Next thing I knew my phone went ballistic. I wasnt sure wtf woke me up, my brain was wrapped up in a fuzzy dead to the world sleep. I answered and could hear my daughter screaming without it being on speaker. That woke my ass up, I tell ya what. Even using the calming momma tones we're all familiar with it took maybe 10 minutes for me sort out the broken phrases inbetween her sobs.

Jenna was dead or dying, the kids need me, she would meet me there, we have to get there, something about her brain, a neighbor, the flight for life. Before she finished talking I was up, dressed, down the hall, out the door and gone. Sica told me later Timmy could hardly maintain his sanity so he asked her to call everyone for him. When he called two nights after, he started to sob when I answered. I have walked down some harrowing paths with my son but this.. if I never experience anything close to this again it'll be too soon. I asked what went on it took awhile but the facts are embedded into my mind.

Shortly after 3am Timmy woke up to someone pounding on the door. It was the sheriff and a deputy. A minute or two after a second deputy, then the neighbor came in. they all know each other because they're all part of EMS and the local fire dept so one deputy stopped to wakeup the neighbor so she could stay with the kids He was told there had been an accident, his wife was being airlifted to HCMC, her injuries were life threatening. He got to the Traumatic Brain Injury Unit in Minneapolis by squad car. No one knew anything beyond that.

Her skull was exposed but I don't believe her brain was. I dont need to know. They removed a 4 inch square piece of skull from the left side of her head just behind the ear, she was nonresponsive when the EMTs got to the scene, they got her back but she remained comatose. It was after the chopper got there she started to moan or something but her brain was swelling so they put her back under. After hours in surgery her team went up to Timmy and told him they had done all they could do for her, it was in Gods hands, they said. They also told him to be prepared, the odds of her surviving were not good.

They moved her to a private room in the TBI ICU. From that moment until her mom asked if she could go in days later Timmy never left her side. Much to the surprise of the team taking care of her and two of the EMTs who stopped by to check on her, Jenna survived the night. As for his sisters, her siblings and me, we were asked to stay where we were, there was so much shit hooked up to the girl that only one person could be with her and that position was filled.

In all honesty we all knew we could lose Jenna when we got that first phone call. The way I see it, those of us who have faith start praying, those who use to have faith find it fast and those who didnt have faith do now. I don't look at things like most people. Yes, I believe in the Almighty but thats where my way of thinking and most other believers part ways. I don't think any group that believes in a higher power is wrong or misguided, I think it's all geared toward the same entity, just under a different name. My kids and I have seen miracles happen, we believe in the power of prayer, in positive energy, in our ancestors, in all who turn to what we call the highest power, the Creator. The instant I realized this was bad I knew it was all hands on deck. We needed prayers and positive energy. I got ahold of any and every person I could think of, if I didn't care for them, it didnt matter, they followed the light, they were asked - we needed all the help we could get. My girls and I talked to every friend, family member, local church leaders, prayer circles, prayer groups, no one was off limits. A spirit fire was lit as the word went out on the rez, we asked pastors, sunday school teachers, priests, anyone with the ability to do so include her in prayer services..

Some people were lighting candles, others were putting tobacco down, some burning sage, everyone we got in touch with was doing any thing they thought would help and to tell everyone they knew. I wouldnt be surprised if our requests went nationwide within 24 hours.

The reason I say this - this wasn't the first time she decided it was her time to party so he could either watch the kids or leave with them - I'm sure you can imagine the words exchanged between the two of them before he took the kids home. That guilt almost consumed him.

deep breath Okay. Here we go.

Personally, I feel that when there's been a tragic event the original (first) description/explanation is always the most accurate. It doesn't take long for things to get exaggerated. Or worse yet, the CYA syndrome kicks in - thoughts that it might be best not say anything about that pollute the facts, aka "cover your ass" It's pretty sparse but these are the facts I've been able to pin down

1 - Everyone involved was waisted 2 - The property has enough trees and such to be considered country while being part of a cul'de sac suburb setting, each home in their area seems to come with acreage 3 - It happened while "the girls" were playing around on something called a hummer UTV 4 - No one said what she was thrown against. After checking out the property on google maps it literally could have been anything - concrete steps, the edge of the pool, part of the rocks lining the driveway, the driveway itself, a parked vehicle or one of the larger trees on the property 5 - Whatever it was she came in contact with was solid. The impact was so forceful it split her skull open behind the left ear causing her brain to hemorrhage 6 - 911 was called within seconds according to a deputy they know 7 - Whatever happened was traumatic enough to cause a fit, healthy woman in her late 30s to flatline twice

Now that Jenna's home its like something flipped the switch inside from Jekyll to Hyde. One of the hurdles they worked to overcome was Jenna declaring This is all Tims fault! He did this, that fucker! when she got worked up. Her team kept telling my son to let it go, they were going to help her work through it.

cough They must have decided to skip that step because she bitches him out for what happened every freaking day. It's soooo not my nature to walk away from attacks like this, but I was asked not to mention the accident so I ignore her while inside my head Im screaming THE F... HELL IF IT WAS.

