Edit: I've decided not to break up with my bf. He's been so wonderful the last week and has admitted he loves me! We talked a long time, and he has started to put in so much effort in fixing the relationship. With some work, I can see a wonderful future with him.

Thank you for the advice everyone!

(Outdated post below)

This is really weighing on me. He's my first bf, but I'm not sure if I'm happy with him anymore.

I love him, but I don't feel like he loves me. He's never says he loves me. He doesn't seem to understand how much emotional trauma living with my mom puts me through. Despite knowing about this for almost a year, he refuses to let me live with him. He knows no other friends can let me stay with them.

He gets frustrated when I cry. He can't handle my unbalanced moods and depression. He thinks texting 2 times a week is texting "all the time" and says this in a negative way. He doesn't seem to put in effort to see me... It's always me that has to ask to spend time with him. I also always have to ask to kiss him. He also acts weird if I try to hold his hand in public. He complains when I ask for food sometimes, stating he doesn't have much to eat.

He broke up with me once already... through text. I don't why we got back together. I kind of regret it now.

He's been away for about 2 months now. Since he's been gone, I've started to fall for other guys. I just feel like they care more about me than my bf.

I feel like he doesn't want me around and my love is one sided. He a really nice guy though. When he's there for me, he really puts in 100%. It's going to break my heart if I do break up, but I don't want him restricting my love anymore. Do you think it's better to break up with him or talk to him and repair the relationship?

It sounds like you have absolutely no reason to stay in a relationship with him. I mean, you can try talking to him about why he behaves like this with you and find out if he wants to try to fix it, but it seems like a miserable relationship imo.

nDump him. I get how you feel about the nice guy angle - my first boyfriend was like that, and it was a bit painful breaking up with him. Breaking up with your guy is going to hurt too, no doubt, but trust me, a guy like you're describing isn't worth it if he only gives you his all on occasion and gets weird when you act affectionate. You'll feel loads better when your free of him.

You deserve better. Period.

I agree with everyone else here. Your bf kind of sounds like my ex, who was also my first bf at the time. He ended up being the one breaking up with me, and I too was really upset when it happened. But given time to cope, once you realize that you don't have to put up with that negativity anymore, you will feel so free. In my case, I ended up getting another boyfriend who treats me so much better, and I can bet that the same would happen to you :)

You deserve someone that treats you better. Not to mention, you said that you sort of regret getting back together with him now. I think you already know what you want. I know it isn't easy to do, but I can guarantee that you will feel much better once you've had some time to get over it. Good luck!

There will be better people. Someone who genuinely cares about you will want to talk more than twice a week, and want to be around you. They won't care if you cry, and they'll try to help you out as much as they can.

Moving on isn't easy, but in the long run you will feel great about yourself and things will definitely get better. :)

- Thank you for the responses. I agree with all of you, but there's a part of me that wants to fix the relationship. There's something about my bf that I see that others can't. It's a strong, unexplainable connection, and it makes me feel like he's the right guy for me.

I think if I can talk to my bf and tell him how I feel about the relationship, he might listen. I've never had the courage to tell him how I feel, because I get scared of him stressing out. I know beneath his cold, tough exterior, he has a heart of gold and cares about me. I don't want to leave him without giving him chance to explain his behaviors. Is there a way I can confront him without being hostile?

I wish you luck in talking to him, but also warn you - judging a person by what you think you know about them rather than their actions can lead to disaster. Try to walk into this without a romanticized perspective, and be wary of him possibly trying to make out that you are in the wrong rather than him. That said, I think it's good that you are going to tell him how you feel and see if he's able to change his behavior. Please don't think that I'm trying to discourage you from trying to fix things, just that I'm hoping you do this with a clear head.

As for how to talk to him... There's nothing hostile about telling him straight out - tell him you guys need to talk, that you're unhappy with his treatment of you, if there's a reason why he's acting like this, and if he wants to fix it. Approaching someone who's treating you poorly is NOT attacking them or being hostile, it's taking care of yourself and finding out if it's a relationship worth keeping.

