I just want an outside view given that, even as an adult, I'm not really sure about whether or not what is happening is "right" so to speak or maybe my expectations happen to be too high. My mother just distinctly cannot offer any remote interest in the things that I enjoy when I talk about them. I don't think she was as like this when I was a kid, not to my memory at least. She likely just feigned enough interest when I talked about things I suppose.

I like silly things she finds trivial like cartoon shows and virtual pets and all that junk that's "for kids". I know she is not obligated to care; especially given I am now an adult. But regardless, it kind of hurts a little when I get excited to get something new or am gushing about them, I just get a flat "I don't care" straight to my face. Me rambling about my interests is a bit of an impulse that I can have trouble controlling too.

There's plenty more issues I could go on about but I'm not keen on typing that all out right now. Are my expectations too high though? I don't know.

i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting your mother to show interest in your hobbies. it's sad that she doesn't, it would obviously be best if she showed some support at least so you didnt feel this way. has this always been this way, or is it more recently? have you made attempts to show interest in knowing about things she's excited for or her hobbies? also i think it would be good to find some friends who already like some of the things you do. it would help you manage your expectations to how your mother reacts to things. if her reaction was bland but a friend of yours is super excited, it might not feel as bad.

sending u good vibes~

i'm not sure what advice I have, but I want to just express to you that you and your interests matter, and your mom saying "i don't care" is %100 not your fault and definitely is a personal problem that she needs to work out. I definitely understand being upset over her being uninterested, and I think this might be something you two should discuss. If I was in your shoes, my feelings would be hurt, especially with the bluntness. I would maybe try to join her in doing something she likes and when the time is right maybe you can bring it up to her if you believe she would be willing to listen. I am really hoping that you have a lot of support and friends with similar interests. It really hurts when a parent acts that way and you definitely need people to talk about this to. I'm on here sometimes so if you ever wanna shoot me a message we can be frands! I hope that your issue with your mother can be resolved peacefully, because the way you're feeling is absolutely valid. sending positivity and virtual hugs!!

This is always tough. There's so much confusion about what it means to enjoy games, cartoons, etc. as an adult. If it helps, I can remember my mother saying I was too old for cartoons and things and should stop collecting them and grow up. Then she discovered Miazaki and now understands that cartoons are just another way to tell a story. I can understand why her saying she doesn't care hurts and I think you need to step back from that. I don't know if this has anything to do with your expectations being too high. If anything, it feels more like you've both evolved as people and need to reconnect. It may be that she has other things to think about that she's not ready to share with you and her reaction is part of her handling the situation by asking for space to think. I don't agree with what or how she's saying it and this is pure speculation, but maybe giving her that space would help? It's natural to want to share things you love with your mother. You care for her and have a close bond. These topics make you happy and you want to share that feeling with someone you love. It's a shame she's not willing to see your enjoyment.

I agree with kingdomhearts5eva advice. Maybe look for people you can talk about these things with and share your passions with them. Being part of a group can help. Talk to you mother, when you feel ready, about her reaction to you interests. Just be ready to step back if things don't go too well. I had a simmilar experience with a member of my family. I told them that what they said to me mattered and hurt but they replied "Well, it shouldn't" making my reaction to their words the problem. No matter how I tried to explain it, they made it my problem, not theirs. Now, I was lucky in that the rest of my family took my side and made it clear to this person that what they said was hurtful and they needed to accept responsibility for their actions. They eventually understood but it took a while and I know not everyone will have the backup I did. Be sure you have someone you can talk to if the conversation doesn't go well and think about how you want to phrase it before you have the talk. Sometimes it can help if you think a bit about what you might say and how the person might respond.

Good luck in this and I hope it works out for you.

Sorry yall for the delayed response I forgot to subscribe to the thread and completely forgot about this post.

She just seems to be less interested in most things in general. Everyone in my house is varying levels of functionally depressed. Her hobbies are just TV and the occasional crossword puzzle. Hard not to give her a pass given how sunken into the mud we all are. It generally difficult to find anything we both enjoy these days with regards to actual activities. She likes horror movies but much of the content I like (although appropriately themed) is animated and she won't want to watch it because of that.

