Two things yall, one good, one not so much
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OR why Laurs hasn't been around for a few days.
I'll start with my brother, who is my best friend being rushed to the hospital Friday evening because he couldn't get any air. He was admitted and diagnosed with Influenza A with complications due to asthma/COPD. His O2 levels were in the 20s and dropping. I feel so lost, I don't know how to function without him. He's always around, always just a phone call or text message away. He makes me crazy but now that I know he's not coming over, he won't be dropping by, I am lost. Just lost.
So - that happened. But before then .. last weekend at a birthday gathering I had gifted the shawman/medicine man from White Earth tobacco and asked if he could ask who I really am and where I come from. My birthmother got weird on me when I found her way back when and I've never been sure what she told me was fact because there's no trace of the family name anywhere in the Lakota registers for reservations. I've always felt at home in Sturgis and the Black Hills but "Native" is native, no matter what tribal blood runs thru your veins.
It started when I noticed the hawks were spending more time hanging around my daughters place than mine. The Hawk will always be my spirit guide but that's when I realized it's not my clan. It's Kenzies. I cant ask my birthmother, she's passed away.
a little more on that for the curious
It's complicated. Even when I was trying to get information out of my birthmother, she wasn't forthcoming or according to two older siblings being truthful. As for the he side of me, she told me of course she knows who he is but refused to tell me anything about him, saying I was a 1 night stand in Reno. Seeing there are 13 siblings born between '61 and '71 and altho I am the youngest, I'm not the only one who weren't raised in her household. On the flip side, I am one of 4 who haven't been in prison tho. The other 3 are the three oldest and after spending all of 8 hours shoved into the middle of the whole group I figure it's not that they didn't break the law, they figured out how not to get caught.
Realizing what her life had been and that it was best to let sleeping dogs lie, (there's some things you don't need to know about the woman who gave you life), I quietly faded back out of their lives, armed with a few names and half of my health history.
There's no time lines for these things, you ask for your name and offer tobacco which is put in a sacred pipe as the medicine man communes with the Creator. It can happen that instant or it can take days, even weeks for an answer to come to him/her. And around here we live on indian time. Two, maybe three people I know own watches. The rest of us didn't have a clue what time it actually was until we got cell phones that displayed it. It's just how we are, we get there when we get there.. Drives Sicca bonkers, she says if mom says she's going to Aunties on a Tuesday you best nail down what month or it could be three months from now. We're not that bad but you get the drift.
Anyway I didn't expect to hear from him for a few weeks and yesterday while I'm falling apart because my brother almost died he sent a text saying I have your name and am coming to smudge your house before you finish buttoning it up Saturday. As in today. My brother was crushed, he wanted to be there so bad but smudging can bring a lot of smoke so this may have been for the best even if it felt like part of me was missing without him here. So as my brother has done for me so many times with things the kids were doing, I returned the favour and recorded it for him to listen to when he's better.
Altho I missed him and Bug with all my heart, that didn't damper the wonder of watching the ceremony unfold. The singing, the drum, the unity and harmony. It's all but impossible to put into words.
But I'm not <3 My name is MikaNaak Kwe, Turtle Woman (Mick-ah-knock (softK)way) My clan, Turtle. My tribe is hard to nail down, I come from the East, the Algonquian peoples, Cherokee or Shawnee. Which explains why I kept finding my last name on Dawes rolls but nothing on the Sioux. The thing is they liked to leave a "C" for Cherokee in the tribe section if they listed anything at all a LOT. It also explains why my next oldest sibling is called Cherokee Bill even tho his father and the mystery man I came from are different guys. A lot of things I couldn't get to fit in place fit perfectly now. It doesn't change me, I am what I am, half-blood and proud but I know my native name, my clan and where my ancestors come from. And I have been waiting to learn that ever since I realized I was different as a kid.
One good. One not so much. Both something I can handle.
Gi zah gin! <3
LairBears never truly walk alone
Our Lair is proof you don't have to stand face to face to know you've got friends who stand with you when you need us.
Mni wiconi -- water is life
Your brother will be fine. You just wait and see. Sending all my positive thoughts his way.
You finding out who you are, after all this time is just so fantastic I could jump for joy. I am so happy for you.
Going Fishing!!! 🐟
Hello MikaNaak Kwe! Sorry about your brother but WOW! To finally have that which you have been seeking for so long! Amazing. I am happy for you. ❤
I can't really tell you what I'm feeling right now because I can spin words until I actually need to shape them around my own emotions and also I always feel weird when it's someone I don't actually know very well but. I'm happy for you. There's a lot more to it than that. Spirits belonging, fitting puzzle pieces... There isn't a word in any language I know that can really describe that form of "happy."
