I was prompted to make this by a topic about anon giftboxes in site feedback.

Currently, users only have the option to disable gifts from non-friends. This does not disable anon giftboxes - your friends can still send you anon gifts. Anon giftboxes can be a source of discomfort and anxiety for many users, both those sending and receiving gifts. You don't know if your anon gift is going to make someone uncomfortable and that does put a damper on anon gifting. Someone else just might not want any gifts whatsoever (ex. for Luminaire, or their birthday), so they'd probably appreciate a way to disable all incoming items and giftboxes.

So I'm proposing more gift and item blocking options: Allow anon giftboxes. Allow items/giftboxes from friends only. Allow no items/giftboxes at all.

I'm using items and giftboxes together because the options to opt out (imo at least) should be condensed together and should filter any site feature that allows users to send items to other users (like the Arctic Frost Gift Center, the place where you insert sP and someone's username and the site sends them a random item). I don't know if it currently already works that way, though. Tested, it does not block items sent via the GC's sP-for-gifts option. It does, however, block direct sending of items from your inventory.

Tested it by giving you an item through the random thingy. Did it say who I was?

I do think they should be consolidated.

I've had gifts from non-friends disabled for months now. They're still disabled, but it still went through. Thanks for helping with testing it out!

more control over gifts would be nice, yes pls

do you know if blocking non-friend gifts also blocks items sent from the item use menu?

I double checked my friends list one by one to see if it's a matter of you showing up on my list but me not showing up on your list. It really does seem to have bypassed your filter.

I tried to send a and I got the message that they don't accept gifts from non-buddies.

oh cool, at least it covers that. weird that it doesn't block the gift center's sp option, hopefully they'll at least fix that part o;

Edit: Read edit.

I do support the following toggles: > Only allowing gifts from friends > Not allowing gifts at all

I also think that the gift center sP-to-item feature should align to the no-gifts-from-nonfriends toggle.

I do not support the following toggles: > Not allowing anon gifts from anyone

So, taking away the arguments of why someone would want to send a gift anonymously, as well as why someone wouldn't want to receive an anon gift - something about this proposed suggestion rubs me the wrong way. For me, it feels a little like "beggars can't be choosers." Like, you're saying you want the gift? But only if you can dictate how it's given? That just feels a little rude.

There are already rules on site where if someone is being harassed via the gift center, it's a reportable offense. So if you get an anon gift, it should never contain a "bad" thing such as nasty note, or nasty item. If it does- then someone's getting banned.

It just feels like, if getting anon gifts bothers you so much, then just turn off all gifts. (Assuming that becomes an option.) You(collective) shouldn't be forced to receive an anon gift, no matter your reasoning. But it goes both ways - you shouldn't be able to force gifters into revealing themselves if they don't want to.

And yes, I know nothing is strong-arming a gifter into sending a gift after they discover they can't send it anon, but just as you want controls on how to receive gifts, I still want controls on how to send a gift too. It just feels like it's stepping backwards a bit, since this has been gift-center functionality since the beginning.

I'm really trying not to sound callous, but for me, it boils down to this - you(collective) should either accept the gift you are given, or you shouldn't accept anything at all.

(Sorry if I come off too strong. I really am quite open to conversation on the topic. This subject definitely isn't something I'm dead-set on. As I said, it just rubs me the wrong way a little bit. I think my argument makes it sound a little too "my way or the highway" which isn't my intention, but I'm struggling to convey it more appropriately.)

[edit] Additional edit. I know I'm coming off a bit strong, and I preemptively apologize. My intentions are not to make people feel uncomfortable, but rather to try to voice my dissenting views in a constructive / fleshed out way. I feel like 99% of the time, I'm the type to find favor in suggestions of this vein - lowish impact, helps a smallish number of users, but doesn't impact my personal experience. Just this one seems to plant a little itch in my brain that I can't fully comprehend.

After discussing with some other folks, I think this suggestion is fine. The gift center is suppose to be a kind feature- not something to stress someone out. So have at it. Be merry.

Full support for all the gifting options.

I did read the edit, and you still seem upset by it all.

I'm all for anon gifting - receiving or sending. I like getting anon gifts because to me they are low stress. I can give a thank you through the anon gifting thread, if I want, or just ignore it. I don't feel obligated to the gifter in any way because when I send an anon gift, I do it so the receiver doesn't feel obligated.

