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What did the right eye say to the left eye? "Between you and me, something smells."
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
I bought some shoes from a dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.
My boss just texted me: "Send me one of your funny jokes!"
I texted him back: "I'm busy working. I'll send one later." "That's hilarious," he said. "Send another one!"
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
A Mexican magician says that he'll disappear on the count of three.
"Uno... dos..." POOF!
He disappears without a tres
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? Because when you find it, you stop looking.
Why are redneck cold cases the hardest to solve? There are never any dental records
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday.
It was so cold in D.C. today... ...that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
What’s the one thing will you get every year on your birthday, guaranteed? A year older.
My wife has an odd way of starting conversations ... She always begin by saying, "Hey, are you even listening?"
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]
Why do candles always go on the top of cakes? Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.
Gratz on your Achievement!
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[tot=Twisted_Pretzel]