...that all my relationships are very superficial and fake. Like, I don't wanna overshare but I essentially just don't have anyone that makes me feel valued at all? The people in my life now only want to be around me when I'm in a good mood and will either run or get angry at the first sign of me not feeling okay. Which... I guess is fine... but I've been going through a lot and I wish I had some kinda support. I mean, I wouldn't want to make anyone feel obligated to comfort me or anything... but the feeling that I can't be honest about how I'm feeling w/o being a burden or possibly losing everyone is really wearing on me...

I believe if you want make the difference, you have no choice to be brave and be honest and open between your friends when you feel yourself not always happy and outgoing.

The change is big you could lose some of your current friends, but the ones who still want to be your friend you could trust better.

(I realize by myself what it truly means to have got just one or two friends for your whole life. Big change just a few ones stay your friends wether you mood would be at time to time and the only way to get a less "superficial" social life o_0).

Right now I only have about 3 friends haaaa. :/ The stuff that's got me feeling bad and stressed had me lose a ton of friends I honestly thought cared about me. And I've seen how all my remaining friends react to me being anything but fun and goofy. Since everyone knows my tea, I can't exactly make new friends easily either... try as I might. I don't really know what my options are except for wait until I have the financial stability to move and then start over... which probably sounds overly dramatic w/o context, but that might just be how it is. More than anything, I guess I want to know some good to cope w/ loneliness + being potentially abandoned. I've been notoriously bad at coping in productive/non-self-destructive ways in the past.

The question is whether it is important to have more than three friends, or may be not? I think three friends is still quite a lot. But that's my little opinion.

If I understand you correctly from your post, you are afraid to lose them too if you show more yourself as you really feel?

You're in the ball-park. Sorry if I'm not conveying this all w/ enough clarity. My, like, three remaining friends are the ones I'm complaining about, the ones who ditch me when I'm not doing so well + only want to be around me when it's fun.
So three "friends," one of which being my roommate. Zero non-shallow friendships.

- It is very hard to find friends that actually will be with you through thick and thin.

Is there some sort of group in your area that meets for something that you enjoy (i.e. a book club)?

What is your opinion about a friendship with more deepness? How can I get from this a concrete picture from your view about?

Do you meant a friendship with more deepness allows also the less pleasant details from the nature of each other? Or specific interests? Or just more serous subjects instead of small talk? Or more space for share experiences? Or maybe something else?

The perception like abstact concepts of deepness or superviciality are by each human very different in detail. Supervicial or deepness are relative concepts, so I try to understand what those concepts meant for you personal.

In this instance, I'm referring to the fact that all my friends only want to be around me in a scenario where I'm being fun and happy, and do not stick around when I'm well, in need of a friend. It's really just as I've said before and I'm not really sure what to say aside from that.

Yeah. It's been a bit tough. :( And there are clubs at my university. I am actually on the eboard of one, though everyone who attends sort of has a life of their own and time in the club is spent doing outreach, meetings, etc. I'm a bit anxious to meet new people too since I've recently started transitioning, which has a bit to do w/ my recent desire for support/attention... a lot of people know me by my "old identity" and/or would have assumptions about my identity based on how I look. Not to mention, I've had people not react well to this. That might be a good idea for when I'm more stable + in a new environment though! :0

On that case I believe you are the onley one to make a difference for yourself.

It's nice when your friends know you as funny and happy, but you can onley be sure if they are true friends or just supervicial known persons, when you dare to show also your worries to them. Maybe they will even appreciate that when you show your trust in them to tell them about your more serious subjects.

As I said several times before: when I've tried to, they only reacted badly.

, Well if I approach your topic on a more general way in a big line, there could be two reasons possible why they react badly to you.

A They don't understand you, or worser, they understand you wrong. In general the fact is very common people think they understand one another, and this is actually not the case.

B You join a culture where you can not really feel confortable. It appears also very often in general between people who are not really get the chance to be themselves as individual in a group it doesn't fit by their persona.

I know how you feel. I recently moved to Japan, and it's incredibly disheartening to see every other foreigner instantly make tons of friends (with each other and with natives) but I've only managed to make one reasonably close friend, who is leaving in three weeks. I have one friend back in the US, but it's unlikely we'll ever live near each other again. The only person in Japan that I talk to frequently (besides the one leaving) is usually very cruel to me--especially when I am feeling bad--so I'm limiting our communication, but it's difficult to know you're so alone...

I recently realized that, even though I wanted to completely separate myself from my family when I was a teenager, they're pretty much the only ones who act like they even give half a thought about me. It's made me appreciate and love them so much.

My solution has just been to hang out with people and purposefully keep it superficial. They don't care about me, so why should I care about them? Why should I sacrifice my focus and my emotions to comfort someone who refuses to do the same to me? At the same time, I don't need to sacrifice my social life or my ability to explore just because I can't find real connections with people. You can use them the same way they are using you. I tried devoting my all to them, to give them real advice and commiserate when they discussed their problems, but to continually just be shut down when I tried to bring up mine in times of need... It wasn't worth it. If they won't treat you with respect, don't treat them with any. That doesn't mean be rude or cruel--just keep your real self to yourself.

relationships as in friends or significant others? i'm so sorry that you feel that way. sometimes i feel like i waste my time with people, but you will tell when someone doesn't want to lose you, and their feelings for you are genuine.

if you ever need someone to talk too, i'm a really good listener. please send me a message if you ever need something!