Its certainly hard to be able to join her in things when there's so few activities that she actually does that I'd be able to join in. I'm not all that interested in watching TV anymore which is most of what she does and she will be in bed around 630 to 7pm because shes the early bird and I'm a complete night owl. Our relationship certainly isn't bad but it definitely could be better, but these days most of the effort seems one sided. I even know exactly her response if I were to bring it up and it would be the whole "I'm tired" thing. Which yes is understandable but its this complaint with literally every single thing. She was too tired to sit and meditate with me... so yeah 😕

My mother doesn't need space to process what I'm trying to share because from what I can tell she doesn't care at all and would just rather NOT think than try to think about anything related to my silly little things. Not in some sort of malicious way but in some sort of "I don't have the energy or fuck to give towards anything that takes any mental effort" way. Probably just another symptom of depression because it extends to things as effortful as figuring out why the TV stopped working when I have showed her repeatedly how to fix it.

I definitely need to find spaces elsewhere to share my interests though that's for sure. A general lack of friends does no one any favors. Really all I have is my Fiance and his sister as friends and no one else really aside from some internet acquaintances. I'm hoping our vacation coming up will be worth it as a sort of reset for all of us.

oohhhh i see. that sounds so frustrating honestly and it sounds like you've really been trying on your end. I hope one day your mom can break through the exhaustion and give you some love and maybe even take more of an interest in what you like doing. Any relationship is a two way street, so hopefully she will start putting effort into the relationship like you have continually been doing. Have you tried to "match" her energy? Like, ok, if she doesn't care about me and she is literally saying that, then maybe I need to spend my energy elsewhere. It hurts, but if it ever starts taking a toll on your self esteem and mental health, it may be best just to step away in that case. She might also notice that and start to put in more effort. I have a therapist because of trauma with my family and my late mother, and she is a wonderful resource. She helps me see the situations my own mother and I have been through in a completely different, unbiased perspective. Also I will be your friend!! I need more friends myself, imma add you!

Thanks for the advice and the friend request!

I do actually mimic her attitude unintentionally and it always annoys her until I point out that she talks to me with the exact same tone. Shes still very embedded in the old adult/child dynamic where the expectation of respect is much heavier on those who are younger. So, it's fine if she acts a certain way but not if I do despite me also being an adult. And spending my energy on other things is almost all I do anyway as an introvert with peculiar interests. Just reading or gaming or consuming media by myself. It's not like it's out of the ordinary. The only attention I'd grab is if I just refused to respond or act like an ass, or maybe go somewhere and say nothing and don't text back, but I'm liable to give her a panic attack as she is very anxious over my wellbeing. 🤷‍♀️

Oh snap! What video games do you like to play? I'm a gamer myself! And I definitely feel that! my parents are/were boomers and their expectations vs reality of how we talk to each other has always been... questionable lol. So she gets worried sick over you and then the next day she'll say she doesn't care. How confusing, like I would legit be like "whaaat is going on" Honestly your situation seems really tough and frustrating. I wouldn't be really sure of what to do in that situation, so idk if anything I've said will help, but at least know that I empathize!!

Its more that she's worried sick over my wellbeing but couldn't give much of a care to most of my interests and the weird things I enjoy or like to do. Mostly anything and everything "childish" so all the games and toys and whatnot that I tend to hyper fixate on is just outside her scope of being willing to care when I want to infodump or excitedly show her what I got in the mail. All she does is watch medical dramas and sitcoms and murder mystery stuff and no actual hobbies or fixations like me unless you consider cleaning stuff or posting boomer memes on facebook a hobby. She likes when I make art but heavily overpraises me for it though, or when I create stuff in general with crochet.

