I am an English speaking person, but writing English is not my strong point. Could anyone help me with my story?

“Der.” She yelled, throwing her hand out while he was being yanked backwards towards a vortex. He ran and ran, but could never get close to the figure, he could see her through the mist, throwing his hand out he heard himself shout. ”Rosa!” before everything went dark. He woke with a start as a small tongue licked his muzzle. “Cereza, stop.” He grumbled shaking his massive head while it rattled the medallion he wore around his neck. He long since forgot his real name, taking the name of Saiyukee or Sai for short. Sai recalled how the little creature just walked up to him and looked at him with its hazel eyes as if to say ‘I have been waiting for you’ He could of bit it’s head off at any time, but something stopped him. He sniffed its black fur and determined that it was a she. He closed his eyes as the small cat brushed up against his chest and batted the medallion. He snapped at her retreating tail as he growled, sure he had drove her off. Over the next couple of years, the he and the little cat would repeat the ritual of her batting at his medallion, when he awoke, and him trying to bite off her tail, until one day the little cat didn’t show up when awoke. Sai’s furrowed his brow with concern, getting up to his feet and listened, at once he heard a small cry and a wicked laugh. ”Give me that Spyte. I’m going to get a good chunk of sP.” Sai slunk up and saw a strange creature with a white skull threatening a small red and blue Terracoon who was standing in front of the small cat. “No.” The Terracoon sniffed whipping a tear away. “The kitty dosen’t like you.” The thing went to hit the small one when Sai stepped out into the light and growled.” I think you should get away from my little brother and my cat.” The creature turned around and saw the white wolf and decided to leave them as fast as possible. The little Terracoon ran up and hugged Sai. “Thank you.” Sai smiled and nodded while the small cat came up and rubbed up against him and batted his medallion again, this time he smiled, closing his eye,and the image of a little girl with black hair and glasses came into his mind. “Cer…Cereza..” Sai mumbled to which the cat just blinked and nodded as if to say yes. “Well I guess you can stay around.”

main points to keep in mind:

• if a piece of dialogue ends with a period but is followed by a dialogue tag (ex: he said, she yelled), the last period should be replaced by a comma, and the first letter of the dialoge tag should be lowercase. for example, "Der." She yelled... would become "Der," she yelled...

if the dialogue tag comes before the dialogue, the tag should end with a comma. so ...he heard himself shout. "Rosa!" becomes ...he heard himself shout, "Rosa!"

• more paragraph breaks will make it easier to read. begin a new paragraph every time a different character speaks, as well as when there are changes in action, ideas, themes, or time.

• there is some tense confusion. it's clear enough that the first paragraph is a memory of something that happened prior to the beginning of the second; the next few sentences seem to also be memories, but are written in the same tense as what the reader is to consider the "present," which then continues into events still in the past but after a significant time skip. at first i thought parts were supposed to be read as also taking place in the present; it wasn't until i read over it a few times that i understood the timeline events were taking place on. i think paragraph breaks and some tense changes would help.

Thank you so much. I'm thinking of taking a writing course to get better. I will revise the story with ideas you said.