So I work in a daycare/preschool, and in my class I have 3-4 year olds. Obviously they can be little shits, but one of the girls is a lot more defiant than the others. We'll call her Jill I guess? Anyway, I"ve only worked in the daycare for a few days, so I don't know much about her or her family. Jill is about four, and one of the harder kids to manage. She throws 'silent' tantrums, where she refuses to do what she's asked like to get in line or put a book away. She'll also run around the classroom and taunt the teachers. The issue really is that there doesn't seem to be any sort of punishment that gets to her. Putting her in the 'time out' area doesn't work because she'll run off, and simply carrying her places doesn't work either because she starts to hit. Talking to her doesn't work, she refuses to listen.

I guess like my question really is how do I handle her? I don't have any kids of my own and while i understand little kids are gonna be dicks sometimes I don't really know how to handle her. her bad behavior spreads to other students and its stressful to work with her. I know she isn't a bad kid. From what I know she used to be a perfect listener and so on, her behavioral issues started not too long ago. All I know about her home life is that she bounces from her mom's house to her dad's house each week. Things might be chaotic at home and whatnot, but how should I handle a kid that doesn't respond to any sort of punishment or talking to?

I dont know if this is worded properly, or if it makes a lot of sense. I don't think I gave nearly enough details about the situation. I just want to be able to help her and make sure her preschool/daycare environment is safe and well structured.

A lot of child misbehavior has to do with what is going on internally. Since her parents are divorced, she does not get the individualized attention from both parents at the same time and lacks in that parental support that both can provide while working together. It seems she dealing with being a product of divorce, my sisters and me went through it. So, it seems like she is dying for attention and gets it by causing a scene. That's what a lot of kids act up, even if the attention is negative, it is still attention.

I have worked at multiple day cares, art camps, summer camps, karate camps, and the best thing to do is pull them aside and ask what is going on. Seem friendly and open to them. Kids are not dumb. They are very smart and feed off of the energy a person can give. Show them some respect and mutual understanding. Punishment should be the last resort in most cases. Talk to her, kneel down, look her in the eyes, and let her know you are there for her. Most importantly talk to her about her behavior and that it is not appropriate. Pulling up her behavior should be last so she can see that even though you are there for her, she should not let that behavior go without noticing. Pulling her aside should not be in front of everyone, but make it nonchalant.

Hope this helps! A lot of cases are different, especially since every one is obvs different! Good luck!

I agree with everything Lavy said, but with a contributing factor that the parents might possibly feel guilty about the divorce and don't strike down as hardly on her behavior because they just want her to be happy when she's at home. That's just speculation though. Additionally, if you deem it necessary, consider conferring with your colleagues about it, what they think should be done to help Jill. Other employees at a workplace such as this can be considered a regular gold mine of experience sometimes, and maybe someone has a good idea that could be tried. Also do you have opportunities to bring your concerns up with the parents? Maybe a talk with them can further enlighten what's going on at home, and even though they might give you the "oh but she never acts like that at home" schpiel, you have an opportunity to get a feel of what the parents are like, and if they're receptive to these concerns.

In any case, you are right to address this behavior now rather than later.