Ok so I'm not sure what's going on here with this guy I've been talking to, people in my life give me mixed answers, so I turn to you fine people of the internet!

So its a guy I've known for some years now. First time I attempted to date him (between exes 5 amd 6)we were in our 20s and he chose someone else without saying a thing to me. Second time (between exes 9 amd 10) things seemed good, but he ditched on me for living with my best guy friend at the time. He could've met him and seen nothing was going on but just vanished instead. This time (which if it fails will be THE last chance at something) so far we've been flirting lots through text. Met up for lunch the other day then suddenly the texts got less? Yet if I bring things up such as "if our situation changes you'd say something" seems to get IMMEDIATE worried responses. He says he's done with games and wants to settle in to something solid... like idk how to understand this. He says dating should be about finding a possible partner to marry, which I largely agree with. I just am not sure if he's messaging less because he now thinks he has me? But nothing has been said about actually dating/exclusiveness. He has come around this time and it's been about 3 years since my last boyfriend.

He does have kids and a demanding job (its a elderly care place, when people call out he can end up working extended shifts) so I already understand he likely has a pretty full plate. And I absolutely understand that having a phone doesn't mean he'll always be replying. But I'd think at least a couple check ins through the day? I find I'm messaging him more than he does me and I really am not glued to my phone. I feel confused and anxious about the situation.

I'm not sure what his dating past is like, we haven't really talked about such things yet. I'm also not sure he would talk about it much with me either, the closest is that he reassured me the kids mom isnt in the picture at all. My dating past has certainly left me with some defensive and self protection modes so idk if I could simply be reading too far into his lack of replying based on my past experiences. I feel like odds are high in an average day he's occupied with work, kids and their school activities, and being tired (I think we can all relate to the tired). He had to cancel a dinner date we had planned, so far the only one we have planned and we've been talking for a couple months now.

I've even asked him if there's things he'd like for me to know about him. His reply was I'd have to ask and wait for him to answer. So like I REALLY don't know if this is meaning a darn thing or if he's about to flake on me again.

On paper it seems like we'd be a good match. I'm taurus, he's libra. We both enjoy the same movie genres, video games, outdoor activities and foods. We both seem to be practical and understanding of situations. I get he wants to take it slow due to his kids, and I'd leave him behind in a heartbeat if I ever thought he wasn't taking care of them due to me (which he knows). I'd really like to think time and life events allowed for him to grow (it's been several years since we first even met). Every time he pops up I am always single and having just decided to myself I might consider dating again, or I should say this current time and the last time. It's so odd how that part has happened twice and I DON'T have him on social media at all so idk HOW he knows I'm single when I am.

As an outsider just looking in, there seems to be two possibilities:

Option 1: He doesn't want to be alone. One of those "I can't live if I'm not with someone" types. I get this feeling from the fact that he gets worried about you wanting to end interactions but won't actually make things official on his end. I've been with these types and know it all too well.

Option 2: He wants you to make things official. He wants you to ask him because he's scared or hesitant due to prior relationships. He might want to know you're serious.

My opinion? Ask to see him IRL, sit down with him (preferably in a public place, because I trust no one), and ask him straight up, "Do you want to officially date me, seriously and exclusively?" (under the assumption you are monogamous) If he hems and haws, ask, "If you want to be with me but don't feel like you can right now, what obstacles do you feel are standing in the way?" then offer solutions as to how to get over those obstacles and offer compromises (example: "I'm not sure how my kids will handle me dating"; "How about I meet them in a positive-feeling public place, like a park or the beach, and we take time for them to get to know me. We can take it slowly."). If he continues to hem and haw, dump him then and there. You don't have time to be strung along.