As for games I'm a bit all over the place. The most recent games I've been playing is mostly Story of seasons a wonderful life (remake of my all-time favorite harvest moon) and Zelda tears of the kingdom. I also play animal crossing and all kinds of Mario games. Hard to specify as my list is LONG. for everything I've played. My biggest genres are animal crossing and farming sim games mostly harvest moon/Story of seasons (not the Natsume ones) and Stardew Valley. I've played almost all of the Zelda games that are out though because I adore a good adventure game or anything like Skyrim.

oh i see. I hope one day she can learn to be fully supportive of you and all of your interests. you deserve that!! I've never played harvest moon or zelda but i've heard that I need to give both a try! and honestly i probably will one of these days, especially when I'm able to get a switch! I have a ps4, I play a lot of final fantasy (7,10, and 15 so far) and I love kingdom hearts (if you can't tell my my name on here! lol) I find gaming is exactly what I need it to be, whether I wanna fight enemies to let go of anger, or just to chill out and let go of stress.

Oh nice! Hopefully when you have the money whatever new console or switch 2.0 is out for you to get! Preemptive warning from someone in the fandom here, the new series name for the games is actually Story of Seasons and not Harvest Moon as only the older titles (A new beginning and prior, 2013 and older) are from the same creators. The translator Natsume kept the rights to the name and churned out a ton of sub par games. From what I heard the MOST recent one is actually good, but many are severely lacking I highly suggest some of the remake versions like A Wonderful Life and Friends of Mineral Town. That's not to say some people didn't enjoy the game but from what I saw its a very bland copycat and Id much sooner tell someone to play Stardew as it has so much more heart and TONS of content and you can even mod it if using PC! Stardew might be better up your alley as its on multiple consoles and even has some minor combat elements in it as well and for only about 15$ still even despite the massive increase in content that had been added over the years. Ive played at least 1000 hours on PC and switch combined. Also its on PS4 😉

Oh, i see! That is definitely good to know, because I'm prone to starting franchises in the wrong order (kingdom hearts, that was a BIIIIG mistake, as that series is just so muddled anyway lol). I could probably get into stardew on PC for sure! Mineral Town??? Whyyyy does it sound so magical!! 0.o Thank you for these recommendations, I'm starting to get bored with the games I have so it's always nice to hear it from someone who has played the games rather than a boring ad lol.

It's not that you'd be playing anything out of order as all the games are complete standalones, but I'd hate for anyone to get the wrong impression of the games as a whole when playing some of the poorer made titles. Even one of the newest games from the original creators (Pioneers of olive town) I wouldn't really strongly recommend as I feel as though they dropped the ball when developing that one. Certainly, playable and enjoyable but greatly lacking in some amount of charm in my own personal opinion and some of the farming gets exhaustingly tedious for specific reasons (Not keen on weeding simulator, the weeds and farm debris respawn daily).

As for A wonderful life I could gush about it but I'm unsure if my nostalgia goggles gives me an unfair bias as ive played the original iterations and they were always my favorite. I will say however that is occasionally lacks new dialogue so lots of repetition BUT you basically play out the life story of the protagonist starting the farm and watch as yourself and the townspeople age and your child and the other children in town grow into adults. It's also one of the few that isn't "open ended" at the end of it although they did add a mode after the end of the story that allows you to continue farming indefinitely this mode also puts you back a few chapters and keeps you there forever. Some people apparently find the aging in the game scary somehow from some other forums I read but I like it myself. I guess most people take more comfort in a lack of change in a lot of these games.

I can understand that too! One of my good friends got me into KH and she was very specific what order I should play in to fully understand and appreciate the games (still confusing!) so that makes sense for sure. They put weeding in? LOL

That sounds really really nice, aw. I definitely wanna play A Wonderful Life. That just sounds so cute i love it idea of the game already! I relate to that for sure, I'm pretty sure that's the reason I rewatch shows over and over, because it's a source of comfort and i already know what's gonna happen. So I wouldn't be too upset with the repitition.

Sometimes our parents fail to give us the validation we need in some ways. Make sure you're surrounded by other people who validate you in the way you need to. We often expect our parents to be those people, but sometimes that's more than they can offer us. And we deserve to be able to move forward, accompanied by people who meet our needs for care, affection, attention, etc.