You'd probably like the California rolls, Kat. It's rolled with the rice on the outside and a lot of people start out with those. Most of the time, they're not filled with anything raw, either. Think I'll make some spicy tuna Cali style rolls for when she comes home in July.

Cheddar is such a cute name. I went with Tigger, even though his face reminds me of lion with the roundness of it.

Might put up the fencing around the tomatoes this weekend. I've got 2 big type of tomatoes in the back garden but since they didn't have the kind of start the cherries up front did, I can wait on fencing those.

I'm really not trying to do too much physically this weekend, even though my grass needs mowed, b/c the camping will be physically challenging enough.

Everyone else wanted to name him Garfield. He did not have black stripes so I did not want to do that. He is my Cheddar Cheese ;) sometimes I call him cheddar cheese please :P Or Mister Cheese LOL I crack people up when they hear me say Mr Cheese. Belle I sometimes call my Baby Belle Cheese, since I've got Cheddar Cheese hahahah I started that when she was a puppy, but she is my biggest animal now.

My day today will consist of being pissed off probably, because hubby wants to work on the divorce papers and he's already started being a butthead about some things, according to him based off what his lawyer told him...and the other things based off his income and the fact he has to pay federal taxes. I understand/get the issues, its just frustrating to me to deal with this. I can't wait til its over and done and I don't have to deal with it.

Don't let him get under your skin and make you have less through the divorce as a result of not wanting to argue with him. I made that mistake and we had a lot less to disperse - definitely not a house or taxes. His lawyer is working for him so he's going to want your soon-to-be-ex to get as much as he can from the divorce.

I got a couple things to get at the store and then I can do whatever I feel like doing around the house. I have to lay out all the stuff that I'll be taking in my backpack so I know I have exactly what I need and then find the exact route to where I want to go and have that mapped out, and also have my food prepared. I wish I could make a list but I need to go through my inventory to be able to see my stuff to remember what to take.

He decided not to go with the lawyer and we just went to one of those "file your own" websites. Even if we used the lawyer we wanted to do no contest/already agreed upon stuff....he just thought using the lawyer would make it where he didn't have to pay anything other than what he's already paying thru his income deduction. And he found out he had to pay the lawyer like $400 for the divorce. I told him that was probably the basic filing fee and he'd have to pay that anyway, but we did what we wanted and did the website.

We basically agreed, I get the house. We share legal custody and I have physical custody of Nathan. He pays me x amount of child support weekly. Nathan visits over there if/when he wants, so can Ryan over here - visit if/when he wants. We said no to basically all other questions, simply because we each have our own car and our own bank accounts, nothing is together, no debts as we just completed the bankruptcy, no other assets and we were not going to argue over who got the "green couch" or the "kitchen appliances". If it's in this house it stays is what we agreed, unless it's something personal like his mom/dad's old radio. If he wants that he can get it when he has room to put it in his own house. Otherwise it'll stay here. No worries. Little crap like his motorcycle helmet I'll just ask him "you want this" and then hold it or give it to him or trash it/donate if he doesn't want it. We can deal with that on our own w/o court being involved.

As long as I get the house and support for Nathan I'll be good. That's what I want..I would LIKE spousal support but I also feel he should not have to support me if he's not married to me either so....I'm choosing to let that go as l have verbal agreement that he'll help me with things if I need him to (like changing my oil, fixing the lawn mower, etc). And if it comes down to he doesn't want to do that anymore, well, hopefully I'll have Nathan or Shane. Or figure it out like a grown up 😝 And honestly, if he is giving up the house for me, he is giving up a lot of $ he could get for selling the house at value even if he split that $ with me. So I guess I kind of also feel like that is my trade off instead of spousal support in $

That sounds really fair, Kat. I agree that the all the things you get will definitely equal out to the spousal support that you would've deserved if you had to get your own place or pay for the things he's agreed to do.
Speaking of Nathan... did he ever remember Mother's day? Some time ago I read a few entries and I had to agree with what Mieke said - he was definitely being a little shit. My oldest is 26 and she still fits that bill.

