and I are getting married sometime next year. We've discussed a few things, but now the idea is to have a legal marriage once we move in together and then save up for the wedding ceremony. Has anyone else done this? Any advice? FYI, we live in the U.S.

As for the ceremony, I'm so confused at all the formal things, like bridesmaids and such. We've already decided we don't want traditional wedding attire, but I still don't understand the need for people in specific roles. Can someone simplify the roles and purpose of the different people at weddings?

Last thing: I don't want my biological family to attend the ceremony. They're abusive and don't care about my well-being. But, if they know about the wedding, I know they're going to insist on going. What should I do?

I was just recently married (December 13th), and I'm now helping my sister plan her wedding (on October 3rd), so I feel I'm in a good position to answer a few questions. =P

The short version is: It's your and your future-husband's day. Period. Full-stop. No ifs, ands, or buts. You two should feel free to celebrate it in any way you see fit, and don't you dare let anyone guilt you into thinking any differently.

Now, to focus in a bit. Getting legally married then having a renewing of vows or a reception on a later date is becoming a lot more common these days. Couples who have to spring for their own wedding expenses are looking for different ways to save a few bucks (or spread out the costs a little), and this is just one of the many ways it can be done.

For mine and my husband's wedding, we had a very small ceremony; it was only immediate family and our bridal party (half of which were also immediate family, sooo XD) - 24 people total, including the two of us. It was held at a (rather nice) restaurant in the heart of downtown. Quick ceremony, followed by a formal lunch (dinners are more expensive, so it was a great way to save money). It was so very us, and was exactly what we wanted.

Speaking of saving money: Weekends are always going to be the more expensive options - mainly Saturdays. Getting married during the off-season will save you money, too. January, February and March are the cheapest months to get married in, while July, August, September and October are the most popular and therefore most expensive.

For your wedding, it can be as formal or informal as you're comfortable with. You can also have as many or as few people in your bridal party as you want - it's entirely up to you. If you're already having a non-traditional ceremony, it doesn't really matter. My wedding was small, but we had eight bridesmaids/groomsmen in total (maid of honour, best man, 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen), because we wanted all four of our sisters (my sister, my sister's fiancee, and my husband's two sisters) as well as the four guys who are basically brothers to all be a part of it. My sister's wedding is going to be much larger than mine was, but she has a smaller wedding party, and it's an uneven number. My sister has me and two female friends on her side while her fiancee has her brother and another female friend on hers. It's just what they wanted, so they're doing it.

The only roles that really matter are the maid/matron of honour and the best man; even when people opt to not have a wedding party, they'll usually pick two people to fill these roles. They're the ones who are supposed to help the most with the wedding planning and preparation (and to calm you the eff down once it all starts to get too overwhelming), plan your bachelorette/bachelor parties (if you choose to have 'em) - and, most importantly, they're the ones who sign the wedding register as your witnesses. That's basically it.

And pretty much everyone else is just fluff. Ceremonial, traditional fluff. If you're religious or if tradition holds any significance, it makes sense. Otherwise, not so much. it's just if you want certain friends/family to be involved in the wedding party; that's it, really. Have a lot of sisters/brothers or a bunch of super-close friends? Bam, instant wedding party. Have a young daughter/niece/whatever? Flower girl. Son/nephew/etc? Ring bearer. I didn't have a flower girl or ring bearer, and my sister won't either; they're not important unless your wedding is super traditional (and sometimes not even then XD).

And I totally get you when you say you don't want certain family to attend. I tried to not invite my mother, but my dad insisted (they're in the process of getting divorced) saying I might regret it if I didn't invite her. Turns out I regret having invited her, but what's done is done. It was really difficult to plan such an intimately small ceremony when both mine and my husband's folks are both split (awkward encounters all around!). So yeah, I totally get it.

As for what you should do about that? It's entirely your call. If you don't want them there, don't invite them. If they try to guilt their way onto the invites list, put your foot down (gods know I wish I had). If they aren't supportive of you every other day of the year, why on Earth do they feel they should be granted the privilege of celebrating your wedding with you?

Anyways, I hope this at least helped a little. If you have any more questions, just let me know. =)

I just got married earlier this month, planning was crazy but it turned out great in the end 😀 congratulations to you on your upcoming wedding as well 😊

I think a lot of people separate getting married legally from the celebration and it works out fine. Weddings can be really expensive even if they're small so it's understandable. You should plan things how you and your fiance want then to be, it's no one else's business but yours.

Some people have a lot of bridesmaids, some have one, some have none, it's up to you. I wanted my three closest friends to be there with me, so that's what I did. I didn't have a maid of honor (like, most important bridesmaid) because I love them all equally and couldn't choose. My husband did the same with his closest friends. If that confused anyone else, I really don't care. I would say you should have someone standing with each of you for practical reasons (one to hold the rings, and one to hold the bouquet while you do the ring stuff). But if you don't want to, that's fine! You can make it work however you want.

My wedding was non traditional in a lot of ways, it wasn't at a church, I didn't have a ring bearer or flower girl, we played music from the Lord of the Rings, I didn't have anyone "give me away," and the text was non religious and taken from the internet. For the reception, we played music off a laptop, didn't do the bouquet toss or garter thing, because ew. We just danced with our friends all night, we said it was like what high school prom would have been if it was only people we liked 😀. Everything turned out exactly like we wanted and we were so happy. 😀

My favorite website for planning advice was A Practical Wedding because they seemed really into questioning why things were needed or not needed, accommodating ceremonies of a wide variety of traditions, styles, budgets, etc., and just generally not crazy (most of the wedding planning industry is absolutely crazy).

As far as for your biological family, will they necessarily know when/where the wedding is? If you plan a smaller celebration, and without a ton of advanced notice, it would seem surprising to me that they would all find out and crash the party. If you're just worried about being pressured to invite them, don't listen, it's no one else's business.

I wish you the best of luck, have fun with the process and don't stress too much because it will be worth it in the end 😊 I'd be happy to help if you have more questions!

- Your posts are super helpful! Thank you so much!

When I have some time, I'll do some research while referring to these posts.