For some people, though, it seems they do feel obligated. They are stressed by the inability to complete the "gifting" social contract. I don't want to hurt people by sending gifts, I don't want them to feel bad. If anon gifts hurt them, but they are pleased by named gifts, then I'm totally happy for them to have the option to turn off anon gifting, but still receive named gifts.

They are not forcing me to send a named gift. When I run into the block, I can then choose to not send the gift. They aren't rejecting my gift or me, they are protecting themselves. As it stands now, the anon gifter has all the control and the receiver has none. These proposed options would help balance that out.

You mention people being able to report harassing or nasty anon gifts, but these people feel this way about "normal" anon gifts. The anon gifter is doing a nice thing, but its not perceived that way by the receiver and they can't report that. I don't want to accidentally harass people!

My edit was meant to be sincere and not sarcastic, and I'm sorry that it came off that way! I do support this- mostly because of the issues you highlighted. I wanted to keep the emotional aspect of receiving anon gifts out of my argument, because I definitely feel differently than some of the other posters (I am all for getting anon gifts.) That being said, the emotional aspect is too closely tied to this discussion, for better or worse. And me saying no to the suggestion is then linked too much to saying, "no, you have to suffer." And that's just not fair to anyone. I know my initial/gut feelings were illogical, which bothers me more than the actual issue at hand. :P And making people unhappy for no strong reason is really shitty of me to even consider.

Yeah, I had a bit of a hard time with it too. Writing it out helped me put my own negative feelings to bed.

I also immediately jumped to feeling guilty and defensive - how many people had been bothered by my gifts? That's the big one that made me support the suggestion, I don't want to feel that way again. :)

That's a really good way of thinking about it! I think some of my feelings probably stem from the same train of thought. Thank you for sharing!

I was lurking and didn't want to post anything then because I wasn't in the best emotional state last night, but this sums it up well.

I understand why people would get defensive and I also understand that anon gifters don't send their gifts with the sheer purpose of giving me anxiety, or making someone else feel guilty. The majority of anon gifts are well-intended! Unfortunately, brains are weird little things that don't always cooperate.

Me, I don't like getting anon gifts. I remember getting an invite a while back to a forum story game via an anon giftbox. It left me really really anxious and uncomfortable because I was not interested or able to take part. Because I didn't know who the gifter was, I was forced to post on the topic despite my rattled mental state in order to let the gifter know they should not rely on my participation and that they should avoid gifting me as the story progresses.

The person running it contacted me after that and we've talked about it. There's no bad blood between us and I'm not mad at them - they were just trying to run a fun forum game! But I still feel bad. I still feel like I've gone and ruined someone's harmless fun because I had to step out there among all these people having fun with the story and publicly say "thanks for the gift but sorry, I'm not going to participate". But if I hadn't stepped out, I can only assume that I would have likely continued to receive the story snippets which would, in turn, just turn me off from being on the site.

It was just a really uncomfortable, unfortunate and unfortunately timed situation for both of us that could have been easily avoided if toggling anon gifts was an option. :/

I'm all about this. Thanks.

Subeta, rightly imo, does not filter or censor and leaves it up to users to do that for themselves if they find certain aspects of the site to be disturbing to their personal preferences as mentioned in threads for NPC's like Major Drills (abusive speech behavior) or the guy at the Job Center (smoking) as well as threads about all the 'gross' food items on site and the like. They put the onus on the user to use what the site has or what others have made to moderate their own content instead of trying to force that moderation on others, so I do find it a bit strange that we don't have the option to completely disable receiving gifts and there are certain gift-giving methods that can bypass the current filters that are available and I do think this should totally be a thing. For some people, for whatever their personal reasons are, it's a thing and I am in full support of the tools being officially available for people who want to use them no matter why because it ties back in to moderating your own content; it's easier to provide the tools to block gifts and avoid any anxieties or other issues than to try and tell others to not give you gifts if that's a thing you prefer.

it's almost time for the big gift-y season again, so more options for control w/r/t gifts would be nice :0

Stupid question: How do we block lumi gifts again?

You have the option to turn off gifts once the trees are available.

How ironic you should be the one to tell me that! LOL

oh man full support q v q both for more gift blocking options and for an option to just block anon gifts (but still allow other gifts)

If it were me; I'd disable all form of gifting as long as we can opt in and opt out of it.

You have my full support.