So I DID make a small list... of things I need to remember to do before I leave. Some stuff has to absolutely be last minute like making sure the chickens and cats have enough food for a couple days and plenty of water spread around. I'm going to shut all the windows, of course, but also turn on the air to a higher setting so it doesn't kick on too soon but it's definitely going to be quite warm by Wednesday and I don't want to come back to a stuffy house. This past week that my daughter was home would've been the PERFECT time to go camping w/ the really cool nights we've had, but it is what it is. I'll be quite happy to get some hammock sleeping in b/c new bed or not, I still have some painful nights. I wake up in NO pain when I sleep in a hammock.

Does disappear when I show up? lol

Nope. He never said anything. Katie stopped by the next day tho :) And brought me a doormat (pickup truck decor lol), candy and some cute little magnetic bookmarks. (She had already texted me on the day, like Shane had).

Hahah sometimes it does seem like that sometimes!? I think you guys are just busy at opposite times.

Today Ryan figured out what was up with my car - apparently, I needed a water/antifreeze fill-up. LOL SO the engine kept running hot and the ac was not working right because of that. He is still keeping the car and I'll use the jeep tomorrow to take Shane to the airport, so he has a chance to make sure that was the only issue. (I switched cars with him since I had to pick up Shane in Lithia Springs and had lots of stop/go traffic and didn't want my car to overheat) He says he will flush the system too and refill it for me.

My overall decision on the day is to have drinks, lol. Then whatever else I get done will be a win. I did pick up a couple of things for my camp food, including instant coffee and food planning is important for backcountry camping, since you don't have a cooler and hike to whatever spot you want. I want to at least get out and do the front trimming and maybe even mow the front and upper side and then take a break b/c the rest is that entire backyard and the rest of the side which is a hill and much more physical. Want to do some weeding, too. Fix part of the fence. Fence the maters...................... blaahhhhhhhhhhh I'll just see what gets done.
I plan on leaving some time on Monday, probably the early afternoon and I want all the packing to be done before then. It's about a 3hr drive to one part of this national forest I want to get to and my car seats are nearly as comfortable as my previous car with its bucket seat and extra lumbar support, all mechanical. For a 2006, it was pretty fancy, lol. Well, no matter the year it had more bells and whistles than any other car I've ever owned, even now. (That was the convertible Solara I had that I just got rid of.)

My car is due for maintenance at the most inconvenient time so it's just going to have to wait. I could take it to a quick oil change place, but I need my tires rotated and getting it all done at the same time not only saves money but the settings can be adjusted at the same time too, lol. I've also been going to the same place for years now b/c it's foreign auto orientated and I can get my brakes checked while they're rotating the tires. I have a feeling I'm going to be doing my first set of brakes solo at anytime this summer, since I pretty never hear from my older brother and my younger one.............. ohhhhhhhhhh I just remembered, I haven't shared another thing that kept me from even wanting to talk to anyone at all b/c of what he allowed to happen.
hmm... think I'll come back to this.

Oh dear oh me. Brother troubles.

I have kind of sort of been pestering my brother (not too much as I know he is in the process of divorce and moving himself) but he said he'd help Nathan fix the mazda and I have to know how much the parts will cost because I said I would pay for them. I have to keep the $ in the bank for that, so I'd like to know HOW MUCH so I know what I can spend or not spend on other things. Nathan also wants him to teach him how to drive the mazda as its a stick not an auto. Nathan can't go until after June 15th anyway as he has senior photos, and a yearly checkup apt too.

I've been looking at my fence, I want to move it over, I need to replace one of the posts for the dog runner line too. Not to mention all the other slightly more important things like the water meter and the foundation but eh. I plan to go to the bank Thurs or Fri and talk to them and get started investigating what I can to/what I need to do at least.

Ohh that's right, the water meter fiasco. I imagine the whole thing is actually schooling those involved as well as yourself, since it's not a common problem for a lot of areas (although when I first looked it up, it seemed certain states did have cities or areas that this was quite common in) so I have to say all the work you've put towards it is... what's the word.... I think it starts with an "A" but it means "to give a lot of credit/appreciation to and also admire". I'm eyeballing my thesaurus book but I think you know what I mean, lol.

I taught my youngest how to use a manual. Even though it stressed her out, she still knows how and no matter where she goes, she will always retain that memory. I think in some countries, they only use manuals, especially for rental cars. She plans to do a lot of traveling, so I told her not to ever have kids. ;) My oldest had enough kids for both of them, so I don't need anymore grandkids and I'm not that type of person, anyway. (I don't encourage my kids to get married and have kids.)

