Okay 1 I added you on fb. I'm the one with emo makeup. :P the Kitty Hawk one. So don't think you tots a crazy Emo stalked... well not yet. ;P

And 2 I will reply to the rest of this comment when I get back from youth tonight but right now I have little time and don't feel like breaking down crying for the umpteenth time today right before youth group. So I loves you Sissy. And I have to say I never thought id get such thoughtful relationship advices from you. :P but seriously thank you for letting me rant to you. I really needed it. :)

And jell, you know what hurts the most out of all of this? I asked Travis last night if he still loved me. And I told him I didn't want an "I guess "answer. He told me he doesn't know. He's too depressed to care or feel anything. :( even after I told him how much I love and care about him and hoe id always be by him and be there for him....

Hey jell are you on fb more than you're on here?

Its okay, jell.... I'm just learning to deal with it and not try to bother him too much... Jelly, he is treating.me fine. I'm pretty used to it by now... besides he's losing his grandfather to cancer like he lost his grandmother to it so that's really taking a toll on him. So right now I'm just trying to be there for him without bothering him too much... and right now he doesn't care about anything or anyone so I understand that I'm the last thing on his mind right now. Besides I'm pretty used to being ignored. My ex was a whole lot worse... and we weren't fighting or anything. So getting to talk.to Travis for a few minutes everyday is better than for an hour more ot r less every two or three months... :/

No jell its fine. I'm okay... I just feel like I'm failing him. :( I cant do anything to make things any better for him and I just feel like I'm screwing everything up.... and I feel really selfish for trying to get him to talk to me when I know hes this depressed but I just miss him... a lot. And I don't know what to do. :( I miss the Travis that promised he'd love me forever no matter what and that used to say his heart would skip a beat when he saw I was on fb chat. And the guy that just last week promised he'd never hurt me. I miss.my prince charming jelly. I miss the guy that used to tell me he loved me at least once a day and sincerely meant it. I know it's selfish but I just want my Travis back. I want the guy I used to know. I still love him and want to be with him but I don't know if he feels the same. cries harder and that's tearing me apart.

I don't want to do that.... I cant abandon him when hes already down and everyone else seems to have. :( besides... I'm scared that if I do that he wont care and he'll just find someone else. Someone better. :( and while I want him to be happy and be with the best person possible for him... I know it's selfish but I love him and I don't want to lose him. crying harder I just want my Travis back! I want the guy that used to tell me I was beautiful and that be loved me the way I am. I want the guy that used to tell me that just my smile made him feel better. I want the guy that made me feel loved and appreciated even though I know I screwed up so much. :( I want the guy that promised me that he'd be with me forever...

And to top it all off, I asked him just today if he still wanted this and he just said that he was too depressed to care about anything and that nobody is there for him when I'm trying my hardest to be but he pushes me away by ignoring my messages and barely talking to me...