I just got out of a 4 year long-term relationship. I was the one who broke up with him because I just was not feeling it anymore. I feel absolutely crushed because he did not see it coming at all. I completely broke his heart. We were best friends and we got along so well and we had so much history together. We've been together since we were 17 and now we are 21.

But all said and done, this summer I looked toward the future and just did not see myself in this relationship anymore. I said we could take a break and see how it goes because I just have to focus on myself.

I just want to hear experiences, similar stories, advice, and just something to share.

Thank you for your contributions!

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that the breakup didn't go as well as you'd hoped. I'm proud of you for doing what was best for you and knowing it was time to end things. There's really no such thing as a perfectly easy breakup, in my opinion. Even if you part on good terms, even if both of you are certain it's for the best, it's hard to leave a relationship, especially a long one.

I had a similar experience with my ex where he wasn't really expecting a breakup, but we were both unhappy and I knew it was just time to end it before things got worse. It wasn't easy, especially right after the breakup, but it got a lot easier to deal with over time.

My best advice is to be there for yourself for now. Surround yourself with the things you love to do and the people who make you happy, but don't ever stop yourself from being sad if you need to. Listen to sad music and watch sad movies if you want to; it can be therapeutic! Just do whatever you gotta do to take care of yourself, and work on attaining that future! I'm sure what the future holds for you will be brilliant.

I don't know if any of this is helpful at all, but sometimes sharing similar experiences with other helps me a bit. I hope you feel better soon. <3

First off, I'd like to say that I'm glad to hear that you decided to end things when you noticed your feelings had changed, rather than drag the relationship out any longer and hurt him more as a result.

That being said? I really do not like it when people want to break up but end things with "maybe one day..." You may think it eases the pain, but I can guarantee it's just confusing things for him. What if he decides to wait for you to come back, even if you know that's never going to happen? You basically just told him "Put your life on hold while I go live mine for a while. I might be back. I might not. Who knows?"

A breakup should be treated as a permanent decision. If you happen to reconnect later, that's one thing - but don't be wishy-washy and lead him on in the meantime. You can't put him on a shelf until you're ready for him (if that ever happens); it's not fair to him. Let him move on.

ugh... you are so right. That made me feel absolutely worse about everything! Thank you for the reality check, needed it.

I am sorry - I really didn't mean to make you feel worse about an already awful scenario. I've just had it happen to me, so as you can imagine, I feel pretty strongly about it. D=

I'm not sure if I'm too late for this but I was in a 4 year relationship. He had broken my heart and I was devastated. He often said he "couldn't do this" or "I don't know what I want." I begged for him to stay, because he often tried to break up but later realized he had made a mistake. On a side note, he was mentally abusive, but that's besides the point. I loved him, or thought I knew what love was.

After we had broken up I was like... Now what? I had moved to a completely different state for school. Knew absolutely no one, and I'm pretty shy and making friends was really hard for me. So my ex and I still were talking, big mistake, and told me to join this website to make friends. Which I did, which was a dating website, but I just wanted to make friends. Eventually I met someone to hang out with, I told him I didnt want a relationship and he was okay with that.

After 3 months of hanging out I finally told him that I did like him so we started to date. 3 and a half years later I'm still with him.

My point is that things change, people change. You may felt like you had broken his heart and he cannot move on, but he will. I was HEAD OVER HEELS for my ex. Thought I couldn't find anyone else to fill that void. Maybe you want to get back together with him in the future, but it is most definitely important to find yourself and concentrate on you because you are staring a big stepping stone in your life:ADULTHOOD. He will thank you later for not leading him on. He will move on, you guys are still young and have the rest of your lives to figure things out.

Your experience sounds incredibly similar to my own. I was also in a 4 year relationship from 17 to 21 that ended roughly six weeks ago. The only major difference is that the breakup was mutual. However, if I'm being completely honest with myself, I think my feelings towards him changed a long time ago. I just never fully realized (admitted?) it until he told me he felt our relationship had changed, mainly because I didn't WANT to feel differently about him. He suggested that maybe we take a few days to decide whether we should stay together or not, but I knew then that it was best to end it there. We would have dragged it out for too long if we hadn't.

I guess the best advice I have to give is all repeated from things I was told while dealing with my breakup so I take no credit for it, but I thought I should pass it along.

Very few teenage relationships last, and it's okay to feel differently about someone after four years because there's no way that either of you could be the same person at 21 as you were at 17. It's okay to feel sad because it does hurt to break up, even in cases where it is mutual. You won't be sad forever; everything gets easier with time. It's also okay to feel relieved in a way, knowing that it was the right decision in the long run. And who knows; as a now young adult, you're at the age where the next person you love could end up being "the one."