Hey, you like making lists as they work well for you. You should put the fence on a list of things to do in a goal type of list. Don't work on major changes when you yourself is going through a major change. I realize you generally don't talk about it, don't want to confront it a lot, but you are going through a major life change, and so are the kids. You know this and since you don't really talk about it - and I understand that's not what you're comfortable with - it's not something you just take in stride, like a broken down car that you have to deal with the financial aspects of. It's life changing for everyone involved. Kat, it's a LOT and I really feel for you. Your kids are old enough to get through it a little "easier", mostly b/c they are younger and able to handle change better than we can when we're older but it's a big change for them, too. I was 17 when my parents separated and got divorced and to be honest, only my dad actually talked to me about things. (I believe I've mentioned it before but my mom is a shit person.) It was more difficult to watch them fight over my younger brother, as that's where all the focus went.

If there's any expensive parts you need, you should really check out a site called RockAuto. Dot com, naturally. You can put in your year, make and model and get the precise parts that you need for the best prices. Trust me!!! I've compared many items and I absolutely love that site. I got a complete muffler kit - full pipe, catalytic converter, muffler and tail pipe (which is actually a separate piece) for my Solara for around $300 and with shipping, it was $350 I think. It was THOUSANDS for all that plus the cost of removal/replacement at a shop.

I have no idea how expensive the parts will be. I need a tailgate, and a new light fixture for sure. My brothers are both mechanics and are supposed to look into what parts are needed and what they cost. They'll be getting them from junkyards probably but will make sure they work correctly. That site sounds great tho. I bet my brothers know about it.

I was told that INSIDE the city limits, they often have people sharing meters, but that is usually because its like office space, where multiple offices are located and have utilities or something like that. Also multiple-unit homes like duplexes or triplexes. But usually out where we are it isn't done.

I want to move the fence hopefully this summer, mainly because while looking into the water fiasco and getting the land surveyed I found my fence is off by like 10ft at the backside (and about 6inches like its supposed to be at the front end). I found that if a neighbor uses your property for a long period of time they can claim it is their property. Since the fence is an OBVIOUS marker, I don't want the neighbors thinking that section belongs to them. Especially as the current neighbor IS selling the property, and I will have new owners next door - no idea if the people who move in will be renters or owners. Either way, I want the water meter settled, and the fence moved so no one can say - oh thats mine when it is NOT.

lol yes. I do like lists. The fence IS on the list of things I want to get done with this property. It will be a more easily accomplished task than some of the others.

1. Check into getting my own mortgage.
2. See if I can include water meter/foundation/siding/gutters (other types of work needed for the house) included in mortgage amount w/o raising my payment more than it already is. Will only do what I can do, not going to try and do all of it unless I can afford to. Water Meter is most important, then other stuff as listed.
3. Move the fence, replace the dog runner line post that is broken. (Move it over too since I'm moving the fence)
4. Clean out the side yard, move the dog pen.
5. Rearrange my bedroom and move my desk in there, possibly, eventually get a small recliner to go in there
6. Finish getting all the wood cut up & stacked neatly instead of in the messy pile
7. Get the trees/stumps cut up & removed if possible
8. Transplant the roses, buy new trellis for those ones, for by the swing instead of the fence
9. Get a dumpster and clean out around/inside the back house

:P Probably some other things on there too but thats the main stuff I want to work on.

Rockauto is always the best prices! But watch the shipping, different parts ship from different places, so sometimes it may be worth it to go and look at a slightly more expensive part, because the shipping could be way way less.

Nope Taarna, not avoiding you :P Just busy! haha

Today was work day around here.. we got up and trimmed all the bushes, hung up the swing, put the hammock back together, weedwhacked everything, El and lily trimmed the flowerbeds way back (they were so bad!), washed and hung Iz's sheets and blankets outside, and then Lily did hers. THEn we checked the car out. It's like if you give a mouse a cookie. If you fix one thing, you'll find out that that wasn't the only sound, and now you have three more things to fix :P

Ordered new brakes, rotors and a caliper for the car, and a socket we needed to finish the van up. Then changed the brakes and rotors and wiper arm on the truck.

