There will be a tl ; dr.

There's this guy I really like. I met him on on Facebook. I always said I would never fall for a guy long distance or one with a kid (I've never wanted to deal with drama with the ex). But it's different I'm willing to try a LDR and look past the fact he has a kid. In fact, I think his son is totally adorable. The biggest problem is the distance. He lives in Kansas and I live in Delaware.

So I should probably give a back story. I broke up with my ex almost a year ago. I was convinced I wouldn't meet a good guy. So I focused on school. I graduated in May with honors. Back in February, I met M through the Dork Side Facebook Group. I thought he was really cute and really nice but I didn't put much thought into him. Too many papers and too much stress. We chatted here and there and he friended me. We started flirting a lot. I became friends with this girl, E. I told her I was starting to form a crush on M but didn't want him to distract me from school. She said to just keep flirting and things would fall into place. So, I did and I finally graduated school. M and I started talking more but most through comments. He has a demanding job with rotating shifts, so I feel weird about messaging him. I also try not to comment too much or like his posts too much because I'm scared I'll come off too strong.

Back in the beginning of July, I had a giant kidney stone that put me in the ER for almost 10 hours. I posted I was in the ER. The following day M messaged me asking what happened and how I was doing. He told me he was really worried about me all night. I told him I was fine and thanked him for his concern. We started chatting more, even through IMs.

A few days later, I befriended another girl in the group, J. She seemed like a nice girl. But when talking with her, I found she had a lot of problems. She messaged me asking if I liked M. I told her I did and she started pressuring me into telling him I liked him "before someone else makes a move". At the end of July, I sent him a picture of Spider Man saying , "You. I like you". He said he liked the picture and we chatted for a bit before he had to get off because he son wanted to play on his phone. We talked again the following day but I was at work and it was a pretty short conversation. I started to wonder if he understood I had told him I liked him or if he thought I like him as a friend.

After that, things have slowed down. I haven't really been posting because I'm learning Russian and studying for the GRE. And, my ex reached out to me and asked to take me out as a friend because he felt bad for the way he treated me. Since all I do is sit at home, I agreed and I went out on a friendly date with him. I had told J about the date and how it didn't mean anything because I just wanted to get out of the house for a night. Yesterday, M had made a funny post. Because I was studying, I didn't comment but when I was taking a break, I went back to the post only to see J hardcore flirting with him. It honestly felt like someone punch me in the chest. I decided just to ignore it but it put me in a really bad mood for the rest of the day. I woke up this morning still wanting to rip someone's face off so I decided to message J to telling her she really hurt me. She replied with, "How am I supposed to know? You said you were getting back with you ex, so I assumed you were moving on from M." I told her I said I wasn't getting back with my ex and just wanted to go out for a night. I told my ex that and he understood. Then I told her that I thought about M during the whole date and how I wished I was with him instead. She basically belittled me and said, "You can't claim someone who isn't yours." Which is true but I operate under the old rule "Friends don't hit on friend's crushes", which I told her. I decided I didn't need her negativity in my life and unfriended her. She blocked me. Whatever. Don't care.

So, that leads me to this. I know I need step up my game but I don't know how. I don't know how to approach a guy on the internet (I have a hard enough time in real life). I often worry I am bothering him. He has never told me I'm bothering him and he said he likes talking to me. But I'm just super nervous. I really like him and we have a lot in common. I just can't get over my fear of bothering him. E has told me several times he is probably waiting for me to message him. And now I'm super nervous that J messaged and told him what I said to her about how shitty it was of her to flirt with him right in front of me. I just don't know what to do. So, I'm coming to my safe place, Subeta.

tl ; dr I met a guy who lives halfway across the country. I'm shy and don't know how to talk to him even though I know he likes talking to me. A girl I thought was my friend flirted with him and I got super jealous/ angry. Ended the friendship and now I want to step up my game but don't know how.

I really hope all that makes sense. I know I'm terrible at my tenses. Worst part of my writing.

Pings because I know this thread will need them

I never had good relationships and I only dated girls (mostly) so I'm not really sure what I can do here.

From what I can see, you really like M but you have things that are holding you back: coming on too strong, fear of being a bother, the LDR itself and the concerns about the backstabbing friend.

You've known M for 7 months or so? Have you seen any type of hint or special moments coming from him when you guys were talking and flirting? Have you guys seen each other? Have a phone call?

J is right, he isn't yours. It's a really shitty move tho, especially because she assumed that 1) you were getting back with your ex 2) she could have told you she was interested in him too. How did she meet M? Has M been the same flirty persona to her?

I'd take a moment to contemplate the whole board here. I'm not accusing M of being easy, but I don't want you to get hurt either.

I'm a really blunt person and, when I woman up, I tell bluntly that I like someone. I respect the fact that it is harder for you. But I do think that you wouldn't come off strong if you told him "we've been chatting for awhile and I really like you and appreciate you. I'd like to know how you feel about me and our friendship? Do you feel like it could go beyong?" Or something.

that's why i collect relationships and never keep them ;___;

I'm pretty sure I have a phobia of being rejected. I know rejection is a part of life but it's gotten worse with each guy and job rejection.

