First of all hun, never feel like you are a waste of spacel

The reason why he is so patient is most likely because you're secretly awesome and he realized it before you did. Don't think you're trash. Everyone completes their tasks at their own pace and I'm sure you'll notice it if they are unsatisfied. If you think you can do better just try and do what feels best!

The wi-fi issues sound rather annoying. Have you told anyone that you're having issues? Do you know why the wi-fi is problematic in your apartment?

And more importantly: another reminder you deserve to be around <3

Don't say that! He obviously knows that you're working hard and trying! Maybe try going to a local bookstore/coffee shop to change the atmosphere and use their internet? If you have time, I would definitely try to do something you enjoy doing (writing, spontaneous road trip, ect) and have some time for yourself and not think about work c:

Just know that you can always send me a comment/smail and I'll be here to listen/talk c: I'm super glad I met you here ❤️❤️❤️

oh man i rly know the feeling about work right now i'm pretty sure my boss is working to push me out >.>

that said, just take a deep breath! it only gets harder when you work yourself up too much! read something relaxing or put some music on to help calm you it'll help so much! you can't do much about how the ppl around you react, but you can do your best to control what's happening on your end. keep doing your best and breathe! hugs

(venting like this does help tho ;) )

Thank you so much... I'm just panicking a bit, I feel so incompetent :(

He popped online briefly and assisted me a bit with setting some stuff up, and in that time I ran into like 2 errors but he helped me fix them. Then he left. And holy shit. I just ran into another error, and- this is almost hilarious actually- this error triggered another error, which triggered another error. Domino chains of 3 errors are kinda rare... but yeah good luck to me trying to fix this :(

I've complained to my bf about the wifi, and we also complained to time warner cable who we buy internet from. But the thing is, it's not their problem... The ethernet works fine for instance. We think we have a bad router. So I keep asking my bf if we can just buy a new router, cuz this is driving me crazy... He doesn't seem to care as much as me, which makes sense, he's not the one who works from home and DEPENDS on the wifi to make money. But I wish he would take it with more urgency cuz it's really urgent and frustrating to me, I mean this affects my ability to do my job.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time! I can definitely relate to getting overwhelmed and feeling like a waste but it will pass! Just like Yuki & Lisa said, your boss probably sees potential that you're just not feeling right now! Dont be scared, if anything maybe you could talk to your boss about how you're feeling?

As for the router, you should definitely make it a priority to buy one. Your boyfriend should care about your needs as well and if it's a matter of your job, your income, it's DEFINITELY a priority!! Plus a better connection will relieve some stress and help you get work done more quickly!

And this may be something you're already on top of, but I do see a lot of groups on reddit that help each other in the world of coding.. have you tried to reach out for some help online?

Lol it's funny that you mention... I actually post a lot on those reddits, but to answer questions, not ask them. I have found that those are generally better for more basic questions, not for the extremely obscure things I am always unluckily running into... I posted a question there once and got completely ignored lol. The nice thing, though, is that googling error messages usually gets some useful results. And there is always stackoverflow if I'm really stuck, though I haven't had a ton of luck with asking questions on there either actually...

I did manage to talk to my boss some... He's so overwhelmingly nice to me about it all, I can't understand it. I managed to get my current thing set up and working, which is awesome... But damn, now I need to actually do some work, something productive, and I have a headache >< I wish i didn't complain so much... working is just so hard for me, for some reason, and I don't really understand why.

Further I'm a little scared because I have a meeting with him scheduled for 1 PM tomorrow, and it's 2:50 AM now, I'm a bit nocturnal at the moment, but I really want to be awake for the meeting with him. I feel like it's too late to do anything now other than drink coffee and hope for the best.

wow, I'm sorry it's so difficult to get some help >.< What is it you do exactly? Sounds pretty complex! But good you got things up and running!

