Hi there. So I write poetry/lyrics from time to time and well... I'd like to hear an opinion or, much better, some constructive critique on my writings. So there go two poems (kind of) of mine:

Laying on the sun burnt shore And by the gleaming waters of the so calm sea, My Nymph is free from every chore - That in her radiant eyes the Helios can see.

Naiad unfettered and jolly she is, Which with her spell she banishes the gloom Of every drop of mist or storm within - Then in her eyes the Psyche comes to full bloom.

Her locks with bronze fall into waves Adorning her bewitching shoulders and her neck, Her spirit cries and her heart craves - What in her placid eyes the Eros wakes.

Eyes sunk, a witch Is lying on the smoke haunted bed And counting the demons they have fed, Eyes sink more than the buried dreams. Kissing the switch - Hands growing through the bloody legs, But not of spider knitting up its web, Not meant for any ritual nor any spell. Fell in a ditch And chained the ankles, chained the tongue, But not with sigils carved to prolong (whichever agony or joy). My sorrows stay with my dead soul.

I like the one with the rhyme scheme. c:

The second one is nice too, I like the imagery. Was that one supposed to rhyme too? Some of it, does, but not all... I find that kinda slightly jarring because of the bit of inconsistency.

Hope this helps!

Thank you! ^__^

Yeah, it was supposed to rhyme, but it didn't work out :P