We once talked about having a date. It involved Mexican take out and watching Mystery Science Theater 3000. We both agreed it sounded like the perfect date.

We all have met through the Dork Side Group. She lives in California.

I've seen him be flirty with other girls, but it hasn't been as extensive as he is with me. I think he is one of those guys who knows he is good looking. I don't want to get hurt either but I think I'm too far invested in this not to get hurt

I really wish I was woman enough just to bluntly tell him I like him. Thinking about it makes my stomach churn

I'm not implying you're not "woman enough" to tell him directly. We have different personalities and ways to approach the subject.

I really have no idea how you could let him know. Maybe asking if you guys were to meet, what he would do?

Oh no, I didn't think you were. Everyone approaches relationships differently. I wish I was strong enough to be so blunt.

That's an idea. I even wanted to ask if we were to meet, where we would. I had thought New Orleans. It seems to me in between. Problem is, I'm struggling to find a job and he is a single dad.

Phobia or not, being rejected blows. I've been rejected a handful of times and it's no fun, but it's up to you to decide whether the benefits of a relationship with this guy outweigh the potential for being rejected. If you really enjoy talking to him, maybe meeting him face to face would be a good first step somehow, if possible? It's really hard to say whether online chemistry carries over to real life or not. I've been there from both sides - I've met people online who were awful up close and personal, but on the other hand, I met my soulmate and now girlfriend of 2 years online. Meeting him in person could be really helpful in making the decision, and it might even be easier to admit your feelings face to face!

I would honestly tell him how you feel and explain the situation to him. I know rejection blows, but the hope of being with that guy and waiting such a long time to tell him blows too. But if you see J take him away from you, that will hurt even more than not getting a chance to explain to him. If he rejects you, then you are free to explore a different path and find someone that will love you all the same. I met a guy in middle school that was already in high school. I passed hints around to him that I liked him but never had the guts to say it to his face. I ended up telling him how I felt about 6 or more months after we started to talk. He rejected me because "His friends didn't like me." (He's now married with a beautiful wife, I'm not even salty about it though, good for him.) After that we stopped hanging out and I eventually moved on. I am now with a guy for two years now, and couldn't be happier. I'm so glad that rejection happened because I found a great guy out of it. Rejection doesn't mean the end of the world. :)

I met my boyfriend online like did, off of a dating website. :P

I would just tell him plain that you fancy him and see what happens. Either he'll reciprocate, need some time to digest this info, or turn you down. All of these are things that are hard in different ways but can and will be survivable.

There's the idea of sending him a message rather than confess anything in real-time. It gives you a chance to proofread and consider your words and phrasing before sending it off and then going to distract yourself with something else until you're feeling the nerve to check for responses.

I'm in a LDR that started online as well and it all began six years ago because she was bold enough to say she liked me and it gave me the chance to say I like her too. :] It works out! You just gotta go for it.

I agree with everything said. I may be biased, since I'm the GF of which she speaks, but she does speak the truth <3 💋

I agree I need to tell him how I feel. And soon. I just don't know how to word it. I don't want to just say, "I have a giant crush on you". Any advice on how to word the message?

I would love to meet him in person but I'm really tight on money right now. So many bills and not enough money to pay for them. Pus, he lives in Kansas and I live in Delaware.

And and you two are so cute. That's why I wanted your advice.

Thank you all for your time. I really appreciate it.

Why not? Tbh, I'm not a native speaker, so maybe I'm wrong, but telling that you've got a crush doesn't sound desperate. It sounds kind of fun, like "I've got a crush, why not, can we try?". Yes = cool, no = too bad, could've been nice.

I mean, for me "having crush", even a giant one, doesn't sound as serious as "like" or "being in love" (duh), but, again, not a native speaker...

I had a friend help me word it. I told him, "This is super hard for me but here goes. I like you. You might just be looking for friendship, but I think that we would turn this into something more. Even though it would be a long distance relationship, I think we would make it work"

Omg what did he say? ❤

He hasn't said anything yet. Doesn't even look like he has opened the message. But I do remember him saying he was having issues with his messages the other night

That seems fishy to me. Any other way to contact him?

No. There have been times in the past it's taken him a day or two to respond. He works a job with rotating shifts and he is a single parent.

Or he just doesn't know how to respond because he doesn't feel the same way. Honestly, I've pretty much have numbed myself in case it doesn't go my way. Whatever happens, happens. I put myself out there and I am proud of myself for doing it.

I'm glad you did it tho. No matter what happen, you did good.

Here's wishing you the best! The message that you went with seems like a good one. Good luck!

Thank you both. I am proud of myself. It was really hard coming up with the words. Whatever happens now is out of my hands. At least I told him how I felt.

As of now, he still hasn't looked at the message. I'm trying not to think about it but my best friend, from E from the group, and my friend who helped me write the message said try not to stress about it since he does work rotating shifts and is a single dad.

Hopefully you hear something about it soon!