THEN Alex and I went on a 4.5 mile walk.. and stopped for milkshakes during it because uh.. I was dying in the sun!

Now.. now we're sitting :P

And tomorrow after church we're going to the orchard! They just opened today. Strawberries aren't ready for picking yet, but that's OK. Then celebrating Els 18th birthday at Grandma and Grandpas because uh.. they're missing Els and Alex's birthdays, AND Els graduation, because they'll be on vacation haha.

Muhahahah ain't that the truth. And eventually you circle around to where you started !! Just like the book. We read those to the kids all year long, the different ones. Its fun. And so funny to see if they realize or not that we go back to the beginning "and if you give him some milk, chance are... he's going to want a ..... " COOKIE! :P

Mmm strawberries. I meant to go try and pick my own and completely forgot. Oh well. The ones in the store just never look ripe.

Oh, and I am so frustrated with my class. So I went to do my assignment # 2 - it has 2 parts. One says "this chapter discusses several historical figures (then lists them) - describe the contributions of each in a brief response." Ok I can do that - excpet - NONE of the people listed were MENTIONED IN THE CHAPTER!!!! NONE! I looked them up online and am going to comment that in the comment section. Hopefully I'll at least get partial credit for attempting to do the stupid assignment? SHEEESH.

Ahhh to be in my 30's again, or even early 40's. lol (thinking about Mieke and her 4.5 mile hike) NEVER stop being physical b/c as you grow older, it take so.much.longer. to get back in shape and I don't mean losing weight I think the latter half is just a given. I'm less concerned about losing weight than I am about rebuilding my muscles.

I can agree on the shipping, but there are things for older cars that you literally can't get anywhere else and that's why it's on my highest recommend list. There are other sites I've been guided to but their prices plus shipping has always been negligible. I got the majority of the assembly for the exhaust from the motor to where the exhaust is, towards the back. It's a big piece. Muffler is separate. The shipping was totally worth it.

Kat, if you're going to pay for parts, you should really look up the items you're paying for or at least ask where they are getting them from - NOT b/c you don't believe they aren't looking up the best prices for those things but it would be beneficial for your own piece of mind. I can't even tell you how much it helps to look up stuff on your own and just for an example - I had an Olds Achieva 10yrs ago that I had for 5yrs. It was kind of a junker but it ran well. (no AC, ever. No heat at the end of the 5th year that I had it which was actually one of our worst winters.) It kept dying when I would come to a stop after I had gotten over 40mph. Easy restart but annoying. Diags showed nothing. I looked up certain terms and found that it was a known issue with that car, that year, that it didn't leave the OD gear once it got there so basically, it never downshifted so it was essentially stuck in that OD gear or as you can understand as a manual driver, like never downshifting from 4th or 5th.... or even 3rd, lol.
Anyway, once I found what I thought was the answer I presented it to my dad and he agreed so at least I could take it to the shop and know exactly what they needed to fix.

Long term mechanics get paid to train on schooling for things that are updated in their specific make of car. Foreign and local still have parts from all over the world, but where it's designed is the most important. There's basics, and then there's a difference between the way foreign and American parts are designed to fit together and I can tell you from personal experience, American is easier to look at and understand, lol. Then again, I learned my first car basics from a Chevy motor (uhhh... the entire breakdown of the actual motor). The design changes a bit for foreign but the electronics are a whole new ballgame that I can't keep up with and my dad stopped going to school for the new stuff nearly 2 decades ago. My older brother is so good at figuring things out but as I mentioned, he's pretty much dropped off all contact w/ me. I have a niece that I've never even met............... and his young wife is partially to blame (b/c he can man up and not allow this nonsense to continue but he doesn't). She's a twit, with an A instead of an I. Think it's more of a British term. :P

[edit] 8:46 Did all the trimming. Mowed front, side and 95% of the back. I could've physically finished but it's going to be about 10 degrees cooler tomorrow and doing that 5% will keep my muscles from going into lazy mode. I'm honestly not worried about doing too much more as that was the most work I needed to do. The rest can wait another few days if that's what I need. It's a HUGE hurtle.... to be able to do all the mowing (and hour and a half for front and back), without a break other than a gas refill. At least I know I'm improving on my endurance and muscles.