And it sounds like you have a really good boss. If you were as poor at your job as you seem to think you are he wouldn't able to afford to be so nice/patient. I'm sure it's getting blown a bit out of proportion in your head, you did get it working without his help now after all. :)

I seriously relate to you on this stuff, I get to feeling the same way too often. Especially with complaining and struggling with sleep balance >.< I suffer pretty badly with anxiety/depression and it sounds like maybe you do a bit too? (Feel free to PM me at any point if you'd prefer to talk more privately - we just have such a lovely group here I dont mind opening up a bit :) )

Take some Advil and decide if you wanna get some quality sleep or not! You've still got plenty of time for a decent nights sleep! If not make a pot of coffee and try to get some more work done, that could help you feel a little less overwhelmed. And I'll be around throughout the night as I'm a quite nocturnal myself lately ;)

Yeah... I made coffee and I did manage to get some work done. I should continue, but... i don't know if my mind can handle it. I'll try my best. I'm also cold and I keep sneezing but the heat is on as high as we're allowed to have it... I should wrap myself in a blanket maybe. I don't know, why do I always feel terrible :(

I really appreciate everything you've said, and just you being here. Thank you so much for being here for me! It's true, I do have some problems with depression and anxiety, but I'm doing my best... Things were much worse in the past. I just need to keep going...

I'm a web developer, full stack, right now we're just working on a huge project template that integrates dozens of services that can be turned on or off as needed... It's a lot of boilerplate and just frustrating to work with ><

sounds like a nightmare! I'm rats at coding to begin with (even the basics) so it sounds like a massive mess when I try to imagine it!

Good you got some work done, maybe take a break and do something you enjoy? Or watch an episode of your favorite TV show for a break? I watch The Office when I'm feeling down and it's always a good laugh :)

And of course! Like I said you can comment or pm me whenever! Happy to talk through this sort of thing because it's something I struggle with a lot as well. I get there too, feeling terrible, and I wish there was some super awesome philosophical answer I could blab out but I haven't quite figured it out myself. I just try to remember that the feelings come and go. Try to remember that now matter how awful or overwhelmed or anxious you're feeling right now, it's going to pass and you'll feel better.

Take care of what you can right now, whatever is in your control, and try really hard not to worry about the rest! And dont drink too much coffee! That can totally jack with your anxiety O.O My psych curbed my caffeine intake massively when I started seeing her because of it!

Welcome to the group!!

Oh no, Bug, don't panic! You'll be okay, I'm sure of it. :) And you ARE valuable as a human being. Your a great person, and I'm sure your work is better than you think it is! You just have to trust yourself and go for it!

As for the wifi... You've tried in a few different places? I know in our apartment, my husband has had to add cooling to our wifi itself, then he's added connection points in a couple of places, because just one cement wall is enough to block the connection. Can you move to a spot with better wifi? Worst case scenario, have you ever tried doing your coding from a coffeeshop? They often have great wifi, plus a nice herbal tea or hot chocolate might be soothing and calming... In that context, like someone else said, don't drink TOO much coffee! Hot chocolate has less caffeine, and many kinds of tea have little or no caffeine, so they might be better for keeping calm.... So coffee and chocolate for focus and staying awake, but supplement with water, tea, and hot chocolate to keep your anxiety levels and caffeine jitters from skyrocketing... :O

Whatever the case, know you're worth it, your totally capable of getting this stuff done, and you just need to trust that and do your best. Everyone has days where it is hard to get stuff done, hard to function, etc... Just some of them are really good at hiding it! Don't compare yourself to them. Just set small goals, and do them. Then, you can make a new goal. Small goals build up faster to get to your big goals than just starting with the very end of the project as your goal.

So, what can you do to work on the internet connection (I'd totally buy a new router or something, if you think that's the problem), and what small part of your project do you need to work on next?

Oh, and on the masquerade front... That beautiful mask someone posted is currently selling for about 250k, not the 5M that you see when you hover over it... There are ten for that price, so snap them up quick if you want them! Actually, I figured, all the masks are going to start skyrocketing in the next couple days (they always do, after all), and they're a good place to make profit... So I bought a few up. I'm going to put them in my Seasonal Shop later for more, but if you guys want a copy, I've thrown a few in trades, and for pink buns, I'd probably be willing to let them go for cost... :O

Oo, that play list looks interesting... And that castle in the documentary? I've totally been there. My husband took me there last year for my birthday. :O

Oh man... Thanks for the heads up about the masquerade mask, but I was too late, they're all gone lol...

