I had three classes this year, and for reasons I don't particularly want to talk about and aren't much of an excuse, I had Fs in all three by midterms. I decided to drop the two unnecessary classes to try and save the final, important class, and rapidly began realizing I could not succeed. I gave up and stopped attending mid-April.

Normally my parents don't care about my grades - they just assume I'm doing fine - but they both asked how my finals went this last semester. This means they'll want me to send them my grades. My mom has access to the school website and can easily see that I hadn't attended class at all for the last two months, and had flat zeroes for mostly everything before then. All that needs to happen is for her to decide she feels like having a look, and it sounds like she will.

I... what do I do? They're both abusive, so I can't just sit them down and tell them. I can't think of any good excuses, and telling them I'm depressed (which is true - every 3 years on the dot I lapse into a severe low where it's impossible to get out of bed, quite literally - I'd eat and pee once every two or three days and just spend my time quietly crying into my pillow - for MONTHS) just made them go out of their way to publicly humiliate me. Because reasons, I don't know.

I have pets, and my car came from my dad. I live in their house. They buy me food and clothes. I didn't buy my own laptop or phone. My bank account is attached to my mom's. All these things are in jeopardy. When they get angry, they have a desperate need to hurt me in any way they can.

Does anyone have experience with abusive parents or violent people in general? How can I placate them? I've been trying to get a job for the summer, because I think that will please my mom, but I'm really not sure. She may just rile me up and make me lose my nerve every day before I leave so my performance is poor, then tell me they'll fire me for that and needle me about not being able to hold down a job.

Hey there!

So, I guess I could say I've got some experiences with abusive parents, and unfortunately, with depression too, have had that since I was 13. I'm not sure if I can help you, but I'll try.

What helped my brother when he was struggling with grades (which was basically all his life, from elementary school until college) was coming up with plans how to fix them, When he told my parents about his bad grades, he already could explain to them how he planned on fixing that, e.g. learning schedules, organising learning groups etc. It somewhat placated my parents to have the impression he is taking care of things, that he knows that there is a problem and that he is willing to fix it. I don't know your parents, I don't know if this will work for you, but it might be worth a shot.

As for the depression, I found that my parents were somewhat silenced about that issue when I got a professional diagnosis about it. Do you see a therapist? Maybe you can get your depression acknowledged by them. Of course, there are also parents where this would backfire pretty hard, because they'd either accuse you of lying to the doctor or the doctor of "being on your side".

In what way are they abusive? You already mentioned they tend to take your stuff. Eventually, you should probably try to get away from them and become more independent so they can't do this shit anymore - like, find a new source of income etc - but that's not really a solution to the problem right now, especially since I don't even know how old you are and in how far this would even be possible. You could try to make up your mind on which things are the most important for you, and try to stop them from taking that particular thing, or explain you will need certain things, e.g. the laptop for learning or the car for getting to the summer job you planned.

If a calm discussion is not possible, as you mention, you could try and tell them via mail etc. That way, they have more time to "cool down" after getting the news, and might react less impulsive and strong. Although that didn't work for me, because my parents just got super pissed that I "didn't trust them enough" to tell them in person (how surprising...), it might work for yours.

That's about all I have right now. Best of luck to you, I can only imagine how tough it must be. But you'll make it through, I know it :)

I did mention to them that I wasn't doing well and was seeing a tutor, which I believe may have triggered their sudden interest now that I think about it.

It's so freaking hard dealing with these people. Do I take the risk and say I'm doing fine with the hope that they'll not ask to see my grades so they don't beat the crap out of me, or do I tell them my grades are poor and definitely have them beat the crap out of me, but not as hard?

I can be poked in the eye with a stick or take the chance to not be poked at all, with the additional risk of being poked in the eye with a sharp stick. :l

Anyway, I basically already did all that appeasement stuff. What I have left is to tell them nothing worked and I failed my butt off anyway. I'm thinking if I can get a job they'll be too pleased to be mad, but again, that might not work. Especially if I can't get hired.

I didn't mention this here, but I've actually been looking for a therapist without luck. No one calls me back and they're never there to pick up the phone. :T I'm up to a 30 minute drive and I still can't get anyone. Still trying though!

It doesn't matter what justifications I try to throw at them, they're not rational people. If they get it into their head that taking x or destroying y will hurt me, pleading with them is just going to convince them that they should do that. Sure, they might feel guilty later, but what good does that do me?