Okay, so I just bashed up a story for my pet Depressive and I need someone to run an eye over it and say what they think. Are there any grammar errors, spelling mistakes or misused words? Anything that could be fiddled with to make it sound better? And, most importantly, how's the plot? I know I need to work on the character voice a bit; Cornelius is supposed to be a nervous, stuttering type with a habit of, uh, a habit of repeating phrases and a, you know, verbal tick of saying 'you know' a lot. Kinda like Professor Quirrell with a tea obsession, really. The other character is supposed to be a generic person of no real gender who's a bit of a jerk sometimes but doesn't really deserve it. Both characters are English, with Generic from near London and Cornelius born-and-bred Cumbria (not that I know what a Cumbrian accent sounds like or what slang they might use).

Whoha, you story left me with a shiver. I love tea and little tea shops, but I think I'll see them with different eyes from now on.

[Quote]And you were on holiday, you think, you should treat yourself.[/Quote] Is this what he/she/it is thinking in the situation? Then I guess he should say "you are on holiday".

[Quote]"So what made you come back to Vinandr’s Lake if you liked it so much in the city?" [/Quote] Vinandir's Lake is missing an "I" here.

Maybe you could make Cornelius stutter a little more. In the beginning he reminded me a little of Porky Pig, but especially the part about his mother seems to be very fluently spoken. I'd leave the speech in the last part, beginning with 'Geld notices this at once and smiles widely, his eyes glittering. "You like it?"', as it is. I think it makes him even more.. you know.. mad.

I really like the plot. It seems like the starweed flowers are a little too addictive. A question that came to my mind was: How does Cornelius find enough victims when he is living in a small village? Okay, maybe tourists, but how does he get away with this? Doesn't it attract the attention of neighbors when people disappear in his shop? Or does he hypnotize the locals with his special tea?

I hope this was a little helpful. Greetings and have a nice day, Kassy

That's all, folks!

Thank you. I aim to scare. o3~

I'll change that. I have a habit of making things clear and ending up a little redundant. Either that or years of essays make you want to push up the word count in any and all ways possible. ;)

shamefaced I broke the No 1 rule of fantasy writing: never make up a place name you can't spell. You should see me try to spell Lierpul Liurpul Leiurpul Liuerpul.

Well, Vinandir's Lake is basically alternate!magical!England's Windermere; I chose that name because it's the real life lake's original name, like Luierpul is Liverpool. I just came back from a week's holiday there and let me tell you bro/sis, it is PACKED pretty much 24/7 in the summer. Apparently very many people are attracted to really big lakes, Beatrix Potter, Arthur Ransome, and hills up the ya-ya. So Cornelius mainly gets tourists (he hates tourists), sometimes a local who he really doesn't like (and neither does anyone else, so they don't really ask too many questions).

And the kicker? In this 'verse, what he's doing is legal. The fae - especially the Unseelie Fae - are a law unto themselves and above all mortal courts and governments. Basically, if you have a Contract or Deal going on, you can pretty much do anything as long as you can prove you did it to fulfil the terms of the deal. Obviously, if anyone knew what Cornelius was doing nobody'd ever pop round for a cuppa ever again, so he keeps it secret. Although, he does make such wonderful teas and cakes, so maybe they could forgive him. The WI nights just wouldn' be the same, you see.

And, as awful as it is, Cornelius' Deal is a lot better than the each-uisge not having to steady supply of meat and having to hunt for itself. They tend to like child-flesh; children are very sweet and tender and so easy to fool. Hello there, little girl, I'm a magical pony - would you like a ride on my back? I'll let you braid my mane and I'll tell you all sorts of magical secrets... It'll be such fun...