Anyway, to you and Thank you for your responses. I'm feeling a bit calmer and better right now. Especially since I was able to do something about the work...

I took a break and made an HA for the daily challenge :) I actually don't watch TV or anything, my "relaxation" activity is basically Subeta lol. Or cuddling my bf, but he's a bit passed out at the moment...

I love coding in a coffee shop, but recently I haven't been able to because of my terrible hours. The one I know of closes at 10, and as you can see I've become quite nocturnal... Hopefully I can fix my sleep schedule soon. I know the coffee isn't the best, but I can't really stop... Coffee has become a sort of crutch for me, and I rely on it a lot to help my mood ><

I'll definitely ask my bf about the router... The next task for me, for work, isn't too bad actually. I need to get the whiteboard out and start planning. But idk, I'm always so depressed. I think that's a big part of it for me... Even now, when I'm calmer, I know I can do stuff, but I feel miserable anyway and want to cry... I know it doesn't make sense, and the more I think about it the more I want to cry, but I don't know why.

makes perfect sense to me, it sounds just like depression. There's really not a way to describe why you're feeling as awful as you are and it's really hard to deal with. But talking about it is really good! Having an outlet is super important and being able to talk about how you're feeling is healthy for you.

Coffee was a bit of a crutch for me too, I still have to have a cup a day but my psych was on me about cutting it back. It helped once I was able to.

It's really good the next task for you wont be too much of a hurdle! Definitely do some planning to get ahead of it if you have the extra time :) staying on top of things does wonders for anxiety! Subeta has become a big part of my relax time since I've joined as well and I'm glad - I love the community and ohmygod I'm addicted to the wardrobe! creeps away to go check out Bug's new HA post

There you go, one lovely mask for one lovely bug. :) And yeah, I rely an awful lot on my coffee... But maybe you can fill in sometimes with other things or, if it's the flavor you rely on, and the habit, more than the caffeine, maybe you can get away with decaf?

Don't feel bad about that depression thing, though. Lots of people deal with depression. And feeling depressed about having depression, letting yourself be guilty, or comparing yourself to others who don't have it will only make it worse. Even amazing people with amazing lives fight with depression!.

All you can do is try to find things that make you happy. Sounds like you're a cuddler... Have you ever thought about getting a pet? I'm a big cuddler, too, and I always had pets growing up. When I moved to Switzerland, though, we lived with the inlaws, who didn't want pets. When we moved out, we thought about getting pets, but didn't for a long time... Daniel wanted a dog, because his dad is allergic to cats, and he was worried if we got a cat, we wouldn't be able to have his parents over, and dogs are REALLY expensive here. You have to take all these training courses together and such, or you can't have them. I finally convinced him to get kitties, though, and that helped my depression SOOOO much. Having a little bit of fluffiness to cuddle with is so nice... Plus, we got kitties that were raised from birth to ten weeks by a family with loads of children, in a small town where you always seem to find extra children hanging around. So, they're used to loads of cuddles, and they're very willing to cuddle with me whenever I want them to. :O I often have one on my lap while translating or playing on the computer.

But ultimately, there is SOMETHING out there that will help you feel less depressed, whether it's a cuddly animal, spending time writing in a journal, going out to coffee with a friend once a week, filling your room with pictures that you like, or painting the walls your favorite color, or listening to some specific music (I have "happy" play lists to play when I'm feeling down). There is something out there you love, that will make the day easier to get through, an aquarium full of pretty fish, baking, I dunno.... You just have to find it! I have my computer background rotating through pretty pictures, which I change with the season. Or if you don't have enough light, plant lights will make it seem like you're getting more sunlight... If you're a nature person, taking a walk through a park could help, or growing a few plants near where you do your work.