Talked to my favorite neighbor, gave them a dozen eggs and asked if they would watch my place and especially for any random Amazon items that aren't included in Prime - as in, shit tracking and show up whenever. Come to think of it, I'd like to get a key made for them.

Hmm was that edit last night or this morning? Either way... lol Good for you, getting the stuff done, and having the endurance to do it!!

I was told the other day by a fellow teacher that I looked like I had dropped off....I am inferring that she thinks I lost weight. No clue. I don't have a scale in my house. I have been - not really counting, but I guess watching, my calories, tracking them on an app....I know that isn't the best way to lose weight, but I thought it couldn't hurt if I could remember to do it. I put in that I'd like to lose ... umm... I forget? 1 pound a month or a pound a week. Anyway, it tells me my calories goal to lose the weight, but I don't really get upset if I go over. It would be better if I ate less sugar hahaha that seems to be my worst spot. BUT - ok. I drink sweet tea. It requires sugar. I drink koolaid. It requires sugar. I have TRIED the flavored water packets, and I plan to use more of them and less koolaid, if I can remember to do so :P And also, well. Sorry but I love my sweets. I need cookies, brownies, candy at times. I cannot just say NOOOOO all the sudden. I am trying to limit it tho. And eat more fruit (which also has sugar, so....but is still better for me). Fruit is more expensive tho, and I often can't find what I like that LOOKS GOOD/RIPE!

Anyway. Long story short - I am glad you are in better shape, I am trying to get into better shape, and may have lost some weight but I don't know if I did hahahah! :P I need a scale.

[edit] mmm. I have to come up with an "informational" topic for my next speech (I also still have to record my introduction speech, but I have it more or less organized/written, just have to record it a dozen times and pick the best recording to upload hahahahah) :P The tablet is charging. EDIT Today I have rambled my thoughts on the way from listing things that I like/enjoy - which included baking, to recipe substitutions to dietary restrictions. I think that might work. Dietary restrictions.... due to illnesses (diabetes, high blood pressure, etc), allergies (gluten, dairy, nuts & other foods), and weight loss/choice - caloric reductions, sugar reductions, limiting types of foods (carbs, starches, proteins), etc Ya'll are my captive audience. Do you think that idea would make a good informational speech?

Small steps, . Decided to ping you here since I just made an extensive post in the dance thread, lol.

I don't and have never had a scale at my house. No real reason other than it would only serve to cause me stress. Stress raises cortisol levels which increases how much you retain of weight. ;) The endurance means a lot to me b/c now I can move forward with actual workouts that won't leave me feeling exhausted after 5min. (Small exaggeration but not far from how I was feeling at the beginning of this year.)

There's only one thing I'm going to say that honestly worries me about what I eat and that's sugar intake. Sugar is what feeds precancerous cells and while a cancer cell is a mutation, it is treatable before it becomes something worse. It's the same with carbs b/c they break down into sugar but you can eliminate part of that by balancing it with certain fats like lard. If you're ever interested in the studies, I have some good info I can share but I am definitely not trying to force. I believe everyone should live life how they want to live it. Just remember, you can't wait until it's "too late" to try and change things. Changing the molecular structure of your cells in your body and how everything works isn't something that happens overnight.
You want to bake sugary stuff... use monk fruit sugar. It's one small (kind of expensive) change that will improve your glucose levels as it's one of the only "sugars" that don't affect your natural glucose levels.

I take all that I read with a grain of salt until I read more supportive information to it and I absolutely don't follow strict guidelines on anything, but sugar and large portions of starch I try to actively avoid and I try to pass that info down to my girls. Getting a baseline of what you can actually have according to your metabolism is more expensive WITH insurance than I think it would be for you or anyone else that has adjusted insurance expenses. (It's the absolute absurdity that is the result of "Obama care".)

Just a couple of things to read - Sugar and older article sugar that is now archived. The first one is absolutely great as far as informational purposes.

