Pet's story and feedback
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Hi there, I'm not a great writer but I do want my pet's story to be at it's best. I'm looking to improve my story telling and it would be great to get some feedback so I can work and improve my writing.
His story is mainly being a well provided father to his two children and wife as a noble weapons and armour maker in the Renaissance era
wow, your story is quite interesting. I think it still needs some polishing here and there, adding more details perhaps... but i'm new to story telling myself, so I wouldn't know how to help. I liked how the story has a happy ending for everyone :)
May i suggest a few corrections that stand out to me?
" I am physical capable" >>>>> " I am physically capable"
"and keep a roof under our head." >>>>>>>> "and keep a roof over our head."
"teach my sons that life lesson." >>>>>> "teach my sons that life lesson as well."
"and I was back to my family" >>>>>> "and I was back with my family"
"The other orders we got was pushed back" >>>>>>>> "The other orders we got were pushed back"
"I made sure the quality of all the weapons and armours were the top." >>>> "I made sure the quality of all the weapons and armors was top notch."
The entire day we worked but was only able to make 20 swords, 10 battle axes, 5 pair of amour and 5 helmets. We still have 80 swords to go, 40 battle axes to go, 15 pair of amour and 15 helmets. " >>>>>>>> "We worked the entire day and managed to make only 20 swords, 10 battle axes, 5 armors complete with 5 helmets. We still had 80 swords, 40 battle axes, and 15 armors with 15 helmets to go."
"finished packing the King's order of our products" >>>> " finished packing the King's order."
my suggestions should only make the story sound a little more natural in English [i can tell you're not a native speaker, but it's ok, i'm not one either. i just write a lot in english, for 7 years now, so i could say im near fluent] If there are more mistakes to correct perhaps other users will be kind to help out.
I really have to update my blog ObscureJourney and my review site BeingObscure. French speakers can read my reviews here.