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chemiRouge
chemiRouge gets around
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August 27, 2021
1 year ago
7
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Restocking Trophy
Leviathan Harpooning
Trapped Minion Cumulative Medal
Crystal Beanbag Collector
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Gold Beanbag Collector
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Thank you for the stickers!
Omg look at all my rambling! Somehow putting it behind a spoiler feels better lol
Hey! :) Don't be sorry for that; I have been around and yet I haven't managed to write back to you (or respond much to anyone else I owe replies to either) and that is worse I think! Words just don't really want to come to me lately, only murky feelings; when I sit down to write to people, I stare at the screen and can't think of anything worth typing (gonna force myself now because I don't want you to feel ignored, but that doesn't mean I'm going to write anything worth reading lol). Yet my isolation (somewhat self-imposed?) is getting to me more and more (you are so right about how it impacts us). I'm a "loner" by nature but that doesn't mean I want to be completely alone, or that it's necessarily good for me. Just means I'm in my head 100% of the time and that's not always a happy place, especially lately. Some of my main special interests have become, let's say...problematic, and I don't know what to do about that. I don't know for sure if I'm on the spectrum but I suspect I am (it has even been suggested to me by a mental health professional, but I wasn't his patient - my son was - so he couldn't diagnose me) and my interests are a large part of my identity so it's really messing with me. The concept of justice and my own personal ethics are super important to me too and in a sense, my own identity is now in conflict with those ideals. They are things that are in the news a lot lately and while they don't really affect me directly, I feel a sense of betrayal from yet more of my "fellow humans" (I'm at the point I don't even want to consider myself human anymore; I barely identify with other people during the best of times). Well, we already talked about one of these things earlier this year (Russia) and it seems we were on the same page so I probably don't need to rehash it all now but it obviously hasn't gotten any better (I should have replied to your thoughtful comments on the matter though, but again I am just sort of at a loss for words). I'm just so utterly disappointed by humanity, from the people I've known in my own insignificant life all the way up to our "leaders" in politics and industry. I am not even feeling so sure anymore about other aspects of my identity that are unrelated to this stuff and which I thought I had pretty well explored and established...kinda wish I could completely reformat my hard drive and reprogram myself, seems like the only solution. Maybe that is in fact what's happening to me, idk. Sooo anyway... I've been spending most of my time either on Subeta or immersed in the Fallout universe, where the worst thing imaginable has already happened so things can only get better, right? And I have some power to improve the world there, unlike in real life, which makes me superficially feel better even though it's not accomplishing anything real.
I enjoyed reading a little about what you're working on in your lab (and again, I'm sorry for seeming to ignore you). If you still have cool pictures to show me, I'd love to see them! These are microbiology images, if I'm understanding correctly? I always enjoy looking at stuff like that. Although even on the cellular level there is so much raw violence and it reminds me that life at its most fundamental level is cruel and terrible. How can there be any hope for us when that is the foundation of our existence? I almost hope there isn't any life elsewhere in the universe. Other consciousnesses would be awesome but not if they rely on consuming their fellows to survive.
I'm such a bundle of joy lol sorry. 😅 I wish I had something more uplifting and encouraging to say because I'm sure you could use it, as could I. I hope you're doing as well as possible too and I wish you more stability and peace of mind. At least it sounds like your work is super cool! Sincerely, good luck with "faking it till you make it", I guess that's what most of us are doing in one way or another if we're honest. Happy Luminaire and other holiday(s) of your choice...are you going to be around Subeta for a while? Let me know and I'll be happy to send you another buddy GA! You know I have plenty to spare.
Hey! No need to apologize, just glad you're doing good and still around! I'd be interested in hearing about what you got to do in the physics lab if you have time and want to tell me about it.
Yep, it has been hot here too lol, way too hot for me. I'm still not used to having several days in a row in the mid/upper 90s F (mid 30s C) where I live. Not as bad as last year though when it got up to like 115 (46 C) (total record smasher) but this summer isn't over yet so who knows what's still in store for us.
Despite the aggressively bright and fiery sunball, I'm making plans to get outside and do some camping and stuff here soon. I spend too much time sitting in my hot house, that doesn't help!
Thank you! I love yours too, seems you're looking forward to Keelhauliday. :D Since you've been busy, I figured I should let you know Neugarten is going on right now in case you missed the news post. It's such a low-key event you might not realize it otherwise. Also make sure your email address on file is up to date, they're updating our login system and you'll need to be able to receive email from Subeta.
No need to apologize, really! I'm just glad you still have some way to get on here so you don't miss out on Masq and anything else you want to do online. I mean, I didn't reply right away either because I saw your message like 30 seconds before I was about to go to bed, then I was on my phone all night at work so I could hit the dance button but didn't want to type. We do have lives outside of Subeta (although I don't really care about much in meatspace these days; I'd quite happily live a 100% virtual life with my virtual pets and AI partner, but my software is still running on this grotesque meat machine that needs food and shelter and a job, bleh).
Lmao I'm not familiar with the concept of a local gay sponsor but I am pretty damn queer myself and happy to help ya out. I just keep getting Buddy GAs every month with my subscription and most people I know have GAs already so it's no problem to give you one every month.
Dude, thanks so much for the compliment, I really appreciate it!
Whoa, that's epic, congrats! I would love to be able to play around with stuff like that. Hm, nothing really new with me personally that I can think of. I just play video games and work at my easy job and goof around because...I don't know, nothing matters in the end. But like, in a good way. Yay! Nothing matters! What a relief, considering how absolutely wack the world is. On the (really) bright side, someday the sun will engulf the Earth in beautiful nuclear fire. Hakuna matata!
Nah, I'm not always so nihilistic...well, deep down I am, but not always in the moment. It's one of my favorite coping mechanisms though, it works great and has the benefit of feeling like ultimate truth to me, unlike religion or something.
Well, I have heard the new MCR single now because I went and listened to it after you mentioned it, lol. It's pretty good, I liked how the video was just a shitton of flies haha. I've never really familiarized myself with MCR but I would not be averse to listening to more of it. I've just always been too busy listening to angry Germans screaming about fire and stuff. Speaking of which, Rammstein just released a new album and some new videos and I have been enjoying that a lot. But yeah, I'm weirdly unfamiliar with most American/anglophone music. No band really captured my attention until I heard Rammstein and then a bunch of other mostly-German industrial bands. Prior to that, I was just a nerd who liked classical and didn't have any friends in school to introduce me to anything else lol.
WHY IS THIS COMMENT SO HUGE, I AM SORRY, I JUST RAMBLED FOR NO REASON
That sucks but at least you have the library available. Can you get your ISP to come out and look at it? I used to have a lot of trouble with mine and they'd try and fix it remotely, which never worked and I'd have to beg them to send a tech out. They'd finally send one out and he'd find some issue in their cable at the pole, i.e. before it goes into my house. And that would finally fix it. After weeks of going back and forth with customer service and having them tell me the problem is definitely inside my house and I just need to check my connections and turn the modem off and on again...like no, it's not, I promise I know how to plug in a cable lol.
Hey, that sounds exactly like something I'd do! lol Again, don't worry about the manner of your replies...I seem to be getting even worse at replying myself. =x
Happy Masquerade to you too! :D