with it. Why would you keep it? Lots of things are part of your life, like the burrito wrapper from last night, but you don't keep those, do you? Some things need to be thrown out. Like smelly burrito wrappers and old yearbooks.

Don't forget to recycle!

Yea, I don't go to therapy, I did shortly after elementary then they put me on some serious stuff that actually ended up making me worse =x

Yea, that's what I was thinking

Totally my thoughts :(

It really is a plague, I was thinking of keeping it because It's the oldest memories I have of myself, but it's not worth the pain it causes me

ooo a funeral pyre, I like that idea.

Burning it sounds like a great idea xD

If it were me, I would keep the actual book, but rip out the autograph sections, and probably rip them up/burn them.

i would throw it out, i personally wouldn't want a reminder of something so.. terrifying. plus, you've gotten over it i'm sure and you don't wanna be put back into that position again or have those same feelings.

That's a good question. You won over elementary school. You win. I think that the question is, do you want a trophy, or do you want to be done with it? At least that's how I think about it. I could be overly optimistic. :c

i would keep it. just to look back on, hey, i've been through this. but look where i stand in life now, i'm much stronger. kind of as a reward to yourself to see how much you've grown as a person.