Welcome to the group, !! :D 👋

You don't need to feel like that, hon, it's not good for you hugs Usually we all need to eat a very good breakfast and sometimes take vitamins (during breakfast) in order to funtion very well during the day o: Do you have a good breakfast everyday? o:

haha yes you are right! I just remember when I first joined Subeta you couldn't hide them behind the ha and background bc it wasn't an option on the wardrobe to put anything behind the background or at least I wasn't able to do it. Lol But it's true u can hide them and it works

try to relax, take a walk and then come back. Staying calm is the key- I know it's hard but if your stressed things don't go well. Best of lucks xx

That happened to me for my previous job but the worst happened and because of that my parents and brother treat me like trash because I no longer have a job:/

Why is this group so sweet??? I feel really happy to be a part of it~

- Welcome! :D

- Depression doesn't make sense. It's like "feel miserable for no reason and do nothing all day, muahaha". But, the fact that you're working despite the negative feelings is amazing! It shows that you won't let the depression win. But, as others have said, make sure to give yourself some time everyday to do things that make you happy. Overworking yourself makes depression worse.

Also, let yourself cry if you feel like crying. I've learned it helps to let those feelings out instead of bottling it in.

Based on what I've seen, Stack Overflow seems like a hostile community and I would never feel comfortable asking anything. I wonder if there's a friendlier site that would answer advanced coding questions...

welcome to the group :D! Im pengy and im the owner :D! I hope you enjoy it here :D! a new competition is about to be launched within the hour so I hope you participate and have fun ^^!

lovely calm your wee self ❤️

As an ex-manager of a supermarket, its understandable when staff dont work to the highest ability sometimes, we understand there is life outside of work! you are not trash!! you show up for your shifts and even if you think your work output isnt great, its still output and let me tell you thats A LOT better than some of the staff I've dealth with! As long as you do your work and are punctual and present Im sure you can't be fired ❤️! Maybe set yourself little weekly challenges to do better, I dont really know your job but when my staff were feeling unmotivated about things (for example handing out coupons) I would say "right, here is 1000 coupons each, hand them all out by the end of the week and I will get buns to celebrate!" and it was so stupid but omg it worked! So maybe something like that? I work in a microbiology lab now

Ring your internet provider! they cant expect you to pay for an unuseable service! threaten to leave them and go to another provider! We did that a while back and not only did our internet speed increase, we got out bill reduced by £10 a month! reads page 122 is your router provided by the company? our router got upgraded a while back for free when they upgraded their internet! It may sound mental, but moan and yap and be passive agressive as f about the router to your bf and it will get sorted. I do that all the time to my bf to get things done ❤️

you can do so much! so so much! please dont feel like trash! lovely you are a wonderful person ❤️!! we love you here at PBs!

I have a question, did you do the coding for your profile and shop yourself? :)

Sorry for the group ping, all, but I figured since I just changed my username, now is as good a time as any to alert friends and introduce myself to new people! I've been here since the start, but I'm typically a quiet Subetan and don't post much. xD

My name is Sam! Username just changed from Triforce to Hug. Zelda still has a special place in my heart, but I've drifted away from it a bit over the last few years. Hello, people who've never met me! <3 I hope we can get to know each other!

Welcome to the group, love! You won't meet a kinder circle of people. <3 I know I haven't.

I don't think we've met, but I can honestly say I've been in your shoes. Almost exactly the same situation too. Depression is debilitating, and in my situation it resulted in me losing my job. If I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would probably say, "Take care of yourself first. It's okay if you're depressed, and it's tough as hell, but you're better than it is, and you can make it through. If you stop fighting and let it win, you'll regret it later. Once it has taken things from you, the crawl back to stability will be even harder." I wish I hadn't lost that job; it was my highest paying one to date, and my coworkers were also incredibly sweet and understanding. I know it's easier said than done, and it might feel like an insurmountable task at first, but it can be small things! Taking walks on nice days, a bubble bath, practicing your faith, meditating, reading, whatever helps ease your ache. <3 You can do it! We all believe in you.

awww hello sweetie ❤️

This is gonna take me forever to get used to haha!

What made you choose hug as a username :3?