I hope your brother is doing better soon. I've been dealing with a lot of medical emergencies with my family these last few months and there is, again, not really a word to do it justice. You just breathe and be and things work themselves out as they will, sometimes with a little push.
Very sorry about your brother hun. I do hope he improves very soon and that you'll have him by your side again.
Omg discovering who you are must be a satisfying feeling. You no longer walk this earth questioning yourself and carrying uncertanties. Hopefully that burden has now lifted significantly and you can stand proud knowing who you are. c:
I hope your brother feels better soon. Thanks for telling us about part of your life I find it interesting, and I learned few things. Glad you learned about your history.
Prayers being lifted up for your Brother, that he may come through this, to good health.
I am also very happy that your darkness is now lighter. Everyone deserves to know their beginnings. Praying that it brings you happiness and clarity. <3
[flower=baronbaracuda]
: I have said it many times to you dear one, you are a fantastic writer and have a story to tell, I pray that you will soon sit down and record your story for the world. What an amazing tale you have shared with us all, I am happy that you have made such a personal discovery and I feel so privileged that you have told it.
I will pray for you and your brother, that he will be healed and back on his paws again and that you will have peace and strength to help him as best as you can.
Again, thank you for including us in your life and sharing your story.
Hopefully your brother gets better, and that he's there for any other important things that you would like him around for. ❤❤
Harry Potter inspired dresses! !!
--- [tot=oragami] --[tot=oragami]--
It's storming here, so it seems like a good time to send the North your way, from Algonquian Sacred Prayers as recorded by Bedagi (Big Thunder):
<p>O Great Spirit of the North, who gives wings to the waters of the air and rolls the thick snowstorm before Thee, Who covers the Earth with a sparkling crystal carpet above whose deep tranquillity every sound is beautiful. Temper us with strength to withstand the biting blizzards, yet make us thankful for the beauty which follows and lies deep over the warm Earth in its wake.
Sending my own good thoughts for your brother!
I love you!
I truly hope your brother gets well soon and that the drs are finding how to help him manage his breathing. What are they doing for him? Do you know how long he has to stay in the hospital? I know your world must be more than a little office balance.
It seems as though the heavens sensed your need to hold you up and that is why you heard earlier than expected. I believe things happen that way, even when it isn't obvious. It amazes me how your puzzle pieces came together and some of those things that didn't make sense smoothed out with the information you were given. Truly, it is something and I was in awe as I read how it was done. I had never heard of smudging before and wow, it sounded mesmerizing. If your brother had not gone to the hospital, he probably would have tried to be there and that would have been so harsh on his lungs like you said.
Please keep us up-to-date on it all. ❤
Drama or llama? I'll take the llama :D
Gi zah gin I will pray for your brother to get well....i am happy that you now know who you are....one needs to know these things and feel peace inside.You were told things and your inside was telling you it wasn't so.
aww sweet, ( hugs )sorry to hear about your brother, postive thoughts on him getting better :)
yay on finding who you are sweet, so happy for you, it all sounds fascinating and lovely, I wish I knew more about my italian side but my nan passed 10yrs ago and all ties with her family went with her,
- I hope your brother gets better real soon hugs Congratulations on finally knowing ^_^
Dear Mama Bear ...sending positive thoughts and prayers for your brother. I do not think that the greater power would take him before his time. Now that your inner spirit has been made known to you, another wonderful journey lies before you and your brother will be there by your side to walk with you and share the joy.
Much love and Bear Hugs MikaNaak Kwe (daughter of the Turtle Clan)...
- What amazing news and discoveries for you! Thank you for sharing with all of us! I am so happy you have found your name and where you come from! I can't even begin to imagine the emotions you must be feeling. I am sending positive, healing vibes out into the world for your brother - I hope that he is better soon! hugs
- gawd so sorry to hear about your brother, scary stuff - hope he recovers quickly hugs I have COPD so I know how that shit goes...
And wow, how awesome you found out about your heritage, that's so cool! Like the missing piece of a puzzle - thanks for explaining it all, fascinating to read :D ❤️
sending hugs on your trials and hope that all is well with your brother! Glad you have received more news of your lineage and know you richly deserve that. Take care!
PS I have computer problems and may not be around as much as I'd like until I repair it.