She's become cruel, her expressions hold no emotion unless she's being hateful, her limited vocabulary works just fine, her words cutting and cold when she snaps at those who begged God to bring her back. And the things she says to Timmy and the kids, screaming to be quiet, go away, get out of her face even when they're on the other side of the room, snarling at them saying shit like little goddamn brats, they need their asses kicked, telling Timmy to fuck off, declaring that this is all his fault which started when she got confused at Craig I guess, even screaming "One of you PLEASE take those fucking brats and gtfo". She can't be on her own of course, she isn't able to get in or out of her chair on her own so one of us begrudgingly stays behind and the other is more than happy to oblige. After experiencing her outburst myself my girls and I decided one of us has to be there if the kids are home so we can run interference, I don't know what she might be capable of if she actually got her hands on them, I do know if that were to happen it would not end well

Recently Lettie, who's only 3 said Nana can you have mommy trade with daddy so she's nice to me today.. OMFG. Another time Jenna had a relapse and Timmy got a sitter so he could stay with her. When Lettie woke up she started sobbing asking why the nice lady who gave her a bath and tucked her in couldnt stay with her until I got there. My heart actually hurt I swear.

Last week or week before Sica told me about when she met Merrik at the door after school and Jenna screamed something about his shoes before they even come in. He froze, his hand stopped reaching to open the door and whispered Auntie why is she so mean to me? She was gone for so long, she should be nice right? He will be turning 6 in a few months.

Personally I've heard him tell his dad I missed her lots but she didnt miss me. I about lost it on that one. Me and my temper went outside so I didnt hear any more.

I take steps to keep quiet, example I'll bite my lip so hard at times it splits open - that was one of those times. I'm not one to stand by and watch my grandchildren fight back tears while they stay as far away from mommy dearest as they can and vanish to the toy room. And I have to, I can't allow my emotions to get the best of me when I'm there, I have no idea what that girl has been through and still going through.

I am the rock. I'm as steadfast as I've always been, showing no fear but being honest I don't know what to do to help her. My head tells me that's most important right now, that if my girls and I can't find a way to help her, how can we help the rest of the family?

I know some of yall get whats happening here. Hell, our Chookie has delt with it, our Fabulous one has been where I stand right now with her brother. I'm seeing for myself where Im screwing up as I break it down for the first time since the accident. I have to try harder to suck it up, ignore the urges to fight back against the hateful things she does. Every time I get angry I need to try harder to "take a walk in her mocks, see her trail of tears" because something is messed up in there. i see her rubbing her temple or push her fist against her head, I assume she must get terrible headaches, even migraines maybe.

I must be patient, soft spoken and gentle with her. I need to figure out how to do that, I mean seriously, how frustrating would life be not to be able to get something that you want when it's just out of reach on your own, or get dressed, or speak clearly, walk a few steps without someone holding on to you .. truth is I had been thinking none of us know whats actually going on with her, after typing it out I know none of us do.

although they didnt expect her to survive, Jenna fooled them all, she seemed so set on getting better this just confounds me to no end. I spend a lot of time there, remaining quiet as a church mouse yep, me.. can you believe that? in the background picking up things or whatever and keeping things quiet while they do their thing.

Yes, they rebuilt and replaced the 4x4 inch piece of bone they took from her skull a few weeks before she was brought home. I can not handle looking closely at the images but I do know it was the mid and upper left section of the skull that was removed but the size seems out of another world, Jenna is tiny she's just a bit bigger than Sica, thats a huge amount of skull to lose. At least it seems that way to me

Activities such as walking around on level surfaces she can handle sorta .. that depends on the day. Usually it's with minimal assistance. Up or down steps - always with assistance. When Jenna was transported from Craig in Denver to the rehab center in IA she was starting to do things on her own but she's relapsed a bit, some days she can get around a little other days she needs help with all that. She cant walk up the stairs without someone holding on to her,

When she loses her balance, i cant help but think that might have more to do with her medical condition from before the accident thats resulted in several trips to the hospital and multiple transfusions because of low hemoglobin - god I sound almost educated but to be honest Im not really sure what that is, i just know its from IBS which makes something bleed internally.

Get this - there is no facility in the state of Minnesota that is equipped to assist with the TBI Jenna has. Can you believe that? That's why once she mastered the requirements to be released at On With Life in IA she was sent home. In my opinion it's clear she needs more care than we're equipped to provide but what can you do when you live in a state that provides nothing more than occupational / physical in home therapy. Hell, Sica could do that, she's an RN with half a dozen other degrees from the Nursing alphabet ladder. They have both types of therapists and a case worker, with Timmys position as lead fraud investigator and hers as a nurse at a regional facility i assume they had pretty decent insurance but everything has a max but i dont know what it might be. Timmy keeps all that to himself.

Lettie is 3. Merrik is 5. They don't understand what's going on with mommie. We try to explain, emphasize that mommie is dealing with things even Nana cant understand, that she doesn't mean the things she says but neither understand what's happening. We continue to try but getting them to grasp that there's two mommies now, that the mommie they knew is gone has not been successful. They know about the horrible accident, but Im not sure that's even something they comprehend. If you ask how they know its that they've been told about it.