My boyfriend is addicted to the internet and porn. It's something he constantly needs and wants to do/look at. He's on the computer several hours a day and when he's not on it, he's thinking about it and talking about it. He looks at porn every time he gets on it. When he used to have a laptop, he would wanna look at it while we were having sex, and not always together either. He'd want to watch the porn on the computer while I pleased him, leaving him to pay no attention to me whatsoever. Fortunately he hasn't done that in a year. He would also constantly take the laptop to the bathroom with him to look at porn. He'd go to the bathroom to "pee" and end up being in there for an hour. He would look at it almost every time I left the room. If he wasn't able to look at it on his laptop, he'd use the xbox. Now that his laptop is broken, he looks at it on his parents computer. I recently started using a program that can block sites and keywords and stuff, so I blocked pornography from the computer but I'm sure he still finds a way to look at it. I'm just tired of it ruining our sex life and I'm tired of feeling like he would rather look at and get off to virtual women than have a sex life with his real girlfriend, of which we have less than once a week. Something that might factor into his addiction is his adhd, which he isn't taking his medicine for. I just don't know how to help him get over the addiction when he has been this way for years and years.

Have you tried talking to him about it?

I think in many cases people call something porn addiction when all someone is doing is looking at porn a few times a week. This certainly doesn't sound like one of those cases. You should probably have a real talk and maybe suggest counseling.

I would first talk with him about it, show him how it is hurting you and also try to take an interest in it yourself. Make it something you two can do together to enhance your romantic life rather than get in between it. Maybe if you showed some interest in his interests, he might himself regulate his usage to when he's with you. And then you could try to get him reciprocate and do something you like to do with you.

My best friend's boyfriend is into it, but she's taken some interest in it, so he's able to spend time with her while doing something they (now) both like.

But definitely let him know that it is hurting you that he is enjoying it more than being with you.

my hubby was like this except he'd wait until I was asleep to do it. after he had all day and me attempting to be with him and shrug it off he'd go looking at it for hours one end.

I'd thought he had quit because he saw how rejected it made me feel by him.

When I saw he hadn't stopped but rather started sneaking I knew we had an issue.

my issue wasn't the porn itself but rather the rejection he made me feel. I feel porn is a per couple thing, you guys set your own rules of what's ok and not and work it from there. Some couples even start with no porn and then work it in as a mutual thing.

But with some it's dangerous to relationships no matter what. Learning that is a trick but with your guy I say lay it out in how he makes you feel rejected and also "out" him to his parents. If he's using it with a trust factor then he's broken it and he needs to know how his constant "need" for it is killing what you guys have.

we've talked about it on multiple occasions. it changes nothing even though he says he's "trying" to change it. he likes to say that he can't control it, but i really beg to differ. if he has a hard time controlling motions of his fingers on the keyboard, he has a big problem.

i've suggested counseling and he refuses to go because he doesn't want to share his personal life with strangers, even though he's perfectly fine sharing it with strangers on facebook.

i've talked to him about what it does to me and our relationship, and i've tried taking an interest in it, but all that does is lead to him wanting it every time we're intimate with each other, and him talking about doing that stuff in real life (ie threesomes).

oh he would do it after i went to sleep too, with an excuse that he was staying up to do "homework." i'd hate to out him to his parents, i mean he's a 20 year old man, which is why i find it disrespectful for him to be looking up that kind of stuff on THEIR computer so i started using a program to block pornography sites. i agree with you that it isn't the porn, it's how often he does it and the fact that our sex life is nothing because of it. and not only that, but also the internet usage. he can't even stay off the internet on holidays for god's sake. he spent 8 hours on the computer today, and that's usually the average for him every day. how much time did he spend with me? maybe 30 minutes. how much time did he spend with his family? none. it's just sad.

in that case, he would probably need professional help. He's addicted and it's getting in the way of him living his life and having relationships. He may need to go to rehab for porn, and I'm entirely serious with this.

At this point, if it is so difficult for him to reduce/stop it for you or on his own will, then I would suggest breaking up with him. You're unhappy and it seems like he's not putting any effort into your real life relationship. I know that breaking up with him will probably make you more unhappy than you are, but you will be able to move on and find happiness with someone who is more interested in what he has in person than what he has on a screen. You may need to give him that ultimatum, "it's me or porn" I know it might hurt if he picks porn over you, but if he's not even willing to give getting professional help a shot to save your relationship then is he really worth it?