OOOK. So anyway, I would like to have a friend of mine from the previous cult I was in be invited into CCA. I think she would fit in very well, here. <3 Her name is Jersey.

is the admin for the CCA group. I forget how to add people in, but maybe she remembers. of course your friend is always welcome to just join the board and chat. You do not have to be a member of CCA to chat here with us!! :)

I am a very bad "do whatever the heck I want" type of person when it comes to food most of the time. I sometimes get on a kick where I want to do better but for the most part, I cannot stick with anything. I agree I should do something about it now and not later when its too late. I guess that is why I keep trying periodically. Maybe one day it will stick :P That is interesting about the different sugars. I absolutely HATE that every "help" activity costs money. It doesn't matter if its miracle pills, exercise programs, food/dietary programs. Seriously, if something works, why can't people just share the info for free. I am not paying for YOUR system that may not even work for me anyway. I'd be more than happy to try a free system :P I see all these new food service programs, and oooh I so want to try them, until I see the recipes and the cost, and I realize I would not likely want to eat half the food, so why bother with the expense. I have been being sort of good lately and trying to save my leftovers and eat them for lunches or another day for dinner when Nathan decides he wants a pizza. I had a leftover dinner stuff meal today for lunch in fact. I just, well....I just really do not LIKE leftovers :( But food is food I guess.

YES! I've always had a problem with a system that would rather make money off of you and leave sick and unhealthy rather than keep you healthy and promoting a good lifestyle.

Speaking of... my lower back is killing me again and new mattress or not, it makes for rough sleeping. I ran out of my boswellia extract last week and had a new bottle coming in but it didn't arrive until Thursday so now it's gotta get back in my system before I get that pain relief again.
Doctors should be more educated on supplements rather than being paid to promote prescription drugs.

[edit] 06/04 Decided to post this here b/c it's a big deal and takes more than just a few drinks to post about, but since I've shared so much about my younger brother, this is the latest news and why I don't have any plans on talking to or dealing with him for as long as it takes to heal from this.
I'm going to try and shorten this as much as possible.

My dad didn't complete his will. He had been going over it with my younger bro, according to him, and at one point he went over his DNR w/ bro. I understood that b/c I would've been a sobbing mess... BUT, I was the one that took him to either the doctor's or the ER every single week for months so I knew his decline was permanent and unfixable. Bro never listened to me when I explained things, especially one of the last things which was why he was barely eating. (For those curious, it was his heart. As his heart declined, so did it's functionality to be able to provide necessary circulation to the rest of the organs.) To be KIND OF fair, our dad didn't want to accept it either and didn't believe he was going to go. No doubt that's where bro got the denial from.... but anyway.... I printed out a basic form of a will and had my older bro sign it in my dad's name, giving younger bro all his assets. I knew it would be a necessary thing to have in many ways and when my dad was in hospice his last few days, there was barely a sign of consciousness, let alone ability to sign any papers.

Years later, bro hasn't been doing shit. Lost multiple jobs and wasn't working for a long time. I stepped in and was sending him money, bought him a phone on my plan (that up until a few months ago have been paying for, completely), and bought him weeks worth of groceries. For several months I did this and he got a job, but then one of our dads car broke down. Next thing I knew he didn't have a job, lost the "runner" car and dad's TA was barely driveable. Then he lost water, electricity, and then started living with me. This is when I really started getting lied to... or I think I've been lied to all along b/c he did NOTHING to get the house in his name, the cars in HIS name, nothing transferred over.
The house went up for auction by the original mortgage company which is really what gets under my skin b/c if he would've done what he needed to do, that company would never have foreclosed b/c it was damn near paid off.

This part is a little complicated but I don't feel like going into more detail - A friend... a granddaughter of our dad's ex girlfriend who died a year later from an OD, was the one to inform ME that the house had been cleared and that there was a large trash thing in the driveway. I freaked, called off work the next day and went there and met her and saw things firsthand.

That little piece of SHIT had let alllll those memories.................by gawd even Dad's Veteran flag that he (brother) never deserved to even be given....... be thrown away like trash. The pictures he alone would've been worth a thousand hugs....

This happened in April, which is another reason why I've just been more MIA. Finding this shit out and coming to the realization that he's been both lying AND in denial for far too long - after ALL that I gave to him and helped him with, including sending him multiple links on HOW you deal with the transfer and paperwork and all that - is like losing my dad all over again. I I know that hanging on to physical things is what keeps us hanging on to the physical part of our loved ones, but it's memorabilia that I could've passed on to my daughters... or HE could've passed on to his, although he hasn't been much in touch with his own the last several years to even matter.

