Subeta - Pet Spotlight

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Congrats Tilcara :) <3

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Congrats Tilcara!!!

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Grats Tilcara! <3 What an amazing story ;~; The profile is equally amazing!

I agree with . Take the negative comments and gtfo n-nv If you had questions about it, they should have been brought to comments/smails.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

truly an amazing story and pet!!!! her story had a very folksy feeling to me. Like a story passed down from a culture who revered snakes or death or something. very captivating; i'd definitely read more about her life as snake and how she deals with missing her old life :o) i hope the owner writes more about her!!

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Her reaction of being afraid of furry animals was in her early days as a snake (hence the past tense but maybe a pluperfect would have been more accurate). It's highly possible that if they try "now" she would eat like a normal snake. It's not much related but I care about a Python ball who has always refused to eat rats but has no issue with mice. I know an owner who couldn't feed any rodent to his snake and took the habit of feeding her something else, but maybe if he tried now she would eat it, who knows (she was an inspiration for doraphobia). At the exotic animal clinic, I've handled quite a bunch of snakes which were found by passer-by/taken by the police because they were detained illegally. Most were in a bad state and once healthier would be hard to approach, but sometimes there is an exception. As soon as their health and behaviour enables it, these animals are put for adoption and don't cause problems to their new owners as far as I know. So I didn't think it's highly unrealistic to imagine a snake would be relocated from one place to another after being found if she "acted nice". Then, I am a vet student, not a zoo-keeper so my experience is different and possibly inaccurate in this case.

Again, it's a tale and not meant to be much realistic. If I wanted to be realistic, I would have chosen another specie (for all I know white-lipped python are quite territorial an I wouldn't put two together outside breeding without extensive preparation, also those I know are certainly not easy to handle) : I would certainly have picked a morelia spilota because the couple I saw "hugging" in real life was a couple of morelia spilota (but those I know tend to bite a lot when handled) or a python ball (because all the ones I know are sweethearts and easy to handle). If I wanted to be realistic, Dora's story would be stated as being a "legend" told to naive visitors and I would certainly have denounced the anthropomorphism of saying two snakes are "hugging" when they are simply sleeping together.

It has happened to me to read a book and feel frustrated/bored because the story had such potential, but was not as good as it could be (imo) because of some flaws. It feels weird to be on the other end. I think I understand your point, I am very happy and grateful you took the time to give constructive criticism and glad that you liked my idea. I really am and I thank you. I am just a bit upset because I realise I have failed at conveying the "tale" aspect of the story and creating a suspension of belief. But it's OK and I will take your remarks into account when writing realistic stories for my other pets. I won't change this one though, because in spite of all its flaws it's doraphobia's tale.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Well, if she is truly the snake, why is she still afraid of small furry animals? That goes against her every instinct to chow down on them and kill them. I'm really not trying to rain down on anyone's parade, and I'm sorry if it seems that way. But there are a lot of things you need to take into consideration. Even the fact that they took her in needs to be looked at, because the zookeepers would notice a new 5 foot snake in the enclosure and wouldn't be all over handling it, given that they wouldn't know how she got there. It's an interesting idea, and the only reason I'm giving criticism is because I like it, and it's really close to being a very good story, considering the themes.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

I've seen this pet before and I was VERY impressed! I really love the profile and the story! I don't think there's really any plot holes at all lol. Congratulations on the well-deserved win!

Absolutely brilliant pet. :)

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Firstly thank you for the nice comments. Now I'll try to address some criticisms. This story was intended to be a tale. There isn't a precise time period, nor a precise place where the events occurred. Yes there are "darker aspects" of the story that I purposely didn't tell there. Because in most tales, there is a darker edge that isn't always explicit. It was a choice.

It wasn't made to be highly realistic (I mean a girl resurrecting as a snake isn't something highly realistic), and to be honest the issue of the age at which the girl became impregnated is something that amaze me. I'm tempted to say "this is why we can't have nice things". White-lipped pythons have a life expectancy of 20 years, and there was a time ellipsis. Obviously her getting used to her new life and falling for another snake isn't something that occurred in a day or even a year. It took time for her psyche to disappear and for her to become a snake. I can understand people not liking my writing. I am French so of course I am not confident at all in my English, and obviously had my story proofread. Several times. By people whose mother language IS English. If some mistakes are still present, then I apologize. I'll ask for another proofreading, hoping this time I'll get rid of remaining syntax/grammar mistakes. But please if you see something else wrong, tell me in smail or comment. Last time when Mumyo won someone told me there were mistakes (although he had been proofread too) but never told me which.

