Look, it's been a tough year. It's really hard to be funny at times like this, when it's felt like April 1st for 84 years, but I'll do my part on this sacred day!
Take a look at my monkey, he's funny! He has really helped my emotional well-being. He likes being held. I like to give him a good squeeze. He's the color of a nice ripe eggplant, which is my favorite vegetable. He's not really a monkey, but I didn't know that when I got him. He's actually just an image drawn on a computer! But then, aren't we all?
Come get a hold of my monkey for yourself. HAPPY ELWOOD DAY!

Thanks, Elwood. Mine is named Bob because I name everything Bob for absolutely no reason.
May our Democracy survive the chaos.