Edit: Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear, but you should be happy and based on what I know from this thread alone, you're not getting it from him.

i never really thought about giving him that ultimatum. i know when i've said similar things in the past, he responds with him being an adult and being allowed to do whatever he wants and not being controlled by me etc etc.

it's not about you controlling him, it's about you taking control of your own life. You're in the relationship as much as he is and relationships are all about give and take and it just seems like that's not even something that happens in your relationship. From all I know about this relationship, he's not even in it, it's all casual. He has a real person to have sex with but it doesn't even matter to him because all he cares about is women and relationships that aren't even realistic.

If he is not willing to overlook porn for a real person then he doesn't even deserve to be in a relationship. And I know you can find happiness with someone who actually cares about you.

Edit: There is nothing adult or mature about choosing porn over the real thing. Sure, he can do whatever he wants, but if this is interfering with his life in this way then it's not him being an adult, it's him being immature.

we've talked about it and he says he's gonna change and that our sex life will get better but yet i find him on the computer today looking at nasty stuff on facebook. and you know the funny part? he gets mad when i look at it and tells me i'm not allowed to. so according to him, he's allowed look at it all he wants and daydream about being with other women but i'm forbidden from doing it. makes a lot of sense huh?

He definitely has some deep-rooted issues for holding you to that kind of a double-standard. Hopefully the more you talk things through the better things between you two will get.

All in all, I hope you're able to figure things out and find the happiness you deserve.

As tedious as this sounds start a log of how often he goes to porn and images over you. like if you see him go for it 20 times and only you once then show him this log. Sometimes people don't know HOW bad it's gotten until they see some black and white stats on it. most people will shift it to flip to more human and less images if they care about their partner.

Also yuck on that I can you can't double standard. He'd be unhappy if you made a standard of "Only I can have cheeseburgers and you can't ever" to him so it's unfair he does it to you flat out. Maybe the resolve will be for him to eliminate porn for awhile and then you two as a couple do it together or set limits on how often you may look at sites alone in a day. either something gets resolved or I'd say start relooking at your relationship.

You need to maybe examine the type of porn that he's watching, then maybe you could have a talk about fantasies and his desires. See if spicing it up a little bit works better for you both. Try different things too. I know some people who have similar problems, and with a lot of support and understanding from their partners, the problem has become less. It is horrible for you though, and I know how you feel about it too. My boyfriend doesn't really watch porn. But sometimes when I go down on him, he'll get a text and answer it, and I just find it really really rude. I've told him about it though, and he's stopped doing it as much, but it's just really inconsiderate when someone is doing that, and you can't pay them the courtesy of your attention. With a little talk, and looking into new roles or fantasies, you may be able to stop the problem altogether.

It's so hard to support him instead of just getting mad at him though. :/

I know how you feel, and if you want to comment me to talk further, then I'd like that. Hopefully the problem will be fixed soon, and it'll make everyone happier

I had an ex who had some similarities. He would watch porn every day for a few hours. It made my self esteem drop so much, and I felt like I was competing with the porn for his attention. It was really very awful. I ended up breaking up with him, not just because of the porn but other factors.

I am glad you spoke to your bf, I hope the situation improves.

Thank you so much for the positive words, it really helps. Though we've talked about it and he's working on the situation, we're not having sex any more often than we were but he is watching porn less. We also implemented "internet-free Mondays" which has helped a little bit. Today is the first Monday we have skipped.

I have never been in this situation, but I definitely feel for you. I, myself, have never been too interested in porn so I can't speak for him, but I do know that his addiction (much like any other drug addiction) has nothing to do with you. It is quite disturbing when someone crosses the line into not enjoying real, natural women and real sex in favor of porn and women who are unnaturally aesthetically enhanced. Have you searched any information on porn addiction? It may help you to possibly find a support group, or even to encourage him to find a support group. I know I'm being vague but I have heard quite a few times that internet porn is bad for the brain, easily becomes an addiction, there's a thing called nofap. I'm not going to tell you whether you should stay or leave, but no matter what it is important to separate yourself from what is going on with him and understand it's not something wrong with you.

The only other advice I can think of that has personally helped me in understanding my partners and friends, is to feel my anger, stress, and sadness, but don't let it come out impulsively. This takes practice, and remember you still need to FEEL however you want about the situation. The way you feel about something is never wrong, but to get the best results, you will want to treat him in an understanding way and not lash out. I know its hard, its something I have had to practice myself but it has made my life much better in general.

the thing is because your boyfriend has been so addicted to porn, his interpretation of sex is probably now porn so no matter how hard he tries, sex at the moment will never be able to measure up to watching porn for him which is not your fault at all, he has just let it get out of control

i recommend you suggest he gets a hobby to keep himself off the internet and occupied to prevent him finding his way to porn sites and constantly thinking about it then maybe when you are having sex, he will find it more enjoyable and would rather have sex with his girlfriend instead of turning to the internet

i really hope things get better for you sweetie

To be perfectly blunt: I would dump him.