It's honestly so sad that I can only deal with it in pieces, otherwise I break down like I did Memorial Day weekend (one night) and just ball my eyes out for hours.

The first I heard of all this from a girl who considers my dad her grandpa for all that he did for her (much longer story), I called him, he didn't answer but I left a very harsh message about knowing what happened, how he can't even answer my phone call and what a piece of shit he is and since then the only contact I've had was to make sure he made his phone payment b/c I now know that I can pause his service whenever I want and I told him that a few months ago but ....... I think after this last time where I just said "phone", I'm going to wait until the last minute, which is when I actually pay the bill, and just suspend it b/c he's in his 40's and can't remember to pay a bill??? Oh that's right... I don't even know the last time he paid a bill....

Oh no, that is awful :( It is bad enough to lose the house because he didn't pay or change it into his name or whatever, but to just trash all the memories? Not even gave you and other brother (is other brother also same dad?) a chance to go thru and get what you wanted? That is horrid. Because yes, your daughters or his might have wanted something later in life too, when they begin to look into family as many people do.

Sounds like younger brother needs to grow up, but some people don't (thinking of my own younger brother here, who HAS matured some but is STILL an asshole and is only 2yrs younger than me). It is very hard, I don't know if I could do it, but it sounds as if you totally need to cut ties with him, no helping him out whatsoever anymore :( I read about people doing that, even going "no contact" with their families, but I just don't know if I could. So I understand if you feel you can't either. I see that is what you plan on for now, until you feel better/heal from all this.

But dang. What an ass he was to let all of that happen. (((((((HUGS)))))))

You know what Kat, you let loose and allowed yourself to curse and I don't mean to look too much into it but I really feel that you allowed more emotion into your text/words. It was truly heartfelt, as in, I felt the compassion in your words - NOT that I don't in other stuff but you were truly being empathetic in your text and it made me cry, for the second time tonight.
There's not a single person I've ever known that has never gotten the opportunity to grab memorbilia from a parent that has passed, and that's exactly what my brother did - not allow MULTIPLE people to help pull out stuff, prepare or even just being a half sister to get what matters....

The only reason I didn't have a key was b/c of that ex g/f of his. She was an addict, robbed him multiple times and even stole money from his credit cards when he first went to the hospital for his heart - like open heart surgery, She weasled her way back into his life/heart a few times before he got it, but that was only b/c she had a warrant and couldn't be there. I've never dealt with an addict of any kind, that I know of, but they honestly can't see beyond their own love ( the person that loves an addict). Those people begin showing traits of the addict, and justifying everything their addict does, which is what he did for several years. It was truly heartbreaking to watch.

Anyway, he changed his locks multiple times in effort to TRY and distance himself from her so by the last time, I didn't have a key anymore. Believe me.... if I had even the slightest hint that my brother hadn't done SHIT to transfer the house to his name, I would've broken in and taken things.

My mom had 3 kids, 2 marriages. I'm the in between child. After the oldest bro, she married my dad who loved her enough to legally adopt me. I was barely a toddler, so all I know is my dad as I knew him. I didn't find out I was adopted by him legally until I was 21 and that was a pretty hellish night, in its own. It was all my mother's choice, even as far as my older brother and other people within our immediate circle. The craziness of that alone - her threatening to lose friendship, love and even family if they spilled the beans - is enough to show me how insane she is. But I didn't get that far until about 15 years after I found out.

Hey, you wanted to read a STORY, didn't you?! (any of those reading) I don't find mine fascinating or even interesting. I just find it fucked up.

Aww well I didn't mean to make you cry, but crying is sometimes good, so I hope it was a good cry (sounds like it was) and you felt better after. Your dad is YOUR DAD. Adoption aside, he loved you, he kept you in his life, he did things with you. He IS your dad. The song "He Didn't Have To Be" by Brad Paisley - this is my song for MY dad. Even tho my papa (birth father) was/is still in my life, my dad is my step dad and that is his song. You get different relationships with different people in your life :) I have never understood the whole "keep it a secret" thing. WHY? Why shouldn't someone know they loved you enough to make it legal? Why shouldn't someone know they loved you enough to wanted you?! I get that some situations require more secrecy/silence than others, but in most cases, to me, there is no reason for it. Thats just my opinion. I know everyone thinks differently about it.