I have nothing against constructive criticism, but you really seemed to be "raining on my parade" (I think that's the usual expression ?) in your first comment. However I am glad you found the "darker aspect" of the story and felt the need to talk about it, and you did keep your tone civil. Now, to address your issues specifically... 1 - She fell into where the snakes where livings. The reticulated pythons are huge animals, they aren't kept in usual tanks. It's possible to keep them in a sort of pit. In which she fell (which happens, in November there was an accident involving a 2-year-old boy, a zoo, a pit and wild dogs which ended badly). Were the snakes kept in bad conditions ? Certainly, and that was the point. 2, 3, 4 : it certainly did, I just didn't talk about it. Not everything has to be told, and these things were obvious enough in my opinion when one thinks a bit about it that it wasn't necessary to tell about them. Also the story is told from Dora's point of view, except the last paragraph because it's set much later and at that moment the story can't be told from Dora's point of view because Dora isn't human any more. It's not a happy thought but in the end Dora's conscience blended into the snake's one, she really is a snake, not a girl trapped into a snake's body. I didn't say in which zoo she was, but it's certainly not the very same zoo she fell in. It's highly probable the zoo was shut down (the absence of surveillance, the bad conditions in which the reticulated pythons were living and finding a new snake in the pit being a blatant proof of bad management) and she was relocated.

I didn't read Twilight nor have seen the movies so I don't really understand what your comparison is about though.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

well i like the pet and for the cristicism.. this is the first time ever that is see such "detailed" and "hard" critic on a spotlight it would be better to comment or smail the person and not to put it in such an open way

for the plot-holes.. i know worse stories for that as well.. it is alright

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Oooh, I love snakes! I have a ball python myself. Congrats! ^^

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

I think the issue with the criticism was it was made so public. I'm sure the crit will go to more use and be more positively accepted if you had commented the user personally. It's probably not that fun to see intense crit on your spotlight for everyone to see, it can be disheartening.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Mhm, I suppose. It's just odd to me. Where I live, if an animal kills or attacks someone and they're n a zoo, they're usually put down. And I have yet to see an enclosure where someone can just fall into a snake pit just like that. There's usually some sort of plexiglass or an additional barrier, at least where I live. Either way, that would have been a terrible way to die and I can't believe her family wouldn't sue the zoo. The morality of the parents here are just really questionable. 'She was so afraid of fluffy animals that we, her loving parents, thought it was okay that she was killed slowly by giant snakes with no handlers present to come and save her life'. And though it may be true that snakes age faster... it's sort of like how in the Twilight books, Jacob was going to wait until the baby was about 5 to have sex with her because her body aged faster. The mind is still that of a young girl... And regardless of how much time has gone by... it still is questionable to me, given that one has the mind of a human and one clearly doesn't.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Not trying to crush them, mate. I already mentioned that its a real unique idea and I don't hate the pet. I'm keeping a civil tone, pointing out that there are grammatical errors that need to be looked at and bringing the fact that there are plot holes to the story, not to mention the questionable relationship between a schoolaged girl trapped in a snake's body and a real snake. Constructive criticism=/=being a jerk or trying to crush someone. It's just that; constructive criticism.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

I do agree some of the wording and writing style could be improved, I would say that the "holes in the story" are not really holes at all...many snake exhibits around the world are much like pits, rather than terrariums. They are usually larger, with a railing guard to prevent people from falling in. It's implied she fell in, even if we have no explicit description of it...zoos also don't euthanize animals for killing humans. It's natural for large carnivorous animals to attack a human should it fall into their grasp, especially a child, and most zoos understand this. They CAN be sued though, for improper enclosure procedures, but they really will not often put the animal down...Tilikum, the preforming orca at seaworld has killed 3 people over several years, entirely out of aggression. Yet he has not been put down, so I don't see why pythons doing what they do in the wild would be reason to put them down. As for the other holes, as far as good story telling goes, I feel the writer kept a good direction and eye towards to subject of the story, not other small issues that are not very important to the eventual fate of the girl. I'm sure readers do not want to be sitting here reading a court ruling against a zoo when we really want to know what happened to the girl after she fell in. As for the squicky part....we don't know how many years have passed from when she met jake, so she might be an adult now (snakes age faster too).

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

are you serious the comments on this spotlight, keep your negative opinions to yourself instead of crushing someone else's spotlight or comment them directly jfc

that aside..... congrats on the win! i really do like this pet~

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Also, there's one last thing bothering me... Dora, who is a schoolaged girl and is trapped in the body of a snake... is impregnated by a real snake. That's... sort of squicky.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

Congratulations! ^_^ Omg that hovering is so gorgeous - Snaaakes~

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

I have to agree with . Your writing seemed jumbled. Snakes are generally pretty icky to me, but your story seemed nice. Gratz on the win in any case!

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by

And now that I reread it, it has a bunch of jarring holes in the story. 1- How did the snakes get her, it was never explained. Did she just phase through the glass/cage? 2-Why didn't the family sue the zoo for their daughter's death? 3- The two snakes were euthanized, yes? Because that is what they do with man-killers. 4- How is the zoo not shut down, and how did they not notice a new snake being found in their reptile house? With those things being ironed out, along with the little mistakes here and there like I mentioned before, this could be a pretty unique pet.

December 31, 1969, 7:00 pm by