Hi, I know life has been crazy during the past couple of years, and that because of the pandemic, many things have been put on hold. Currently not only going back to finish my bachelor's and living on campus so that I could focus. Lately, I feel as if I have been going through a rut and have been feeling extremely depressed which either caused me to feel like I am really tired or that I absolutely cannot find the energy to be able to take care of things I need to do. It does not help that my social life is pretty nonexistent currently as there really is no opportunities to socialize and not many clubs to join which some are religious (which I am not due to not just my beliefs but also because I am LGBTQ). Also, it seems like some of the people I met have somewhat been pretty toxic due to being dramatic or dumping their problems onto me which I am not willing to be a part of. I am here to get back on track and better myself but lately has been really difficult due to not having any energy at all. How does one cope with this? I apologize if I it seems like a strange question to ask, but I really do not like this version of myself and feel I need to do something to overcome this. I really want to finish my degree but it I feel I need to make some changes if I want to finish. What should I do? I am about to look into possibly finding a therapist as I feel it would be best if I could work things out besides just taking medicine. But what should I look for when finding one? Thanks again and really appreciate any insight given!!

Going off to college could have played a roll in your current depression especially if this is your first time living alone and you're under the pressure of discovering yourself and how to live in this new situation. If you're in your freshman year, it could also be that you've gotten stuck with classes you don't like and are having trouble finding motivation for them. Maybe just in general the experience isn't what you had hoped?

That is more or less what I went through freshman year.

When I've looked for a therapist before, I have go through a list through my current insurance to see where I have coverage. It can take a while for you to get your first appointment, so unfortunately you'll have to be patient. Your college might also have therapists as part of it's health care system, who could be more accessible.

In lists of therapists, they generally have their areas of expertise included, such as depression/anxiety and LBBTQ issues. If you're a member of a minority it can also help to find someone who has a similar background to you since it's easier to relate specific issues to them. If they're in the same network, and you end up talking to someone scheduling you for an intake, that person may be able to tell you a little bit more about the different therapists' personalities.

The first session can be hard because they'll do some assessment work to see where you stand. This can bring up issues you've been holding in for a long time. It's okay to have boundaries though, and it might take you several sessions to feel more ready to open up.

Sometimes therapists are not a good match. If you feel it's not working, don't be afraid to tell your therapist that so you can try someone else. They are professionals and won't be offended.

Anything discussed in therapy is confidential except (at least in the US) if you plan to hurt yourself or if it's a matter of national security such as threatening to harm the president. Hopefully knowing about that confidentiality before hand makes it easier to open up when in therapy.

Hey, thanks so much for responding!! Yeah, actually I am a Junior currently as I just finished my associate degree at the community college just last year and currently living on campus in the dorms at my current university. Unfortunately, with the pandemic happening my life got really complicated which caused me to move out of my home state temporarily and ended up going to school in Colorado. Yes, I lived on campus back over there and made so many connections and friends but could not continue over there because out of state tuition made it expensive. I also remember I was going to be going to an RA and go on a study abroad trip as well but did not get to because my finances changed. I am having to take Freshman level courses as well as sophomore classes since most of my classes did not transfer from my community college to the University I am currently attending. However, the university I went to out of state took most of my classes and did not have to retake anything. The University I am at right now feels like it's pretty unwelcoming and that there is a lack of community there too. I have been going to classes and doing well but I do not feel challenged either which feels meaningless and does not motivate me to finish. The university I am at also does not have much to offer in the way of extracurriculars or opportunities to allow me the ability to grow or make connections which the majority are religious organizations (which I do not wish to be a part of as I am LGBTQ+ umbrella and many of those organizations seem to not be welcoming of people who are in that category)I have been really frustrated with my whole undergrad career so far and sometimes wish I could stop trying hard with it and pursue something else. I am trying to give it a chance as this is my first semester there and stick it out, but I feel like I might have made the wrong choice in where to finish my bachelor's. I also am concerned that I might not be able to make connections in order to land internships due to cultural differences or simply that I do not fit in at all over in that environment. I am already going to speak to a therapist in a couple of days to see why I am feeling the way I am but maybe I should transfer too somewhere else? I feel like I should not have left Colorado and being back in my home state leaves a sense of dread in me. I also want to be smart with my decisions as being hasty only led to some pretty negative consequences in the past and do not want a repeat. Am I wrong or selfish to feel the way I do?

I apologize if it sounds like I am venting but I really feel like I do not know what I am doing and need to figure something out soon. I did consider taking time off of university and serving time at Conservation Corps which they really did want me to be a part of this Fall but unfortunately was unable to go because of a situation that took place that prevented me from going. (I am strongly considering this as they not only have educational grants but would help give me a sense of direction. They are willing to still take me for next year, so maybe that's a possibility?) What are your thoughts on this? I will make an update once I speak with the therapist in a couple of days and see what happens. Thanks for your help and appreciate it!!

Interesting you should mention Colorado. I actually went to CSU and live in the state currently. Did you like living in the Colorado?

It's great that you've got a therapy appointment coming up and I hope that you can work through some of your issues. It sounds like you're in a toxic school environment and a state that's more right-wing which can be very difficult on someone who's LGBTQ+. While I'm sure your situation is a great part of your depression, you'll probably still carry it with you wherever you are. I think if you had the ability to go somewhere you feel more comfortable it would help, but not get rid of your depression.

I actually had what was more or less a conservation corps job as my first after graduating from CSU. It was more of a solo internship, but yes, that might be a good entry point if you're willing to put up with things like long hours, hot temperatures etc. Some people do enjoy the physical challenge and a day of manual labor will give you a good night's sleep like nothing else. The hard part is keeping that up for long periods of time. I will say that for me, my education award was only something like $3,000, which could pay for a community college in the area, but is definitely not enough for somewhere like CSU. On the other hand, that sounds like you could get an opportunity to head back to Colorado if you sign up with a conservation corps located here. My job this past summer was doing something similar, albeit not actually with a conservation corps. I do have a few tips about how to handle summer heat and the like. I don't know if you were here in the summer at all, but it can get pretty hot. Depression does make you more vulnerable to heat exhaustion for whatever reason. This is a problem I ran in to myself during the summer.

You've said you've already got an Associate's Degree. That's already something. Depending on what it's in, that could really help you on the job front. If it's something like natural resources, then you really don't need a Bachelor's immediately to get an entry level position in that field, such as with a conservation corps that would likely only require a high school diploma. Particularly since many community colleges classes tend to be very applicable.

As for getting internships or jobs, it definitely is easier to look locally if you have a place to stay, but if you are worried about not getting chosen because of company culture then you'll likely be miserable in the job even if you put on a good enough act to get it. I know in modern society that the employer is given far more control, and with the economy being the way it is it's hard to push back at all if you're financially desperate, but interviews are an opportunity for you to gauge the employer too.

To finish things off, I don't think you're being selfish or anything. It took me the longest time to accept any help at all. You're already way ahead of me on that front.