Just open up to him and say something like, if we don't work on things, we won't work out. It takes 2 to work together and compromise for a good relationship. Maybe take like 1 day a week and talk about things (that's kinda what me and my bf do) that's bothering you and vent it all out. It can help tons.!

- Thank you. This makes me feel better knowing I can tell him how I feel without being hostile. I'll try to remember to talk to him when I have a clear head.

I still have to wait 2 weeks until he's back in the country. I'm going to gather all of my courage before then so I can be ready to talk.

Just keep calm and collected and be sure to say what's on your mind and what you're feeling.

Best of luck to you :)

You don't seem happy with him, so I think you should do what makes you happy, which in this case seems like breaking up will do that. I do think you should talk with him about these feelings you're having about how he treats you, so that at least he'll know what went wrong, or maybe try to improve, but ultimately if he's not making you happy and if he's not putting enough (or any) effort in the relationship like you are, then you need to break up. You should be happy and from what you tell us he's not being a good boyfriend to you. It's pretty much a one-sided crush at this point. I know you're a strong woman and you can move on, so I think the smartest decision would be to end it with him.

I know it's hard letting go of your first boyfriend (heck I've been with mine for almost 9 years), but in some cases you need to end it. I'm happy with my boyfriend and we love each other very much and are living together and our life is moving forward together, but it just seems like your life can't move forward while you're with him. And I'm sorry, if he didn't have the balls to break up with you the first time in person then he's not the best option for a boyfriend. I think if you break up with him in person it'll stick this time around.

I don't intend to upset you, so I'm sorry if you get sad from reading my post, but that's the honest truth. I don't know him so who knows maybe talking with him will help fix some things, but ultimately you deserve to be happy, so follow the path that makes you happy.

- I appreciate the brutal honesty, and I understand what you're saying. I do feel like he's not making me happy and holding me back. I think it's so hard to let go, because he is my first bf. I really want things to work out between us. I also feel bad for him, because he doesn't have any other friends he normally hangs out with. I don't want to leave him alone in the world.

How he reacts to my feelings and if he's willing to change certain behaviors will determine whether I want to stay with him or not. I want to give him a chance.

I understand that you feel for him, but you need to take care of yourself and he needs to take care of himself. If he doesn't have friends other than you then it really isn't your problem. You can try to remain his friend after you break up but it just seems like he's holding you back. In this situation it's perfectly okay to be selfish and think about what makes you happy. Of course you should talk with him first let him know how you feel and hopefully he'll change his ways just a bit because it just seems like he takes you for granted. I hope everything works out the way you want. ^-^

Hello, lovely. Honestly, I think it's time you take better care of yourself. Putting yourself first isn't selfish or wrong, it's healthy. You're the only one obligated to do it. If he doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, then he isn't worth your time. You should never be in a relationship that you constantly have to question. ...He broke up with you through text?! No, no, no. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up and maturing to do. I say you should leave him, take care of yourself, and maybe then you could start looking for someone who truly RESPECTS you and understands your needs and feelings. You deserve it. <3

- One of my biggest weaknesses is being too nice. I tend to sacrifice myself and forget to take care of myself.

It's nice to hear that I can be selfish for the sake of my health and well being. I'm trying to put my needs first, but it's hard when I have such a negative view of being selfish.

There are a lot of misconceptions about being selfish, but ultimately you're the most important person in your life. I know you are a caring person and you should care about others, but your needs should come first. If you don't take care of yourself first then you can't take care of anyone else.

Sometimes I need to remind myself to treat myself like I would want others to treat me. I also have a habit of being too nice and making excuses for others, but really, your happiness is more important. If you're not certain what you want to do, you could take a break with him, and see how you feel. See if the space makes you feel more positive or negative. See if he tries to talk to you and treat you better.

I'm not sure if you've already found an answer to your question. and I am unsure of how old you are but honestly it sounds like you need to focus on yourself and let him go. my boyfriend acted like that for awhile and it was because the two of didn't know ourselves enough to be there for eachother. we stayed together and we are slightly better now, but not much. we still fight all the time you've really just gotta let go and keep on keepin' on.